- SO MUCH FOOTBALL: So much that we’ll have a special edition of our NFL One Liners coming out in a little while. Watch this space (as Rachel Maddow says) for those convenient reminders of what to say if someone engages with you in a conversation about football.
- Cavaliers struggle without their horse: Sports writer and impresario Bill Simmons has a theory he calls the Ewing Theory that teams often counter-intuitively play better when they are missing their star player. This isn’t proving true for the Cleveland Cavaliers. After losing to the Dallas Mavericks 109-90 yesterday, the Cavaliers have lost three of four games while their star Lebron James is out with a knee injury.
Line: Not that it disproves the Ewing Theory, but the Cavs stink without LeBron. - So long, Stuart Scott: A popular and groundbreaking ESPN personality, Stuart Scott, died yesterday. Scott started at ESPN 22 years ago and is remembered most fondly for his time as an anchor on the sports highlight show, Sports Center. In the 1990s, when that show was the biggest thing in sports, Scott was one of the most charismatic anchors. People throughout the sports world (including President Obama, who said of his fellow Chicagoan: “I will miss Stuart Scott. Twenty years ago, Stu helped usher in a new way to talk about our favorite teams and the day’s best plays.”) are paying tribute to Scott. For more, read the ESPN obituary here.
Line: [Whatever you say about someone who has died at 49. If you knew his work, I wouldn’t try to feed you a line. If you didn’t, just ask people who are sports fans what they remember about Scott.]
Category: Cue Cards
What happened on Thursday, Jan 1, 2015?
- The Winter Classic went off without a hitch: The most important part of the NHL’s annual outdoor game on January 1 is that it gets completed with the requisite amount of spectacle and no major injuries. Both things happened (or didn’t happen) perfectly yesterday as the Washington Capitals beat the Chicago Blackhawks 3-2 on a crisp, sunny day in Washington D.C.
Line: No matter how many times I see it, there’s still something special and cool about seeing an NHL game played outdoors. - Stampeding Ducks trample Florida State: The first of the two college football semifinal games yesterday was a lopsided affair. The Oregon Ducks beat the Florida State Seminoles 59-20 in the Rose Bowl. Since the game was set up as a classic matchup of good (Oregon) vs. evil (Florida State), mostly everyone was happy with the outcome. I would even say that the reaction to quarterback Jameis Winston’s and Florida State’s dismantling on the internet could be described as gleeful.
Line: Getting blown out by Oregon is a fitting end for Florida State. Good riddance. - Sugar Bowl upset: The other college football semifinal game was the Sugar Bowl in Louisiana between Ohio State and Alabama. Alabama was favored in the game, having won the national championship recently and because they play in what is widely considered the best conference in the country, the SEC. Ohio State, playing with their third string quarterback, upset Alabama 42-35. This means that Ohio State will move on to play Oregon in the finals on January 12. The SEC has been so dominant that this is the first time in nine years the conference won’t have a team in the National Championship game. Most people think the move from a single national championship game to a four team playoff has made things more fair, but it’s also made things slightly more random. Alabama might be a better team but that doesn’t mean they will always beat a slightly worse team, like we just saw.
Line: Great win for Ohio State, but no SEC team in the finals…? I guess having a playoff is more fun but it’s not necessarily more fair.
What happened on Tuesday, December 30, 2014?
- The luck of the Irish strikes again: Notre Dame narrowly beat LSU in the Music City Bowl (college football). The score was 31-28 but that doesn’t take into account the few unlikely or controversial things that happened to take points off the board for LSU. Notre Dame blocked a field goal (not lucky but unlikely) and what looked like an LSU touchdown on fourth down with time expiring in the first half was ruled not a touchdown.
Line: The luck of the Irish! Of course, LSU has the “luck of the cajun” so either way we’d be saying someone was lucky. - Double overtime: The college basketball game between Maryland and Michigan State went into double overtime before a winner could be decided. Maryland won 68-66, cementing their place in the top 15 teams in the country. Michigan State coach Tom Izzo was not happy with the way the game was played and officiated and went off in a somewhat good natured way in the post-game press conference.
