The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the Week 1 matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps. For snack ideas, check out Mashable’s 32 hot dog recipes that correspond to the 32 NFL teams.
Week 1
Sunday, September 7, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Buffalo Bills at Chicago Bears
Good cop: Two classic teams with blue-collar fan bases that deserve to see their teams thrive!
Bad cop: Uh, the Bills quarterback is on such thin ice that the team just signed journeyman backup Kyle Orton and there’s already talk he might take over.
Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens
Good cop: Division rivals!
Bad cop: A matchup between the two most overrated and overpaid quarterbacks in the league, Andy Dalton and Joe Flacco.
Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers
Good cop: Division rivals!
Bad cop: The Browns’ best wide receiver, Josh Gordon, is suspended for the year because he smoked some weed and their most exciting quarterback, rookie Johnny Manziel isn’t going to play.
Washington Redskins at Houston Texans
Good cop: One of the most athletic quarterbacks in the league, Robert Griffin III, goes up against the dominating defensive line of the Houston Texans!
Bad cop: Yeah, great. That’ll be fun to watch for the first five minutes until J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney stomp so thoroughly on RGIII that there’s nothing left to see.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Philadelphia Eagles
Good cop: The Eagles are the fastest playing team in the league and the Jaguars are going to emulate them! We could see 100 points in this game!
Bad cop: They would still all be scored by the Eagles.
Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs
Good cop: The Titans have a young promising quarterback and very underrated wide receivers while the Chiefs have the best running back in the league!
Bad cop: I know but doesn’t this game just make you want to say, “meh”?
New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins
Good cop: The Patriots travel down to steamy Miami where they will struggle with the young Miami defense!
Bad cop: Tom Brady struggle? Not likely.
Minnesota Vikings at St. Louis Rams
Good cop: Viking Cordarrelle Patterson and Ram Tavon Austin both make real life football look like a video game because they’re such dynamic athletes!
Bad cop: Unfortunately they’ve got terrible quarterbacks throwing them the ball.
New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons
Good cop: Games between these teams are ALWAYS exciting! Dynamic offenses, great players, what more could you want?!
Bad cop: This game may not be totally uninteresting and horrible.
Oakland Raiders at New York Jets
Good cop: So kind of you to say that about the Saints vs. Falcons game! Just for that, I’ll admit, this game is totally uninteresting and horrible!
Bad cop: It is.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, AT 4:25 P.M. ET
Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Good cop: Two of the more mysterious teams in the league this year! The Panthers were good last year and the Buccaneers were horrible but it seems like things might flip this year for both of them!
Bad cop: The Panthers have an excellent quarterback but figuratively no one to catch the ball. The Buccaneers signed Josh McCown on the basis of one good year. If he were actually good enough to start, wouldn’t that have shown before he turned 35?
San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys
Good cop: Classic franchises, exciting players like Colin Kaepernick, Michael Crabtree, Dez Bryant, and Tony Romo!
Bad cop: Simple outcome. The Cowboys have the worst defense in the league. They’re going to lose.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos
Good cop: Peyton Manning against his old team! Andrew Luck is awesome!
Bad cop: A fun plot-line, but I bet the game feels antiseptic.
Monday, SEPTEMBER 8, AT 7:10 and 10:20 P.M. ET
New York Giants at Detroit Lions
Good cop: Eli Manning is Peyton’s brother! He’s also really good at football!
Bad cop: Now you just sound like me. This game is already the Dear Sports Fan “Do not watch this game” game. ’nuff said.
San Diego Chargers at Arizona Cardinals
Good cop: The last game of the weekend could be the best one! The Chargers had a great run into the playoffs at the end of last year and the Cardinals were the best team in the league to miss the playoffs!
Bad cop: Cardinals Quarterback, Carson Palmer, hasn’t won an opening game since 2007! The Cardinals have no chance! Also no functioning offensive linemen!