On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
Week 16
Saturday, December 20, at 4:30 p.m. ET
Philadelphia Eagles 24, at Washington Redskins 27
All the Eagles had to do to keep themselves in the playoff hunt and put the pressure on their rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, was beat the dysfunctional 3-11 Washington Redskins. Could they? No.
Line: Heartbreak in Philadelphia; confusion in Washington D.C.
Saturday, December 20, at 8:30 p.m. ET
San Diego Chargers 38, at San Francisco 49ers 35
Down 28-7 at halftime, the San Diego Chargers came all the way back in the second half to force overtime and eventually win the game. This win knocked San Francisco officially out of the playoffs and launched the Chargers into a wildcard spot.
Line: That Saturday night game was exciting and important!
Sunday, December 21, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Baltimore Ravens 13, at Houston Texans 25
Ravens fans had to feel like they had won the lottery before this game because they knew their defense would be facing the seemingly exploitable Texans quarterback, Case Keenum, who was winless in eight starts last year. Now they’ve got to be stunned and disappointed after their team was the one that got exploited.
Line: Case was on the case. (Or some other horrible “case” pun.)
Cleveland Browns 13, at Carolina Panthers 17
Playing quarterback in the NFL is a tough job, even for tough people. Browns quarterback, Johnny Manziel, found that out the hard way after he was knocked out of the game early on with a hamstring injury. Panthers quarterback, Cam Newton, already knows the deal — he played two weeks after suffering broken bones in his back during a car accident.
Line: The Panthers are somehow favored to make the playoffs despite a record of six wins, eight losses, and one tie.
Detroit Lions 30, at Chicago Bears 14
Sometimes a team that has absolutely no hope is the dangerous kind of team to play against. That team in this game was the Chicago Bears who benched their franchise quarterback, Jay Cutler, and played better than they have in weeks but not quite well enough to beat the Lions.
Line: The Bears made Jay Cutler look like he was part of the problem by playing well in this game.
Green Bay Packers 20, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3
The story of this game was the several fans who were hospitalized after the game because they had been struck by lightening!
Line: Getting hit by lightening is incredibly unlikely, but not as unlikely as it would have been for Tampa Bay to beat the Packers.
Kansas City Chiefs 12, at Pittsburgh Steelers 20
The Steelers guaranteed themselves a playoff spot with this win and the Chiefs guaranteed themselves another week of angst before almost definitely missing out on the playoffs themselves.
Line: The Steelers are quietly becoming a popular team to talk about as having a shot to make it to the Super Bowl.
Minnesota Vikings 35, at Miami Dolphins 37
The future seems bright for both these teams after a back and forth offensive game ended with the Dolphins ahead but only barely on the scoreboard.
Line: If I were a Vikings or a Dolphins fan, I think I’d be reasonably happy with my team this year.
New England Patriots 17, at New York Jets 16
I wouldn’t put it past Patriots coach, Bill Bellichick, to have instructed his team to troll their rivals, the Jets, by making them think they had a chance to win, only to steal it away from them. That said, I think the Jets just get excited to play the Patriots and play much better against them than any other team.
Line: What, you didn’t think the Patriots were actually going to lose to the Jets, did you?
Atlanta Falcons 30, at New Orleans Saints 14
The Falcons’ victory over the Saints eliminates the Saints from playoff contention, gives the Falcons a chance to make the playoffs if they win their next game, and guarantees that the winner of their division will have a losing record.
Line: What a travesty. Also… it’s pretty exciting!
SUNDAY, December 14, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
New York Giants 37, at St. Louis Rams 27
Odell Beckham Jr., a wide receiver on the Giants, is having one of the best debut seasons of anyone, football player or not, in recent memory. He also absolutely crushed my friend Alex in our fantasy football league’s championship game.
Line: Odell Beckham Jr. is the truth.
Buffalo Bills 24, at Oakland Raiders 26
Don’t cry for me, Buffalo. I don’t actually know what that reference means, but it seems like it would be either appropriate or ironic for fans of the Buffalo Bills. The Bills were expected to beat the Raiders, who are among the worst five teams in the league, to stay in the playoff hunt, but they couldn’t get it done.
Line: Oh Buffalo, so sad!
Indianapolis Colts 7, at Dallas Cowboys 42
Sometimes the story of a game can be predicted, almost before the game, from the relative need of each team to win. The Cowboys needed to win to guarantee their spot in the playoffs. The Colts couldn’t change their playoff positioning with a win at all. Q.E.D., the Cowboys won.
Line: It’s hard to win a game if you don’t need to.
SUNDAY, December 21, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Seattle Seahawks 35, at Arizona Cardinals 6
The Cardinals proved that, no matter how valiantly you try, you can’t beat a good team without even a half-decent quarterback. It’s lucky for the Cardinals that they’ve already clinched a playoff spot and hopefully their second string quarterback will be healthy by then. Meanwhile, the Seahawks look unbeatable, just like last year.
Line: This game showed why there were rumors last week about Kurt Warner coming out of his five years of retirement to play quarterback for the Cardinals.