Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.
On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners in our cue cards series on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
NFL One Liners
At this point in the season, the plot of most games has to do with whether the teams in it will make the playoffs.
Miami 0, Buffalo 19 — By losing to the bottom feeding Bills, the Dolphins need to win next week and hope that Baltimore loses or (oddly) San Diego wins.
Minnesota 14, Cincinnati 42 — The Bengals officially clinched a playoff spot by beating the Vikings but there wasn’t much drama here — the Vikings were out and the Bengals all but surely in before the game even started.
Indianapolis 23, Kansas City 7 — Both these teams are going to make the playoffs; the wrinkle in this game is that they might play each other again in two weeks during the first round of the playoffs. Did the Colts “send a message” to the Chiefs? Or were the Chiefs not showing the Colts their best stuff to lull them into a false sense of security?
Tampa Bay 13, St. Louis 23 — Two bad teams that might both be good next year or the year after. The Rams have a bunch of good players and extra draft picks from a trade with the Redskins. The Buccaneers look like they have some great young players too.
Cleveland 13, New York Jets 24 — The future is a little less clearly bright for these two mediocre teams. Sorry Jets fans!
Dallas 24, Washington 23 — The soap opera of the NFC East (the division with these two teams plus the Giants and Eagles) continues. Star tragic hero and Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, threw a touchdown pass on fourth and goal (last chance!!) with a minute left in the game to go up by one point. The drama will conclude next week when the Cowboys play the Eagles Sunday night and whoever wins that game will qualify for the playoffs.
New Orleans 13, Carolina 17 — Another game between division rivals, albeit with a higher quality of play. By winning this game, the Panthers put themselves in a position where if they win next week, they get one of the top two positions in their conference playoffs which means they can take the first week of the playoffs off to rest and prepare. The Saints are likely to make the playoffs anyway.
Tennessee 20, Jacksonville 16 — This game didn’t mean anything for the playoffs. Not even a little bit.
Denver 37, Houston 13 — Broncos quarterback, Peyton Manning, broke the all-time NFL record for touchdown passes in a season by throwing his 51st of the year. Houston is 24th in the league with 19 touchdown passes for the year. Yikes.
New York Giants 23, Detroit 20 — The Lions cement their reputation as a talented but ultimately dumb and unsuccessful team by losing in over-time to the hapless Giants. The Lions are eliminated from the playoffs with this loss and their coach will surely be fired.
Arizona 17, Seattle 10 — The Cardinals did what no team has done since 2011 — travel to Seattle and win. This keeps the Cardinals playoff hopes alive and makes me happy because for some reason, despite several straight seasons of excellence, I still refuse to believe the Seahawks are good.
Pittsburgh 38, Green Bay 31 — The scenic game of the day, played in the snow in Green Bay, went down to the last two minutes when the Steelers scored to win it. This win keeps the Steelers playoff hopes alive (though barely) and means that the Packers game against the Bears next week will decide which of those two teams makes the playoffs.
Oakland 13, San Diego 26 — The Chargers are alive. The Raiders are not.
New England 41, Baltimore 7 — This was an odd result from a game that the Ravens needed to win for playoff positioning far more than the Patriots did. The Ravens aren’t eliminated but they need to win next week and have either the Chargers or Dolphins lose to get in.
Chicago 11, Philadelphia 54 — Maybe there’s a pattern here — the Bears, like the Ravens, needed to win this game far more than the Eagles did, and instead of that helping them, it seemed to hurt. There’s probably a life lesson in there somewhere, but I want to find it so badly that…