Tag: one liners

Week 13 NFL One Liners

The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps.

Week 13

Sunday, November 30, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Cleveland Browns 10, at Buffalo Bills 26

The Bills are riding high after two straight victories. They’re 7-5 and within spitting distance of the playoffs. The only problem is, they play the Broncos, Packers, and Patriots in three of their final four games. That’s a tough schedule!
Line: I feel for Bills fans — so much hope and so little chance of making the playoffs.

San Diego Chargers 34, at Baltimore Ravens 33

Wowee! The Chargers were down by ten points with about six minutes left and managed to catch up and win. All-together, they scored 21 points in the fourth quarter.
Line: A one point game. It literally does not get any closer than that.

Carolina Panthers 13, at Minnesota Vikings 31

The Panthers continue their under-the-radar disastrous season with a big loss to the Vikings. This time, it was two blocked punts that cost the Panthers. Most teams go whole seasons without allowing two of their punts to be blocked — the Panthers did it in one game.
Line: I didn’t think the Panthers were going to have such a poor season. 

Cincinnati Bengals 14, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 13

There’s a cliche in the NFL (and in sports in general) that good teams find a way to win and bad teams find a way to lose. What that means, is that little mistakes have big costs and bad teams like the Buccaneers seem to make a lot of costly bad mistakes. Today it was a long pass play that was called back because the Buccaneers had 12 men on the field.
Line: Getting the right number of people on the field seems foundational. The Buccaneers should work on that.

Tennessee Titans 21, at Houston Texans 45 

The Texans started the year with Ryan Fitzpatrick as their starting quarterback. They tired of his play midway through the year and moved to lesser known Ryan Mallett. Last week Mallett tore his pectoral muscle, so Fitzpatrick got his job back. This week Fitzpatrick threw for a team-record six touchdowns to lead his team to a victory.
Line: Ryan Fitzpatrick? Six Touchdowns? Ryan Fitzpatrick?!

Washington Redskins 27, at Indianapolis Colts 49

Coverage of the Washington Redskins’ collapse this year has focused on their three quarterbacks and who should be starting for the team. It’s much ado about nothing if the defense gives up 49 points!
Line: Washington should forget about its quarterback drama for a few days and focus on the defense.

New York Giants 24, at Jacksonville Jaguars 25

Giants fans are hurting after this loss to the woeful Jacksonville Jaguars. It’s probably time to admit that the Giants, who had a 21 point lead in this game and still lost, are equally woeful right now.
Line: That has got to hurt.

New Orleans Saints 35, at Pittsburgh Steelers 32

It’s been a while, it seems like more than a season, since we could say that Drew Brees played like the Drew Brees of old. The Drew Brees of old was a fairly unbeatable touchdown producing machine.
Line: Drew Brees played like the Drew Brees of old!

Oakland Raiders 0, at St. Louis Rams 52

Coming into this game, you might be forgiven for thinking there wasn’t that big of a difference between the 1-10 Raiders and the 4-7 Rams. You won’t be saying that anymore after this beat-down.
Line: The Rams want all of us to know that they’re a LOT better than the Raiders.

SUNDAY, November 30, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

Arizona Cardinals 18, at Atlanta Falcons 29

The story of the Falcons season has been overcoming injuries. They may have reached a point of saturation on that front. After losing three starters in the first half, they lost the game to the Falcons, who kept themselves in first place of their division with this victory.
Line: There’s only so many injuries a team can handle.

New England Patriots 21, at Green Bay Packers 26

One team had to lose this game (already not true, since there can be ties in the NFL, but you know what I mean) but it doesn’t really teach us anything we didn’t already know. These two teams are very, very good and even very, very good teams can lose football games.
Line: You think this might be a Super Bowl Preview?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Denver Broncos 29, at Kansas City Chiefs 16

The Chiefs tried their best, and actually, if it weren’t for a few big and somewhat random plays on special teams, the game would have been much closer. As it is, the Broncos running game pushed, trampled, and bulldozed the team to a victory.
Line: It becomes not really fair if Peyton Manning also has a good running game.

Week 12 NFL One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

Week 12

Sunday, November 23, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Cleveland Browns 26, at Atlanta Falcons 24

The Browns keep Cleveland’s magical sports year going with a victory. Sure, it was a two point victory on a last second field goal over a 4-7 team, but still.
Line: The Browns continue to look good but they still seem like they play the worst teams every week.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 13, at Chicago Bears 21

All of Chicago must have been mournfully eating deep-dish pizza at halftime with their Bears down 10-0. Luckily for them, the Bears offense woke up in the second half and rattled off 21 straight points.
Line: Up and down, down and down, down and up, that’s the Chicago Bears this year.