Line: Double overtime is exciting but in terms of conclusions you can make about the teams, it usually should be considered a tie. They’re both very good. - Nets beat Bulls: The Brooklyn Nets have been a disappointing yet not completely surprising team all year. They’re playing a little better lately and creeping closer to having won half their games. Last night they beat the Bulls impressively, 96-82. Their often injured, usually slightly bumbling center, Brook Lopez, had his best game of the season and scored 29 points!
Line: It’s a good thing the Nets are playing better this year because they basically mortgaged their next five or six years for the last three.
What happened on Monday, December 29, 2014?
- Everyone got fired: The day after the last regular season game in the NFL is unofficially known as Black Monday because it’s a day when many teams, whose owners feel they underperformed, fire their coaches and general managers. Yesterday the Chicago Bears and New York Jets fired their coach and GM, the Atlanta Falcons fired their coach, and the San Francisco 49ers and their coach, Jim Harbaugh, “mutually agreed” to part ways.
Line: I flip flop between real sympathy for those fired and indignation that I should feel any sympathy for people making millions of dollars who will easily find other high-paying jobs. - Two duds and a gem: Of the three college football bowl games yesterday, two were lopsided duds: Clemson beat Oklahoma 40-6 in the Russell Athletic Bowl and Arkansas beat Texas 31-7 in the Advocare V100 Texas Bowl. Only the Liberty Bowl between Texas A&M vs. West Virginia was a good game. Texas A&M narrowly edged West Virginia 45-37 thanks to a big day from their freshman quarterback, Kyle Allen. West Virginia almost won despite their quarterback having even less experience. How can you have less experience than a freshman? You could be like Skyler Howard, who (according to ESPN) was “making his second career start in place of Clint Trickett, who announced Friday he was giving up football because of multiple concussions.”
Line: College football shootouts are so much fun to watch but they make me feel a little dirty. - Liverpool crushes Swansea: Liverpool beat Swansea 4-1 yesterday in the only game on the British Premier League schedule. This victory vaults Liverpool up from 10th place, all the way to… 8th place. But really, the victory was actually kind of a big deal. Liverpool was all over Swansea, who had been ranked ahead of them. They even scored one of those fluky goals where an attacker leaped at the goalie as he was kicking the ball up-field and it actually bounced off the attackers back and went right into the goal.
Line: This victory puts Liverpool in striking distance as the first half of the season ends. - Wizards prove themselves: I said yesterday on the daily Dear Sports Fan Sports Forecast that the game between the Wizards and the Rockets was a good chance for the Wizards to prove themselves as a championship caliber basketball team. They did just that by beating the Rockets in a close, one-point game, 104-103. The Wizards fired on cylinders young and old. 21 year-old Bradley Beal led them with 33 points and 37 year-old Paul Pierce did his share with 21.
Line: Looks like the Wizards are for real!
What happened on Sunday, December 28, 2014?
- The last Sunday of the NFL regular season: That’s right, it’s all over but the shouting… and the playoffs. The shouting and the playoffs begin this coming weekend. Until then, the sports world will be buzzing with talk about the NFL season. For all your football talking needs, check out our last 2014 regular season edition of our NFL One Liner recaps.
- Gridlock at the top of the Premier League: You could easily be forgiven for thinking that yesterday might have been a dynamic day for the standings in British Soccer’s Premier League. Instead, the first place team (Chelsea) played the fourth place team (Southampton) and… tied. The second place team (Manchester City) could have taken advantage of that by beating up on the second to last place team (Burnley) but they… tied. And the third place team (Manchester United) would have moved up as well if it could have beaten the seventh place team (Tottenham Hotspur) but they… tied. Gah!
