Cue Cards 11-3-2013: NFL One Liners

clapperboardCue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners in our cue cards series on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

NFL One Liners

Kansas City 23, Buffalo 13 — The Chiefs are undefeated but people suspect they are not quite as good as that would suggest because they’ve played a lot of weak teams or teams missing important players this year. Down, 10 – 3 at the half, the Chiefs looked like they were on their way to confirming those suspicions before they rallied to win.

Minnesota 23, Dallas 27 — The week after losing in the last minute of the game against the Lions, this week the Cowboys won in the last minute. This proves only that cowboys love drama.

Tennessee 28, St. Louis 21 — Football is a brutal sport and resting often helps. Before this game, the Titans had a week off. The Rams had one fewer day of rest than normal because they played last Monday. In a matchup of two mediocre teams, that might have been enough to decide who won.

New Orleans 20, New York Jets 26 — It’s starting to get creepy how Jets rookie quarterback Geno Smith alternates good and bad games. If you average ESPN’s proprietary measure of quarterback success, the QBR (quarterback rating) for the odd numbered weeks in the season so far (1, 3, 5, 7, 9) Smith receives a 52. Over even weeks, he has an average of 8.4. This week was an odd week — the Jets won.

San Diego 24, Washington 30 — Like the Cowboys, these two teams seem incapable of playing unentertaining games. Washington won, in part, by faking the Chargers defense out three times on the same running play from close to the end-zone they were trying to score on. Each time they gave the ball to little-known fullback Darrel Young who had only touched the ball twice all year before this game. This infuriated fantasy owners everywhere who were counting on more well-known Redskins scoring touchdowns.

Atlanta 10, Carolina 34 — It sure seems like when the Panthers win, they really win. Of the five games they’ve won so far, the closest one has been a 15 point margin.

Philadelphia 49, Oakland 20 — Eagles quarterback Nick Foles threw for seven touchdown passes in this game, tying the NFL record. You might remember that Peyton Manning threw seven touchdowns of his own on the opening night of this season. Before that, it hadn’t been done since 1969. Something strange is in the air. Or, you know, it might just be random.

Tampa Bay 24, Seattle 27 — In the same vein as the undefeated Chiefs, Seattle inspires suspicion that its true talent is not as good as its 8-1 record would suggest. The yet-to-win-a-game-this-year Buccaneers almost pulled off the upset but lost in overtime.

Baltimore 18, Cleveland 24 — Last year the Washington Redskins were 3-6 before winning their final seven games and making the playoffs. Their neighbors, the Baltimore Ravens would like to emulate them now that they are 3-5, and it’s possible, but it certainly feels like the defending Super Bowl champions have succumbed to what basketball coach Pat Riley famously called the “disease of me.”

Pittsburgh 31, New England 55 — For the past few weeks, the narrative surrounding Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady has been “what’s wrong with Tom Brady?” This week the narrative will be “nothing.”

Indianapolis 27, Houston 24 — The Texans were up 21-3 at halftime when head coach Gary Kubiak collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. Without Kubiak in the second half, the Texans were unable to prevent the Colts from coming back to win the game.

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