The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps.
Week 17
Sunday, December 28, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots
Good cop: The Bills can almost make up for their terrible loss last week that kicked them out of playoff contention by finishing the season with a win in New England!
Bad cop: The Patriots have already clinched home-field advantage throughout the entire playoffs. They don’t need to win this game at all. Knowing Bill Bellichick, they might just spend the game practicing some very avante-garde offensive strategy, just in case.
Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens
Good cop: The Ravens will make the playoffs if they win this game and San Diego loses to Kansas City!
Bad cop: The Browns will make the playoffs when California falls into the ocean.
Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings
Good cop: Of all the meaningless (to playoff qualification or seeding) Week 17 games, this could be the best! It’s two rival teams that are going in opposite directions!
Bad cop: Yes… Minnesota is struggling to climb out of the dumpster while Chicago is hanging out in the landfill…
Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins
Good cop: Washington eliminated one divisional rival, the Philadelphia Eagles, last week! This week they have a chance to keep a first round playoff bye away from another divisional rival, the Dallas Cowboys, if they can win this game!
Bad cop: If there’s anything Washington D.C. is good at, it’s ruining the hopes of people throughout the country. Ha.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans
Good cop: The Texans are the longest of long shots to make the playoffs — they have to win and they need the Ravens and Chargers to lose! But they also have the easiest opponent this week! The Jaguars are not good and that’s good for the Houston Texans!
Bad cop: I love how you just managed to say a team was bad, something you’re normally loath to admit, but you still found a way to make that a good thing. The Jaguars are bad and the Texans are not really that much better. They don’t deserve a playoff spot and they won’t get one.
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
Good cop: I’m fascinated by this game! Who better for the struggling, yet playoff bound Colts to play than the 2-13 Titans?
Bad cop: Beating a team whose incentives are all lined up for losing won’t prove anything positive about the Colts.
San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs
Good cop: This is virtually a playoff game! Both teams need to win this game to make the playoffs! The Chargers could get in even if they lose, but if the Chiefs lose, they are out!
Bad cop: Too bad that Chiefs starting quarterback, Alex Smith, is out with a lacerated spleen. It takes a little of the drama away from this game.
New York Jets at Miami Dolphins
Good cop: The Jets have been an entertaining mess for years under head-coach Rex Ryan! This might be the last game of an era!
Bad cop: An era defined by dysfunction and mediocrity? Oh, I can’t wait to watch one last game in THAT era.
New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Good cop: These two teams have had disappointing seasons but they’ll look to close the year out with a win!
Bad cop: Your lack of cynicism drives me crazy. You think the Buccaneers don’t know they might get the first pick of next year’s draft if they lose? They know.
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants
Good cop: Grudge match!
Bad cop: Consolation match.
SUNDAY, December 28, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons
Good cop: This game is for all the marbles in the NFC South! Win and you make the playoffs! Lose and you go home!
Bad cop: Dramatic and ultimately futile. Winning a division and making the playoffs with a losing record is a damn shame.
Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos
Good cop: This may seem like a meaningless game, but it’s not! The Broncos can clinch a bye week with a win and there’s no player who would appreciate a week off more than 38 year-old Peyton Manning!
Bad cop: And no team easier to beat than the Oakland Raiders.
Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers
Good cop: Both teams have clinched a playoff spot but now they play each other for the NFC North division title and playoff positioning!
Bad cop: It’s hard, even for me, to find something bad to say about this game. It’ll probably stink.
Arizona Cardinals at San Francisco 49ers
Good cop: Down to their third quarterback, the Cardinals are the most compelling playoff team! I can’t wait to see if they can overcome their quarterback play to make a deep run this year!
Bad cop: I can save you the suspense. They won’t.
St. Louis Rams at Seattle Seahawks
Good cop: It’s such a shame that the Rams are stuck in a division with the Seahawks, Cardinals, and (not this year but for the last few years) the 49ers! Otherwise, they’d probably be a playoff team! They’re not bad!
Bad cop: “They’re not bad.” Heck of a rallying cry.
SUNDAY, December 21, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers
Good cop: The AFC North division, with the Bengals, Steelers, Ravens, and Browns, has been the best division from 1-4 all season! This game will finally decide who the winner is!
Bad cop: Yeah, yeah. It doesn’t really matter though. Both teams are in the playoffs for sure and neither one are likely to get a first round bye.