Line: Well, they are British soccer teams, maybe they were just being polite to one another? - Time for change in Cleveland?: The Cleveland Cavaliers lost badly (103-80) to the Detroit Pistons in Cleveland yesterday. This is notable because the Pistons are among the worst teams in the NBA and the Cavaliers were supposed to be a super team built around the greatest player in this era of NBA history, LeBron James. The Cavaliers have a fine record (18-12) but I wonder if at some point, the embarrassing performance will lead to their coach getting fired.
Line: It feels like coach David Blatt’s rope gets shorter and shorter with every bad loss.
What happened on Thursday, December 18, 2014?
- A long awaited trade: Point guard Rajon Rondo, formerly of the Boston Celtics, had been the subject of trade rumors for most of the last three years. He was finally traded last night to the Dallas Mavericks for Brandan Wright, Jae Crowder, and Jameer Nelson as well as a couple unremarkable draft picks. That’s not a giant haul in return for Rondo, who has been an all-star player and one of the best players on a championship team, but it’s probably close to the best the Celtics could do given that Rondo will become an unrestricted free agent at the end of the year. The trade makes the Mavericks one of the favorites to reach the finals from the Western Conference, but no better than about four other “favorites”.
Line: Probably best for all parties but it’s still hard to feel happy about the trade. - Injured players mar the featured NBA games: At least for television ratings, I assume. The early national game, the New York Knicks at Chicago Bulls was missing Derek Rose because he was sick and Carmelo Anthony because of knee soreness. The Bulls won 103-97. The late game, the Oklahoma City Thunder at Golden State Warriors, was an extremely high scoring and entertaining game that the Warriors won 114-109. Thunder star, Kevin Durant, left and did not return after turning an ankle. This might just be a turned ankle but Thunder fans are probably hyper-ventilating right now that it could be the kind of related injury that they were afraid of when Durant pushed himself to return quickly from a serious foot injury at the start of the season.
Line: Seems like a lot of players are getting hurt in the NBA these days. It’s all knees and ankles, which is less scary long-term than football injuries, but still threatening to athletes. - If the Jaguars win in the woods…: The Jacksonville Jaguars beat the Tennessee Titans in a game which mostly only had negative consequences for the winner. By losing, the Titans stay on the inside track to the overall number one draft pick in next year’s draft where you would expect them to select the recent Heisman trophy winner, quarterback Marcus Mariota. The Jaguars? Well, they probably don’t mind quite so much given that they just picked a quarterback in the draft, but still.
Line: Did you watch that football game last night? You did? You’ve got problems.
What happened on Wednesday, December 17, 2014?
- Liverpool shows their class: The game between Liverpool, currently 11th in the top British soccer league, the Premier League and AFC Bournemouth, currently the best team in the second league, could easily be seen as a referendum on the difference between the two leagues. The result was a 3-1 Liverpool win, a clear result that showed Liverpool’s players to be bigger, faster, and more in control despite Bournemouth having some good chances to score.
Line: Liverpool’s class showed through. - Bruins breakthrough: After a longish dry streak for Boston, the Bruins finally broke through and beat the Minnesota Wild 3-2 in overtime. It was particularly a relief for Bruins fans to see Loui Eriksson score the winning goal because one of the frustrating things during this slump has been tracking the success of Tyler Seguin, who the Bruins traded away primarily for Eriksson. Seguin has 23 goals so far this season, Eriksson now has six.
Line: The Bruins may be ailing but I think they’ve got the power to climb up the standings again in the next couple months. - Epic triple overtime game in San Antonio: The Memphis Grizzlies finally won, 117-116 at the end of the third overtime period in their game against the San Antonio Spurs. The game was pushed into overtime when Marc Gasol, a seven footer who is much more comfortable scoring from within a few feet of the basket, hit a leaning three point shot in the last seconds of regulation. To me, the funniest thing to think about is how angry Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich must have been every time the game went to another overtime. He’s famous for being at the forefront of the movement to rest his players during the regular season, something that’s difficult to do when the game goes an extra fifteen minutes!
Line: Three overtimes! Pop must have been pissed he had to play his guys so much longer.
