The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the Week 9 matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps. If you’re worried about watching too much football or if you’re negotiating for a little break during the weekend, read our weekly feature, Do Not Watch This Game.
Week 9
Sunday, November 2, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cleveland Browns
Good cop: I want to see if the Cleveland Browns can keep their winning season going! They’re like the Kansas City Royals of the NFL!
Bad cop: Including this week, over the last three weeks, the Browns will have played two 1-6 teams and one 0-7 team. Yeah, I think they’ll win but that isn’t saying much.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Cincinnati Bengals
Good cop: Cats!
Bad cop: Dogs.
Arizona Cardinals at Dallas Cowboys
Good cop: These teams have been the most pleasant surprises of the year! They’re both at the top of their divisions and looking good!
Bad cop: You see pleasant surprise, I see two teams about to be exposed as being only okay at football.
Philadelphia Eagles at Houston Texans
Good cop: This game features two of the most dynamic running games in the league!
Bad cop: Dynamic running games? What is this? 1934?
New York Jets at Kansas City Chiefs
Good cop: This game features a wonderful contrast in quarterbacks! Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith is consistent, plays everything safe, and is extremely accurate! New York Jets quarterback Michael Vick is dynamic, explosive, and crafty!
Bad cop: What? Vick is playing? Isn’t he 48 years old? Man, the Jets are having a terrible season.
San Diego Chargers at Miami Dolphins
Good cop: Powder blue versus teal! I love the teams as much as I love the colors!
Bad cop: Doesn’t it feel like these two teams have played three out of the last four weeks? It’s such an ordinary game, it feels like there are three or four of these every weekend.
Washington Redskins at Minnesota Vikings
Good cop: This is basically a single elimination game! At 3-5, both teams need a win!
Bad cop: And neither team deserves a win.
SUNDAY, November 2, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers
Good cop: True to form, the Rams are 2-5 overall but 1-1 in their division! No matter how bad the Rams are and how good the teams in their division are, they always play them tough!
Bad cop: Maybe. The 49ers beat the Rams 31-17 in St. Louis just three weeks ago though. What makes you think this game will be any closer in San Francisco?
Oakland Raiders at Seattle Seahawks
Good cop: Oh, my! The Seahawks might set a scoring record in this game!
Bad cop: You mean because the Raiders are so horrible? Don’t get too excited, the Seahawks aren’t that good either this year.
Denver Broncos at New England Patriots
Good cop: THIS IS THE BIG ONE! TOM BRADY VS. PEYTON MANNING FOR THE SIXTEENTH TIME! DENVER IS NUMBER 1 THIS YER IN POINTS SCORED PER GAME, NEW ENGLAND IS NUMBER THREE! I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS GAME!
Bad cop: You know what they say… when you get excited, you make an ass of yourself.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers
Good cop: What nice balance between the big afternoon game and this one! As many points as will be scored in Patriots vs. Broncos, that’s how many bone-jarring hits there will be in this one! The Steelers and Ravens play OLD-FASHIONED FOOTBALL!
Bad cop: Oops, I think Good Cop fell into a time-machine. Last week, Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger threw six touchdown passes. Back in Week Six, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco passed for five touchdown in twelve minutes. These are not your grandmother’s Ravens and Steelers. This game is just a cut-rate version of the Broncos v. Patriots game.
MONDAY, November 3, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Indianapolis Colts at New York Giants
Good cop: What a great way to end the football week! Two classic franchises with good teams going head to head on Monday Night! I love it when football weekends end like this!
Bad cop: You do know that the last game every week is the Monday night game, right? And that Monday isn’t really in the weekend? And that the Colts are going to gobble the Giants up as effortlessly as hundreds of thousands of kids are going to gobble up trillions of pieces of candy tonight?