Cincinnati Bengals 21, at Houston Texans 13

People in the NFL media talk about “coaching trees” and judge coaches, in part by their ability to foster assistants who later become successful head coaches. The Tom Brady “quarterback tree”, which numbers at least two current quarterbacks, including Texans Ryan Mallett, is not a healthy one. Mallett struggled in second start and the Texans could not overcome his play.
Line: Ryan Mallett played like a new starter on Sunday.

Detroit Lions 9, at New England Patriots 34

Meanwhile, the real Tom Brady continues to stand up. Last week the Patriots won by running the ball through the center of the defense. This week, the Patriots took a look at their opponent, saw that their run defense was very good, and decided to throw the ball a lot. Brady completed 38 of 53 (that’s a lot) pass attempts and led the team to victory.
Line: The Patriots vary their game plan more from week to week than any other team.

Green Bay Packers 24, at Minnesota Vikings 21

This was a close game but as an observer, you probably felt that the Packers were never seriously at risk for losing it. You would have been right.
Line: This game was not as close as the score makes it seem.

Jacksonville Jaguars 3, at Indianapolis Colts 23

Oh boy. After seeming marginally competent for a few weeks, the Jaguars are back to their old tricks.
Line: This game was exactly as close as the score makes it seem.

Tennesse Titans 24, at Philadelphia Eagles 43

It’s an interesting truth about the NFL that the measure of a good team is more that they beat bad teams by a lot than that they win close games against good teams. The Eagles did their best to prove that they were good by beating up on the not-so-good Titans.
Line: The Eagles outclassed the Titans.

SUNDAY, November 23, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

St. Louis Rams 24, at San Diego Chargers 27

The Rams continue to prove to everyone that they can play with the best teams in the league. What differentiates them is their inability to consistently beat the bad teams (like the Eagles did the Titans.)
Line: If the Rams could play as well against the bad teams as they do against the good ones, losing a game like this wouldn’t hurt so badly.

Arizona Cardinals 3, at Seattle Seahawks 19

The Seahawks pretty much knew that they had to win this game to have a shot at winning their division. The Cardinals didn’t know anything that drastic, so it’s no surprise the game turned out this way.

Miami Dolphins 36, at Denver Broncos 39

The Dolphins continue to develop into one of the best teams in the NFL. Peyton Manning continues to cement his legacy as one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history.
Line: Hey, I’d like to see this game again, please. Please?

Washington Redskins 13, at San Francisco 49ers 17

The 49ers have now won their last three games and six of their last eight without inspiring virtually any confidence in their worth as a team. The Redskins have inspired thousands of statements about their worth as a team over that time but none that are safe for publication on this website.
Line: Another week, another uninspiring 49ers win.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Dallas Cowboys 31, at New York Giants 28

Just this:

Nothing else that happened is worth talking about more than that.
Line: HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT CATCH???

Week 11 NFL One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

Week 11

Sunday, November 16, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Houston Texans 23, at Cleveland Browns 7

The Texans spent their bye week preparing a new quarterback to start this game against the Browns. Meanwhile, their starting running back missed the game with a groin injury. No worries, they won easily.
Line: The Browns look good on paper but they’ve played a very easy schedule so far. Get ready for heart break in Cleveland.

Atlanta Falcons 19, at Carolina Panthers 17

The Falcons are now tied for first place in the NFC South division with four wins and six losses. The Panthers have lost five games in a row and are only one game back with three wins, seven losses, and a tie.
Line: This division is awful!

Minnesota Vikings 13, at Chicago Bears 21

After being humiliated last weekend on national television, the Chicago Bears came out and… well… still looked kinda shaky but they won at least.
Line: Beating the Vikings is better than losing to the Vikings, but it’s not anything to write home about.

Cincinnati Bengals 27, at New Orleans Saints 10

Welp, If it weren’t for the aforementioned terribleness of the NFC South division that the Saints are in with the Panthers, Falcons, and Buccaneers, it would be time to write off this Saints team. As is, it’s enough to say they aren’t playing up to the standard they set in the last few years.
Line: The Saints are so bad, even the Bengals can beat them.

Denver Broncos 7, at St. Louis Rams 22

When this game was almost over, I, like every other person who writes about football in the world, was anxiously checking to see what I had written and how sheepish I was going to have to be today.
Line: It’s actually not so bad, here was the Good Cop, Bad Cop preview for this game.

Good cop: The Rams are one of those teams that plays to the level of their competition! That means they will play extremely well in this game because that’s how good the Broncos are!

Bad cop: At 3-6, I think even you have to admit that the Rams play at least a little bit below the level of their competition.