What happened Tuesday, December 16, 2014?
- Golden State loses, finally: After winning 16 games in a row, the Golden State Warriors finally lost an NBA basketball game. The game was to the Memphis Grizzlies and they lost 105-98. The Grizzlies are like a photo-negative of the Warriors. The Grizzlies are all about their big men who play near the basket and the Warriors are a team whose best players are little dudes who shoot well from the outside.
Line: I guess the streak had to end sometime. It’s still impressive though. - If the Blues don’t get you: The St. Louis Blues are a prototypical young, talented team that’s just waiting to break through and win the Stanley Cup. Last night they beat the Stanley Cup Champions, the Los Angeles Kings, 5-2. The game was 2-1 in favor of the Kings after two periods but the Blues absolutely exploded in the third period with four unanswered goals, two of them on the power play.
Line: The Blues have the talent to win it all, games like this will help get them the experience needed. - Down goes Southampton: One of the great things about British soccer is that there are a few tournaments throughout the year that pit the teams from the top league, the Premiere League, against what should be inferior teams from lower leagues. The Capital One Cup, commonly called the League Cup, is one of those tournaments. It’s a single elimination deal with the 20 Premiere League teams and 72 teams from the Football League which is the next league down. This kind of competition is inconceivable in the United States, but it seems like a lot of fun. Yesterday, a Football League team, Sheffield United, beat a Premiere League team, Southampton 1-0 in the quarterfinals of the tournament!
Line: Sheffield United beating Southampton is like if the Durham Bulls beat the Baltimore Orioles.
Week 15 NFL One Liners
Green Bay Packers 13, at Buffalo Bills 21
Buffalo’s defense did something virtually no one has been able to do this year: make Packers QB Aaron Rodgers look bad.
Line: Buffalo’s defense is legit. If only they had a decent quarterback!
Jacksonville Jaguars, 12 at Baltimore Ravens 20
Baltimore made it harder than it had to be – but ultimately their defense was too much for Jaguars rookie quarterback Blake Bortles.
Line: Baltimore sure wins ugly – and Blake Bortles looks like he may be a bust, too.
Cleveland Browns 0, at Cincinnati Bengals 30
Polarizing Browns rookie Johnny Manziel was absolutely terrible – he gave the ball away and couldn’t get the offense going at all, meaning long-suffering Cleveland fans will have to go another year without making the playoffs.
Line: Johnny Football just led the Browns right out of the playoffs.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 17 at Carolina Panthers 19
This game is all about how bad the NFC south – which both teams play in – is this year. Carolina won and has a record of 5-8-1. They are currently leading that division.
Line: I mean, does someone actually HAVE to win the NFC South?
Houston Texans 10, at Indianapolis Colts 17
This was a battle between two of the rising stars in the league – Colts QB Andrew Luck and Texans defensive lineman JJ Watt – with the division title on the line. Luck threw two touchdowns to bring the Colts back in the second half and the Texans couldn’t do anything on offense all day.
Line: Luck looked shaky, but he came through when it counted – like he always does.
Oakland Raiders 13, at Kansas City Chiefs 31
The Chiefs won the latest game in this traditional rivalry – which has faded a bit because the Raiders frankly stink – by taking advantage of Oakland’s mistakes and not making any of their own.
Line: Remember when this rivalry used to matter? Is Oakland ever going to be good again?
Miami Dolphins 13, at New England Patriots 41
New England’s offense was too much for a Miami team that blew them out the first week of the season. Tom Brady was…well…Tom Brady, and the Pats clinched their 375th AFC East title in a row.
Line: Brady looks as good as he ever has – I don’t see who’s going to keep them out of the Super Bowl if he keeps playing like this.
Washington Redskins 13, at New York Giants 24
One of two truly meaningless and painful games to watch this week. Controversial Redskins QB Robert Griffin III was not as bad as he had been, but ultimately exciting Giants rookie Odell Beckham Jr won the suffix battle by scoring three touchdowns.
