On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
Week 17
Sunday, December 28, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Buffalo Bills 17, at New England Patriots 9
Winning football games is hard and tiring and bruising. The Patriots had no need to win this game because no combination of results this weekend could have kept them from being the top team in the AFC and guaranteed to host all of the games they play in the playoffs until the Super Bowl.
Line: The Patriots didn’t need it, so they didn’t win it.
Cleveland Browns 10, at Baltimore Ravens 20
The Ravens needed to win this game and have a couple other things happen in the early games to make the playoffs. While they were winning the game, the other couple things happened. They’re in!
Line: The Ravens needed some help to get into the playoffs but what they could control (beating the Browns,) they did control.
Chicago Bears 9, at Minnesota Vikings 13
What a lost season from the Chicago Bears. They were expected to make the playoffs and instead, they only won five games. The Vikings can feel moderately good about themselves. They won seven games this year while mostly playing a rookie quarterback.
Line: There’s be hope today in Minnesota but the same can’t be said for Chicago.
Dallas Cowboys 44, at Washington Redskins 17
The Cowboys wanted to win this game in order to better their playoff seed. Still, you get the feeling that even if they hadn’t wanted to win, they might have won anyway. That’s how deeply depressing this season was for Washington.
Line: Hey, if you’re feeling sad about the end of the NFL regular season, just think — at least it means no more watching the Redskins!
Jacksonville Jaguars 17, at Houston Texans 23
The Texans are this year’s hard-luck team. They’re going to just miss out on the playoffs, but you have to wonder what would have been if they hadn’t been forced to go down to their third quarterback… when their first two weren’t that good to start out with!
Line: I feel bad for the Texans — I wish they could have snuck into the playoffs.
Indianapolis Colts 27, at Tennessee Titans 10
The Colts didn’t really have any reason to win this game, but after losing so badly last week, this must have felt somewhat cathartic. The Titans wanted to lose to try to get the first pick in next year’s draft, but unfortunately for them, Tampa Bay lost also to clinch that first pick for themselves.
Line: Meaningless victory for the Colts.
San Diego Chargers 7, at Kansas City Chiefs 19
By beating the San Diego Chargers, the Kansas City Chiefs knocked them out of the playoffs. Too bad for the Chiefs that the Ravens were simultaneously knocking them out of the playoffs.
Line: Talk about bitter-sweet victories. No one watching this game ended up happy.
New York Jets 37, at Miami Dolphins 24
Playing the day after reports surfaced that Jets head coach Rex Ryan had already cleaned his office out in the expectation of being fired, the Jets finally looked good on offense.
Line: Ha! Maybe Rex Ryan was so busy cleaning out his office that he didn’t have time to ruin the offensive game plan.
New Orleans Saints 23, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 20
The Saints counter-intuitively helped a division rival by beating the Buccaneers today and therefore ensuring that they will pick first in next year’s NFL draft. The draft is no sure thing, but the Buccaneers fans are happier today than the Saints fans.
Line: It’s a hard call — do you try to lose to keep a rival from getting the first pick?
Philadelphia Eagles 34, at New York Giants 26
The season ends for these teams the way it’s been all along. The Eagles are marginally better than the Giants, but neither are good enough to compete with the best in the NFL.
Line: The tri-state area gets shut out from the playoffs.
SUNDAY, December 28, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Carolina Panthers 34, at Atlanta Falcons 3
Well, that wasn’t close. The Panthers beat the Falcons to win the NFC South and clinch a playoff spot. Despite having a losing record, the Panthers look like a dangerous team. They’ve won their last four games and because they are a division winner, they’ll get to host their first playoff game.
Line: Wouldn’t it just be so typical of the NFL if the Panthers made a run in this year’s playoffs?
Oakland Raiders 14, at Denver Broncos 47
The Broncos left nothing up to chance when it came to making sure they got a bye week.
Line: Peyton Manning wanted to rest up. Or maybe just film some more commercials!
Detroit Lions 20, at Green Bay Packers 30
Aaron Rodgers gave the Packers fans a scare when he went down (while throwing a touch down, mind you,) grabbing his calf. He’ll have an extra week to rest and recuperate thanks to this victory over the Lions which clinched a first round bye in the playoffs.
Line: Aaron Rodgers is remarkable.
Arizona Cardinals 17, at San Francisco 49ers 20
The Cardinals are struggling mightily and valiantly to win games with their third quarterback starting. It’s not working.
Line: I know they’ll probably lose, but I can’t help but root for the Cardinals in the playoffs.
St. Louis Rams 6, at Seattle Seahawks 20
The Seahawks clinched the number one seed in their conference, and (like the Patriots in theirs) home field throughout the playoffs.
Line: The poor Rams — so decent and so trapped in a division with way better than decent teams.
SUNDAY, December 21, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Cincinnati Bengals 17, at Pittsburgh Steelers 27
By winning this game, the Steelers won their division and will now host the Baltimore Ravens in the first round of the playoffs. By losing, the Bengals need to travel to Indianapolis in the first round. It’s not clear to me that there’s that much of a competitive advantage to hosting Baltimore over traveling to Indianapolis. It’s certainly not worth losing your best offensive player for, which is exactly what happened to both teams. Steelers running back, Le’veon Bell left the game with a knee injury and Bengals wide receiver, A.J. Green, left with a possible concussion.
Line: In this case, I don’t think the playoff seeding was worth the collateral damage.