The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps.
Week 13
Sunday, November 30, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills
Good cop: The Bills return to a rapidly shoveling Buffalo as triumphant heroes, having traveled to Detroit for a “home game” last week and won! Let’s see what they do as an encore!
Bad cop: As an encore? Well, unfortunately, they can only beat the Browns or lose to the Browns. Neither is very impressive.
San Diego Chargers at Baltimore Ravens
Good cop: These teams are like transcontinental doppelgängers: reliable, veteran quarterbacks, mostly anonymous but solid skill players on offense, very good defenses!
Bad cop: … boring, no real chance to win the Super Bowl…
Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings
Good cop: This game is my chance to break out my silver and purple track suit and wear it to the bar!
Bad cop: This game is your ONLY chance to do that.
Cincinnati Bengals at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Good cop: The Buccaneers are like the Black Night in the Monty Python movie! They don’t know when they’ve been beaten, and somehow, despite having lost nine of their eleven games so far this year, they’re still not eliminated from playoff contention!
Bad cop: If the Buccaneers are the Black Night, the Bengals are like their Spanish Inquisition because no matter what you expect, they do something else.
Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans
Good cop: This game just goes to show that even in the deepest doldrums of the NFL, were the games are meaningless and the teams non-descript, there are still interesting story lines! The return of Ryan Fitzpatrick, the growth of Bishop Sankey!
Bad cop: Sounds like a Jane Austin novel. Come to think of it, I’d rather read a Jane Austin than watch this game.
Washington Redskins at Indianapolis Colts
Good cop: Three years ago, Indianapolis chose quarterback Andrew Luck first in the draft. Washington traded up to take Robert Griffin III second! Now Luck is a legitimate star and Griffin just got benched and may never play in Washington again!
Bad cop: While you and everyone else talk about that storyline, I’m focused on the fact that Griffin’s replacement is named Colt — the same name of the team they’re playing against. Talk about suspicious.
New York Giants at Jacksonville Jaguars
Good cop: Did you see Giants receiver, Odell Beckham’s catch last week?! If that guy’s playing, I’m watching!
Bad cop: Sorry, overruled by my rule of: if the Jaguars are playing, I’m watching something else.
New Orleans Saints at Pittsburgh Steelers
Good cop: The Saints and the Steelers are both desperate veteran teams teetering on the thin edge of playoff viability!
Bad cop: Wait, isn’t that what I’m supposed to say? Oh, I see, you think that makes this compelling, I think it just makes it a little depressing.
Oakland Raiders at St. Louis Rams
Good cop: Based on the rumors I’m hearing, both these teams might move to Los Angeles during the offseason, that means this could be the conception of a very interesting rivalry!
Bad cop: Gotcha — you want to watch a game between two team that are so bad and have been bad for so long that their owners might pick up and move to L.A.? Why?
SUNDAY, November 30, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Arizona Cardinals at Atlanta Falcons
Good cop: Like two kids in elementary school who are always forced to sit together, these ‘A’ teams have a healthy rivalry!
Bad cop: You just made that up. The Falcons are terrible and the Cardinals are good. You’re trying to gin up interest in a legitimately boring game.
New England Patriots at Green Bay Packers
Good cop: Over the past two months, two teams have played better than any other teams! Those teams are the Patriots and the Packers and they face off this weekend! Lucky us!
Bad cop: The way the NFL works lately, peaking from October to December means you’re almost definitely not going to win the Super Bowl. It’s too hard to stay on top for so long. Remember that as you watch this game.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs
Good cop: Like the Packers vs. Patriots, there’s almost no need for me to preview this game! It’s such a good matchup, I dare you — I defy even you to think of something negative to say about it!
Bad cop: Uh… it’s a shame the Chiefs are coached by Andy Reid instead of Baby Andy Reid.
MONDAY, December 1, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Miami Dolphins at New York Jets
Good cop: The Jets are a dysfunctional mess! I know, I know, that’s normally a bad thing! But listen, for years a story about a dysfunctional mess in Northern New Jersey
Bad cop: Rex Ryan is no Tony Soprano.