On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
Week 14
Sunday, December 7, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Baltimore Ravens 28, at Miami Dolphins 13
The Dolphins went up early in this game and then… well, maybe they got distracted by Christmas shopping? Not sure how else to explain the total collapse that followed.
Line: So much for the Dolphins being a playoff team. They might still make it but they shouldn’t.
Indianapolis Colts 25, at Cleveland Browns 24
This was the heartbreaker of the day. The Browns really deserved to win this game after outplaying the Colts for at least two-thirds of the game despite being mildly outclassed.
Line: Cleveland doesn’t deserve more sports heartbreak but they sure get it often enough.
Pittsburgh Steelers 42, at Cincinnati Bengals 21
After a couple years of the Bengals outpacing the Steelers, it seems like the world is being brought back to normalcy. The Steelers traditionally beat the Bengals.
Line: Big Ben beat the Bengals. (Ten times fast.)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17, at Detroit Lions 34
It wasn’t more than a handful of years ago that the Lions were like the Buccaneers — perennial losers who can’t seem to win no matter what they do.
Line: My, how things have changed in Detroit.
Houston Texans 27, at Jacksonville Jaguars 13
The Texans keep themselves in the playoff race with this victory but you get the sense that is more of a mathematical reality than a realistic one.
Line: The Texans are just good enough to consistently beat the bad teams, which was more than good enough today.
New York Jets 24, at Minnesota Vikings 30
Quietly, after beating the hapless New York Jets in overtime, the Vikings are 6-7 and flirting with .500. That’s not bad for a team that has looked almost as bad as the very worst teams in the league at times this year.
Line: The Vikings might be sneaky good. The Jets coaches should be sneaking back home so they don’t get fired when they get off the plane.
New York Giants 36, at Tennessee Titans 7
I think that long time Giants coach Tom Coughlin might retire after this season even if he doesn’t get fired, but it’s a real credit to him the way his players rally around him even when there’s no hope left for this season.
Line: The Giants are down and out but at least they’re not the Titans.
St. Louis Rams 24, at Washington Redskins 0
Did I say “the Giants are down and out but at least they’re not the Titans”? I meant, “at least they’re not the Redskins”. What an insanely decrepit and dysfunctional organization.
Line: I think the Redskins unfavorables just passed the Congress’. And that’s saying something!
SUNDAY, December 7, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Buffalo Bills 17, at Denver Broncos 24
I don’t understand what NFL god has it out for the Bills. First they get stuck in a division forever with the Patriots. Then, the one year they’re half-decent and have a shot to make the playoffs, they are somehow scheduled to play against the Broncos just when they need a win? Gah.
Line: I guess it’s true — if it weren’t for bad luck, the Bills would have no luck at all.
Kansas City Chiefs 14, at Arizona Cardinals 17
Wow — this was the most exciting game of the day if you go by importance to the overall playoff picture. At halftime, the ascendant Chiefs looked ascendant and the collapsing Cardinals looked collapsy. But then the Cardinals scored 11 points in the third quarter and shut the Chiefs out for the entire second half and flipped the script.
Line: Things change fast in the NFL. Now the Cardinals look like they might have enough to hold off the Seahawks for the division lead and the Chiefs look like they’re in trouble.
San Francisco 49ers 13, at Oakland Raiders 24
All year, the story hovering around the 49ers has been that the potential departure of their coach Jim Harbaugh has been negatively affecting their play. This week, rumors that the 49ers might trade him to the Raiders were buzzing. After today’s game, Harbaugh might not mind going across the bay to Oakland.
Line: Harbaugh might as well just stay in Oakland after this game.
Seattle Seahawks 24, at Philadelphia Eagles 14
After winning the Super Bowl last year, the Seahawks started slow this year but now it’s December and they are starting to look decidedly unbeatable again.
Line: I guess that Super Bowl hangover has lifted.
SUNDAY, December 7, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
New England Patriots 23, at San Diego Chargers 14
Another close game at half-time where one team shut the other out in the second half to win. That must be all the rage these days because I think it happened two or three times yesterday. In this game it was the Patriots who shut the Chargers out in the second half while they scored 10 points of their own in the fourth quarter.
Line: I’m sure there’s some stat about the Patriots not losing two games in a row very many times over the past fifteen years while Tom Brady has been quarterback and Bill Bellichick has been coach.