Line: Beckham’s practically unstoppable – when Victor Cruz gets back next year the Giants will have one of the most exciting receiver combos in the league.
Pittsburgh Steelers, 27 at Atlanta Falcons 20
Pittsburgh built a lead on the arm of Ben Roethlisberger and the legs of rookie RB Le’veon Bell and withstood Atlanta’s late comeback attempt. Both of these teams still have a chance at the playoffs.
Line: Big Ben wouldn’t let the Steelers lose – Atlanta didn’t look great, but they may still win the NFC South.
Denver Broncos, 22 at San Diego Chargers 10
Peyton Manning was sick and hurt, but he did just enough – along with some smothering defense – to lead the Broncos past their divisional rival Chargers. They clinched a spot in the playoffs – meanwhile, the Chargers are all but eliminated.
Line: Peyton’s not looking great, but he’s got enough to give them a chance, especially with that defense playing the way they are.
New York Jets, 16 at Tennessee Titans 11
The second meaningless game that was painful to watch – more painful to watch than Redskins-Giants. It’s best not to discuss this one, even if you’re asked.
Line: [shake head].
Minnesota Vikings, 14 at Detroit Lions 16
Detroit came from behind to win this game, helped by two interceptions thrown by Vikings QB Teddy Bridgewater. The Lions kicked the game winning field goal with a few minutes left and kept their playoff hopes alive.
Line: The Lions could still get in, but I’m not sure they deserve to after seeing this game.
San Francisco 49ers, 7 at Seattle Seahawks 17
San Francisco’s disappointing year continued as they’re eliminated from playoff contention – done in by Seattle’s defense and their own mistakes. As the Niners swoon continues (they may lose their head coach, John Harbaugh, this offseason), the Seahawks seem to be returning to the style and level of play that won them a Super Bowl.
Line: I don’t know what happened with the Niners, but I think Harbaugh’s gone.
Dallas Cowboys 38, at Philadelphia Eagles 27
Dallas looked like they were going to run away with this game, opening up a 21 point lead – Philly stormed back but ultimately had no answer for Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant, who caught three touchdowns. For once, the Cowboys didn’t choke in an important game. They’re now in the driver’s seat in the NFC East.
Line: I never would’ve thought Romo would be the one to come up big – but then, he was playing against Mark Sanchez.
What happened on Thursday, December 11, 2014?
- Football game mercifully ends, one team wins: Even though it’s not statistically true, it’s become normal for people to complain about the low quality of Thursday Night football games. The argument is that there’s not enough time for coaches to plan or players to recover from the last game. Those arguments were bolstered by last night’s dreadfully played game between the St. Louis Rams and Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals won 12-6 which is exactly the score you might expect when two teams with good defenses and incompetent offenses play each other.
Line: The Cardinals lost another starting quarterback last night. By the time they limp into the playoffs, they’ll not just be limping, they’ll be in a walking boot, on crutches. - LeBron is human, Cavaliers lose: One of the strongest signs of LeBron James’ dominance is that it’s hard to remember him ever being injured. Oh, sure, there was that little issue with cramps in last year’s playoffs, but everyone gets cramps. It’s pretty amazing that someone who is 6’8″ and plays at something between 250 and 280 lbs can run and jump as hard as him for so long and not suffer some kind of real injury. We were reminded of this last night when he sat out the game against the Oklahoma City Thunder because of some knee soreness. The Cavaliers without James lost handily, 103-94.
Line: I can’t ever remember LeBron actually being injured, can you? - Harden loves overtime: It’s almost as if James Harden, who was traded to the Houston Rockets from the Oklahoma City Thunder in a move that has been pilloried by the basketball intelligentsia, knew he was going to be on TV after his old teammates and wanted to remind everyone that he’s still a great player in his own right. He scored 44 points, ten of them in five minutes of overtime, to help his team beat the Sacramento Kings, 113-109.
Line: Harden just said, “Remember me? I’m still here!”