Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.
On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners in our cue cards series on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
NFL One Liners
Tampa Bay 23, Atlanta 31 — Usually the time to fire a head coach in the NFL is during the team’s bye week (the one week in seventeen that they get the weekend off.) Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano probably kept his job through the team’s bye by assigning the blame to the quarterback who they later cut from the team. The Buccaneers play again this Thursday and my guess is that after they lose that game they will fire Schiano anyway.
Cincinnati 27, Detroit 24 — This game featured two of the best wide receivers in the NFL, Calvin Johnson of the Lions and A.J. Green of the Bengals. They put on a show, catching a combined 310 yards and three touchdowns in a closely contested and entertaining game.
Buffalo 23, Miami 21 — Stuck in the same division as the Patriots, these teams have not had much success over the past decade. This year, they have both shown flashes of goodness but their inconsistency likely dooms them to another year of not making the playoffs.
New England 27, New York Jets 30 — The Jets and Patriots are rivals so any close game between them takes on at least epic pretensions. This game went back and forth and into overtime before being decided partially on an obscure rule which will be the subject of conversation among infuriated Boston fans tomorrow. A good way to defuse the situation is to point out that their baseball team is in the World Series and the football team is 5-2.
Dallas 17, Philadelphia 3 — This game was a great example of how unpredictable football can be. Every expert, pundit, and gambler thought this was going to be a high scoring game. At half-time the game was 3-0.
Chicago 41, Washington 45 — Talking about high scoring games… even losing starting quarterback Jay Cutler to a groin injury in the first half didn’t keep the Bears from almost keeping pace with the controversially named Washington Redskins.
St. Louis 15, Carolina 30 — Carolina is unexpectedly good. If they didn’t wear teal, I think people would be taking them more seriously.
San Diego 24, Jacksonville 6 — Jacksonville’s horrible play is drawing focus from the fact that they are the only team I’ve ever seen that plays with matte helmets. I think I like it.
San Francisco 31, Tennessee 17 — This game was not as close as the score suggests. The 49ers are bigger and meaner than most of the other teams in the league and most weeks that’s all they’ll need to win.
Cleveland 13, Green Bay 31 — A few years back legitimate sports writers questioned whether the Cincinnati Bengals made a mistake because they drafted a red-headed quarterback. It seems like having the last name of Weeden should have been a red flag for Cleveland’s general managers. Alas, it wasn’t.
Houston 16, Kansas City 17 — The Chiefs squeak by the Texans to remain undefeated.
Baltimore 16, Pittsburgh 19 — The defending Super Bowl champion Ravens lose their third game out of the last for while exhibiting why people say the NFL stands for “not for long.”
Denver 33, Indianapolis 39 — The game with the best plot of the weekend saw legendary quarterback Peyton Manning returning to the city he played for for 14 seasons to face the team that released him. Indianapolis’ defense frustrated the high-flying Denver offense all night and led their team to victory. Losing this game actually makes me like Peyton Manning more — he was clearly emotional about returning to what used to be his home and it affected his play.