Seattle Seahawks 20, at Kansas City Chiefs 24

The conclusion from this game has to be that the Chiefs are for real and the Seahawks aren’t. We’ll see how foolish that seems three weeks from now, but for now, that’s what to say.
Line: The Chiefs are for real and the Seahawks aren’t.

San Francisco 49ers 16, at New York Giants 10

Man, the 49ers were lucky to win this game. They kept trying (not really, but it seemed that way) to give the Giants the win, but the Giants quarterback, Eli Manning, just kept throwing interceptions — five in all.
Line: Eli Manning throws five interceptions and the 49ers only win by six points? Not impressive.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27, at Washington Redskins 7

Both these teams are terrible. The difference might be, that even coming into yesterday with only one win, the Buccaneers could still be harboring playoff hopes in their division where the best team only has four wins!
Line: I can’t wait to hear what the sports radio people in D.C. are going to say about their team today.

SUNDAY, November 16, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

Oakland Raiders 6, at San Diego Chargers 13

A win is a win, but after starting the year so impressively, Chargers fans have got to be anxiously shaking their heads following this ugly game.
Line: The Raiders are still winless, but if they could play the Chargers over and over again, you’d think they’d win a game pretty quickly. The Chargers don’t look good anymore.

Detroit Lions 6, at Arizona Cardinals 14

Hey, cool! In a matchup of two very good, very defensive teams, their game actually turned out to be good and low-scoring. The Cardinals did all their scoring in the first quarter and then hung on to win.
Line: The Super Bowl is in Arizona this year and the Cardinals are serious about becoming the first “real home team” in NFL history.

Philadelphia Eagles 20,  at Green Bay Packers 53

This game was more about the Packers than the Eagles. Right now, it doesn’t look like there’s a team in the world that can slow down the Packers’ offense.
Line: Nice game by the Packers but what was with those throwback uniforms? SO UGLY!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

New England Patriots 42, at Indianapolis Colts 20

Hmm. Things change fast in the NFL, but if you had to guess right now, a Green Bay Packers vs. New England Patriots Super Bowl would seem like a good bet. The Patriots don’t look beatable either.
Line: This game used to be the marquee matchup when it was Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning. New Colts quarterback Andrew Luck is great but even he couldn’t live up to the spotlight.

Week 10 NFL One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

Week 10

Sunday, November 9, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Kansas City Chiefs 17, at Buffalo Bills 13

After starting the season with two losses, the Chiefs have won six of their last seven games and are hurtling towards a playoff spot. The Bills are the exact opposite. They started the year with two wins and are now sinking towards missing the playoffs for the 15th straight season.
Line: Two teams headed in opposite directions pass each other in week 10. If they are both traveling at the speed of light, how far will they…

Tennessee Titans 7, at Baltimore Ravens 21

The Titans scored seven points in the first quarter and then not again for the rest of the game. That had to be frustrating for Titans fans. Frustrating for Ravens fans? They’re stuck in a division with three other really good teams.
Line: Are they the Tennessee Titans or the Titanics? ’cause their season is sinking fast.

Dallas Cowboys 31, vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 17 (In London)

Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo came back from missing one game with two broken bones in his back and led the team to a relatively easy win over the Jaguars. These London games might be fun to go to, but for some reason they’re almost always bad examples of what an NFL game should be like.
Line: Why do we keep sending the worst matchups over to London?

Miami Dolphins 16, at Detroit Lions 20

This game was one of the weekend’s best matchups. The Lions and Dolphins both seem to be on the upswing this season and they played a great game. Vegas’ common logic says that home-field advantage is worth three points, so this game suggests that the Lions are better than the Dolphins by a hair.
Line: I really enjoy both these teams.

San Francisco 49ers 27, at New Orleans Saints 24

The 49ers needed to win this game more than the Saints because, although they were both 4-4 coming into the game, the Saints division is much weaker than the 49ers. First it looked like the 49ers were going to win comfortably, then it looked like the Saints were going to beat them, then there was OVERTIME, and finally the 49ers won.
Line: Just like the Dolphins, Lions game, this one lived up to expectations.

Pittsburgh Steelers 13, at New York Jets 20

A classic “any given Sunday” game to use as evidence that even seemingly lopsided matchups in the NFL can have unexpected outcomes. After throwing 12 touchdowns in two weeks, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger couldn’t seem to get anything going against the canny Jets defense.
Line: Was this enough to save (Jets coach) Rex Ryan’s job?

Atlanta Falcons 27, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17

This game could be used as exhibit A for another NFL lesson. Even a game between two bad teams with almost no chance of making the playoffs is played in a spirited fashion. Why? Because every player on both teams is playing for their job each week.
Line: This game was more exciting to watch than you would think from the score and the, uh, teams involved.

