Sports talk is frequently used as a common language but it’s far from universal. If you’re someone who doesn’t follow or even understand sports, you can find yourself at a disadvantage in common small-talk situations like in an elevator, waiting for a bus, sitting at a bar, or around the proverbial water cooler at work. Even if you are a sports fan, it’s impossible to watch everything and know everything. To help in these situations, we provide lines to use when engaged in a conversation about all of the high profile sporting events of the day, plus explanations of what they mean.
NFL Football
Kansas City Chiefs 34, Baltimore Ravens 14
Line: I guess everyone likes Jamaal Charles too much to say it, but this team is experiencing a classic Ewing Theory season.
What it means: The Ewing Theory is a creation of sports columnist Bill Simmons. His idea is that when a team loses its best player, they sometimes counter-intuitively play better than when they had him or her. In the case of the Chiefs, they had won only one game and lost four when their star running back, Jamaal Charles, was lost for the season to an injury. Since then, they’ve only lost one game and won seven!
Houston Texans 16, Indianapolis Colts 10
Line: What a year for Brandon Weeden!
What it means: Brandon Weeden was once a high draft pick of the Cleveland Browns. He was a disaster there and slunk away to fulfill his destiny as a player obviously not good enough to be a starter — being a backup quarterback. He started this year on the Dallas Cowboys and took over for them when their starting quarterback, Tony Romo, broke his collarbone. After a few games of seeing Weeden as a starter, the Cowboys realized what the Browns had and cut him. Just a few weeks later, when the Houston Texans needed a backup quarterback, they signed Weeden (maybe just because he was in the neighborhood?) When their starting quarterback in this game, T.J. Yates, injured his knee, in came Brandon Weeden to lead the Texans to a major victory. With only two games to go, Weeden and his new team are a game ahead of the other teams for the lead in their division. He could get to the playoffs… if he doesn’t get cut first.
Tennessee Titans 16, New England Patriots 33
Line: Looks like the Patriots won their scrimmage pretty easily.
What it means: This wasn’t a very competitive game. The Patriots are one of the NFL’s top five teams and the Titans are easily one of the league’s worst.
Buffalo Bills 25, Washington Redskins 35
Line: This game wasn’t as close as the score would suggest.
What it means: How can the score of a game, which is measured primarily by score, be deceptive? Well, in this case, Washington was up 28-3, a near unassailable lead, before they let their opponent score their first touchdown of the game. The Bills got a few more scores late in the game, but only after the result was basically a fait accompli.
Chicago Bears 17, Minnesota Vikings 38
Line: Uh… According to one way of looking at things,Teddy Bridgewater had the best game a quarterback has had since 1964.
What it means: An NFL employee named Randall Liu noted today that the quarterback of the Vikings, Teddy Bridgewater was the first quarterback since 1964 to complete 85% of his passes, pass for four touchdowns, run for one, and avoid throwing any interceptions. Realistically, it’s the running for one that makes this such a rare feat — quarterbacks don’t usually run for touchdowns — but that doesn’t lessen the impact. Bridgewater had a hell of a day!
Carolina Panthers 38, New York Giants 35
Line: What is it with the Giants and undefeated teams?? I guess they’ll win the Super Bowl now.
What it means: In 2007, the New England Patriots were 15-0 going into their last regular season game, which happened to be against the New York Giants. Although the Patriots won, 38-35, the Giants gave them a much tougher game than expected. Both teams made the playoffs and eventually met in the Super Bowl, where the Giants upset the Patriots. The Panthers were undefeated coming into this game, and remain undefeated after winning it. Still, there’s something eerily similar about the scenario, right down to the score…
Atlanta Falcons 23, Jacksonville Jaguars 17
Line: Somehow this one loss for the Jaguars sucks as much for them as the previous six did for the Falcons.
What it means: The NFL gives an automatic playoff spot to the team in each four-team division that ends the year with the best record. The Falcons are in the same division as the undefeated Carolina Panthers, so you felt they were fated not to win the division even before they lost six games in a row. The Jaguars, even though they have a worse record overall than the Falcons, were still in contention for winning their division before this game. That’s why losing this game hurt Jaguars fans so badly.
Green Bay Packers 30, Oakland Raiders 20
Line: Not a bad football game, for one played in the shower.
What it means: Rain doesn’t normally effect the play of professional football players. Usually, only a few inches of snow on the field or high winds have a noticeable effect. This was an exception. Judging only from what I could see on television, there seemed to be a perpetual fine drizzle that soaked the field and the football, and made it very difficult for anyone on either team to do what they were trying to do. In the end, the more experienced team won.
Cleveland Browns 13, Seattle Seahawks 30
Line: Who let the Seahawks find a way to claim that they’re under-appreciated again this year?
What it means: One of the favorite motivating tactics for sports team is to claim that “nobody believes in us.” For some reason, this seems to be an extremely effective message to rally around. It also helps that virtually every team can claim it’s true — all they have to do is find a few newspaper columnists or bloggers to latch onto. The Seahawks ought to have been the exception to this rule, having been to two straight Super Bowls and won one of them. Who would be crazy enough not to believe that they can do it again? Thanks to a very slow start, they suckered a few critics in (myself included) and now they have the high ground of external disbelief.
Cincinnati Bengals 24, San Francisco 49ers 14
Line: No Dalton, no Eifert, no problem.
What it means: The Cincinnati Bengals were having a dream season, winning most of their games and seeming like a shoe-in for the playoffs, before last week. Then, in the span of a few minutes, they lost their starting quarterback, Andy Dalton, to a fractured thumb, and one of their best pass catchers, Tyler Eifert, to a concussion. It may catch up to them, but it didn’t in this game against the 49ers. The Bengals won easily and clinched a spot in the playoffs.
Denver Broncos 27, Pittsburgh Steelers 34
Line: Can we see this game again in three weeks?
What it means: This was one of the best games of the year — a back and forth game played with skill and nerve by both team’s offensive and defensive units. There is a chance that these two teams could meet in the first round of the playoffs, three weeks from now. If they do, it would be a wonderful encore to a wonderful game.
Miami Dolphins 14, San Diego Chargers 30
Line: Good to see Rivers and the Chargers go out with a win, if this really is the end.
What it means: The San Diego Chargers are one of three teams rumored to be moving to Los Angeles next year. If they do move, this game will be their last in San Diego. Things haven’t been good or fun for the Chargers and their fans this year, but they’ve had a good run with quarterback Phillip Rivers over the past eleven seasons. Although he’s never been able to lead the team to a Super Bowl, it certainly hasn’t been from a lack of effort or skill. I’m glad Rivers and company were able to give the home fans one last thing to cheer about while they were busy protesting the team’s impending move.
Arizona Cardinals 40, Philadelphia Eagles 17
Line: Hope you had David Johnson on your fantasy team… or at least weren’t going against him.
What it means: Week 15, the current week of the NFL season, is also usually the finals or semifinals of most fantasy football leagues. Why do the fantasy football playoffs fall before the NFL playoffs? Read this. Cardinals rookie running back, David Johnson, swung a lot of important fantasy matches with his outsized real life contribution to the Cardinals win: 187 yards rushing, 42 yards receiving, and three touchdowns. In most scoring systems, that’s close to 40 points — four times an acceptable day for a running back and twice a very good day. That’s enough to swing most fantasy playoff games he was involved in.