Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.
On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners in our cue cards series on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
NFL One Liners
The last week of the regular season!
Cincinnati 34, Baltimore 17 — In what was a bit of a recurring theme for today, the Ravens needed to win this game to qualify for the playoffs and they seemed almost hamstrung by needing it so badly. The Bengals beat them soundly.
Pittsburgh 20, Cleveland 7 — The Steelers were the longest of the four teams in the AFC that had a chance to get the last playoff spot. They needed to win and have Baltimore, Miami, and San Diego lose. They came, so, so close.
Atlanta 20, Carolina 21 — This is the kind of game that illustrates how the NFL has more parity than any other league. The not-so-good Falcons gave the very-good Panthers a run for their money.
Minnesota 14, Detroit 13 — Having been eliminated from playoff contention last week in ignominious fashion, this was the cherry on top of the poop for Lions fans.
Tennessee 16, Houston 10 — By losing this game, the Texans clinched possession of the number one draft pick in next year’s NFL draft which goes to the team with the worst record. At least now Texans fans have something interesting to think about.
Indianapolis 30, Jacksonville 10 — Recently Super Bowls have been won by teams, like Baltimore last year, that haven’t been dominant during the regular season. The Colts have a little bit of that feel to them… but they could also just lose in the first round next weekend. Who knows?
Miami 7, New York Jets 20 — Miami was the worst of the teams that needed to win and just couldn’t do it. The Jets, despite seeming awful for most of the year, end on a high note by eliminating their rivals from the playoffs.
New York Giants 20, Washington 6 — This adds fuel to the fire of people claiming that Redskins coach Mike Shanahan is trying to get fired.
New England 34, Buffalo 20 — Ho hum, Tom Brady, Bill Bellichick, and the New England Patriots have their 13th winning season in a row. The next longest streak in the NFL is four.
Chicago 28, Green Bay 33 — This was one of two de-facto playoff games where the winner of the game would make the playoffs and the loser would be out. It was a great game with lots of drama and lead-changes, and it came down to some last minute heroics by star Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers who came back this weekend after missing seven weeks with a broken collar bone.
Oakland 14, Denver 34 — The Broncos and their quarterback Peyton Manning finished their record breaking season by breaking all kinds of records. The Raiders… not so much.
San Diego 27, Kansas City 24 — This was probably the weirdest game of the day. This game meant literally nothing to the Chiefs, who couldn’t move up or down in playoff seeding, and everything to the Chargers who knew they just needed to win to make the playoffs. The Chiefs benched almost all of their starters and still almost beat the Chargers in overtime. Fans in San Diego and Pittsburgh (which would have made the playoffs if the Chargers had lost) spent three and a half hours in agony.
New Orleans 42, Tampa Bay 17 — The Saints had to win to ensure a playoff spot and they certainly were convincing.
Arizona 20, San Francisco 23 — It must have been tough for the Cardinals players to concentrate knowing that they needed to win and have the Saints lose to make the playoffs. The Cardinals have the unwanted mantle of best team to miss the playoffs.
Seattle 27, St. Louis 9 — Last week I wrote that for some reason I still don’t think the Seahawks are very good. I still don’t. I will continue to write this until after they win the Super Bow.
Dallas 22, Philadelphia 24 — This was the second win-or-go-home game of the day and, like the Bears vs. Packers, it was an exciting game. The Cowboys continued their soap-opera-ish ways by losing their starting quarterback, Tony Romo, to back surgery in the week preceding this game. They still almost had enough to sneak by the Eagles and make the playoffs.