SUNDAY, November 9, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

Denver Broncos 41, at Oakland Raiders 17

This was a good game for almost a quarter and a half of football. Then the Broncos woke up and remembered they were the Broncos and the Raiders remembered they were the Raiders and fell asleep.
Line: Sheeesh, the Broncos are good.

New York Giants 17, at Seattle Seahawks 38

The Giants were actually winning this game at halftime but the Seahawks scored 24 straight points in the second half and the Giants scored none. Seahawks running back, Marshawn Lynch, scored four touchdowns.
Line: BEAST MODE [Lynch’s nickname/catch phrase]

St. Louis Rams 14, at Arizona Cardinals 31

The Cardinals won this game to move to eight wins and one loss on the season, but the question of the day will be, “at what cost?” Their starting quarterback, Carson Palmer, went down with what looked like a bad knee injury in the fourth quarter.
Line: Arghh. The Cardinals were such a fun story. I hope Palmer is not too badly hurt.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Chicago Bears 14, at Green Bay Packers 55

This game was as lopsided as any game I’ve ever seen. The Packers came out and were simply better than the Bears in every facet of the game. It’s one of the few games where I wouldn’t have been surprised if the owner had fired the coach at halftime.
Line: If you were watching that game after the first half, you must have either had money riding on the outcome, or you just love rubbernecking.

Week 9 NFL One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

 

Week 9

Sunday, November 2, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17, at Cleveland Browns 22

The Cleveland Browns’ romp through the three weakest teams in the NFL continued today with a win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They’re now 5-3 but one senses that reality might treat the Browns harshly once they start playing better teams.
Line: The Browns cut through opponents like a knife through butter but… so far all their opponents have basically been butter.

Jacksonville Jaguars 23, at Cincinnati Bengals 33

Talking about weak opponents, that’s written on the back of every Jaguars business card. The Jaguars may be the best of the worst teams but they still fell to the Bengals.
Line: Another week, another Jaguars loss. Maybe they would do better if they had a different governor?

Arizona Cardinals 28, at Dallas Cowboys 17

This matchup of highly ranked teams was marred by the absence of Cowboys starting quarterback Tony Romo who missed the game because of two broken bones in his back.
Line: Without Romo, the Cowboys never seemed to have a chance against the Cardinals.

Philadelphia Eagles 31, at Houston Texans 21

The Eagles lost their starting quarterback, Nick Foles in this game. The Texans lost their starting running back, Arian Foster. Despite quarterbacks being generally though of as less replaceable than running backs, the Eagles didn’t miss a beat while the Texans faltered.
Line: The Eagles barely seemed to miss Foles when he got injured.

New York Jets 10, at Kansas City Chiefs 24

Kansas City needed some good news after suffering a game seven World Series loss and an early elimination from the Major League Soccer playoffs during the past week. They got it with the arrival of the woeful New York Jets.
Line: I expect Rex Ryan to get fired this week. 

San Diego Chargers 0, at Miami Dolphins 27

I have no idea what happened in this game. I’m not sure anyone has any idea what happened in this game.
Line: I have no idea what happened in this game.

Washington Redskins 26, at Minnesota Vikings 29

This game was overshadowed by two artifacts of protest against the use of a racial slur as the name of an NFL team. 1. When the team bus was involved in a traffic accident, the NFL’s official twitter account posted a photo but referred to the team only as “Washington,” noticeably not using the team’s name.  2. Thousands of Minnesotans gathered before the game to protest the name.
Line: Washington lost, but the bigger story might be them losing their name soon enough.

SUNDAY, November 2, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

St. Louis Rams 13, at San Francisco 49ers 10

All year, the 49ers have seemed like a powder-keg of resentment towards their coach and worse than expected performance. The Rams might have just lit a match and thrown it.
Line: Watch out for the “49ers are exploding” stories this week.

Oakland Raiders 24, at Seattle Seahawks 30

Not a bad showing from the Raiders on the road in Seattle. The Raiders specialize in moral victories.
Line: Remember when the Raiders we’re good? Oh, you weren’t born then? Neither was I.

Denver Broncos 21, at New England Patriots 43

Like an anticipated heavyweight boxing match that ends with a first round knockout, leaving viewers feel like they were robbed of some enjoyment, this game was over before it really got started.
Line: The Patriots hit the Broncos before they could get started.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Baltimore Ravens 23, at Pittsburgh Steelers 43

The new-age Ravens and Steelers may not be the defensive behemoths of old, but, even as they are scoring lots of points, they seem to hit each other harder than any team hits another team.
Line: The Ravens vs. Steelers rivalry still brings out the most violent aspects of football, it’s just that they score now too.