The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the Week 7 matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps. If you’re worried about watching too much football or if you’re negotiating for a little break during the weekend, read our weekly feature, Do Not Watch This Game.
Week 7
Sunday, October 19, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Minnesota Vikings at Buffalo Bills
Good cop: This is a must win game for both teams!
Bad cop: If you’re playing a must win game in Week 7 it’s because you’re not very good. Two not very good teams = a not very good game.
Atlanta Falcons at Baltimore Ravens
Good cop: Birds vs. Birds! The Quarterbacks even played at bird-related colleges — Joe Flacco for the Delaware Blue Hens and Matt Ryan for the Boston College Eagles! Birds!
Bad cop: You’re right. Birds. Very exciting.
Cleveland Browns at Jacksonville Jaguars
Good cop: This is a “trap game” for the Browns! One week after beating the dreaded Steelers, will they trip up against the Jaguars!??!
Bad cop: No. No one trips while playing the Jaguars except the Jaguars.
Carolina Panthers at Green Bay Packers
Good cop: Last week, these teams played in two of the most exciting games I’ve seen in a long time! The Panthers tied and the Packers won in the last eight seconds!
Bad cop: Ugh. This will not be a feast for the eyes. Teal and silver vs. green and gold. Clash city.
Miami Dolphins at Chicago Bears
Good cop: It’s the Brandon Marshall revenge game! A few years ago he was run out of town by the Miami organization, fans, and media! Now he gets a chance to beat them as a wide receiver on the Bears!
Bad cop: They paid him millions of dollars and then traded him. That’s not exactly tarring and feathering in the grand scheme of things.
Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts
Good cop: It’s the new elite of the NFL! The Bengals and the Colts are the two top ten teams without recognizable, veteran stars! I want to see this!
Bad cop: The Colts are for real but the Bengals are not. In the last two weeks, they’re defense has given up eighty points!
New Orleans Saints at Detroit Lions
Good cop: The Saints haven’t won an away game yet this year but this will be the week! The Lions are ripe for an upset and they play in a dome, just like the Saints! A dome is a dome, amiright?
Bad cop: You’re right. Football is always better played outside on grass instead of inside on a carpet though.
Seattle Seahawks at St. Louis Rams
Good cop: The Seahawks lost last week to the Cowboys! They’re gonna be out for blood this week!
Bad cop: The poor Rams. So many good teams to play, so little hope.
Tennessee Titans at Washington Redskins
Good cop: Oh boy! That’s all I can say! Oh boy!
Bad cop: Things are really bad when Good Cop is speechless. This is a bad game. Watch something else. Like paint drying or grass growing. Even grass not growing or paint getting wetter would be better.
SUNDAY, October 19, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers
Good cop: This is going to be rock-em-sock-em, full throttle, no-holds-barred, offensive football!
Bad cop: Too bad I’m going to miss it. I’ll be watching the National Mixed Metaphor Championship.
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys
Good cop: If I could scream like James Brown, I would for this game! It’s a titanic clash of popular divisional opponents! Great teams, great players, great game!
Bad cop: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Do not watch this game.
Arizona Cardinals at Oakland Raiders
Good cop: The Raiders almost broke through last week in their game against the Chargers! I think they have a chance!
Bad cop: Did you really just say “I think they have a chance” in defense of this game? Sure they have a chance. Just not a very good one.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
San Francisco 49ers at Denver Broncos
Good cop: It’s the Super Bowl runners-up versus the team that’s made the NFC championship game the last three years! It’s a game with star power all over the field! Will San Francisco’s physicality beat out Denver’s precision?!!
Bad cop: Yeah… but you never know… it wouldn’t be fun to watch if the field was made of quicksand!!!
MONDAY, October 20, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Houston Texans at Pittsburgh Steelers
Good cop: Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is 6’5″, 241 pounds, and has a habit of holding the ball longer than most quarterbacks, trusting on his size and instincts to make plays! J.J. Watt is 6’5″, 289 pounds, and loves tackling quarterbacks who hold onto the ball even a second too long!
Bad cop: That’s a recipe for an undramatic game if I’ve ever heard one. Pshhh.