Week 6 NFL One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

Week 6

Sunday, October 12, at 1:00 p.m. ET

New England Patriots 37, at Buffalo Bills 22

Tom Brady and the Patriots are red-hot after a slow start to the season. The Bills, as is often the case, are fading to blue after a hot start of their own.
Line: One day the Bills will be better than the Patriots, one day.

Baltimore Ravens 48, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17

The wisdom about professional sports teams is that even the most lopsided matchup between teams should be relatively even. That doesn’t seem to be the case this year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who flip wildly from horrible to mediocre and back.
Line: I am so glad I’m not a Tampa Bay fan. [Conversely, if you are a Tampa Bay fan, just say “ouch.”]

Pittsburgh Steelers 10, at Cleveland Browns 31

This game has traditionally been like the Patriots versus the Bills — one team always wins and one team always loses. Today, the order of things flipped for the Browns and the Steelers, much to the delight of Cleveland fans.
Line: Cleveland is for real!

Carolina Panthers 37, at Cincinnati Bengals 37

What? A tie?! Ties are really, really unusual in the NFL. They happen so rarely that sometimes even some of the players don’t think they are possible and expect that the game will just keep going.
Line: How crazy is a tie? Crazy, that’s how.

Denver Broncos 31, at New York Jets 17

The Jets played so much better than anyone reasonably thought they would. And they still lost by 14 points.
Line: The Jets could play the Broncos ten times and lose all ten.

Detroit Lions 17, at Minnesota Vikings 3

At the start of the day, one could have argued that all four teams in the Lions’ and Viking’s division had realistic shots to win it. That’s no longer the case, not because the Vikings lost, but because they looked so helpless doing it.
Line: It’s October and the Vikings’ season looks over already.

Green Bay Packers 27, at Miami Dolphins 24

Miami has a sneakily effective home field advantage. Teams from the north just don’t seem ready to play in the heat. Green Bay is better at football but Miami is better at running around in the sun and heat. Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers had to pull a little magic to get his team over the hump.
Line: The Packers were in a tight spot but Aaron Rodgers pulled it out.

Jacksonville Jaguars 14, at Tennessee Titans 16

This game was all about expectations. The Jaguars are winless and were expected to be bad. The Titans were supposed to be kinda good. So, even though the Titans won, it’s easier to see positives for the Jaguars than the Titans after this game.
Line: Sure, the Titans won, but I think the Jaguars fans are happier.

SUNDAY, October 12, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

San Diego Chargers 31, at Oakland Raiders 28

The same could be said of this game. No one expected the Raiders to play the Chargers as well as they did but they did… and then they lost.
Line: Chargers Quarterback Phillip Rivers might be the MVP of the league so far.

Chicago Bears 27, at Atlanta Falcons 13

The Bears and Falcons are mirror images in many ways. Both have good quarterbacks, great wide receivers, and a shaky defense. Yesterday the difference between the teams was that the Bears could run the ball and the Falcons couldn’t.
Line: It’s a passing league but being able to run can still help a team win.

Dallas Cowboys 30, at Seattle Seahawks 23

This matchup lived up to its hype. The lead went back and forth and back and forth until finally the Cowboys had won against the defending champion Seahawks in Seattle where they almost never lose. It was a great game.
Line: If there were any doubts left about the Cowboys, they erased them, at least for now.

Washington Redskins 20, at Arizona Cardinals 30

The Cardinals starting quarterback had missed the last four games because one of the nerves in his throwing shoulder went “dead.” It came alive late last week and he jumped right into this game to kill, for once and all, the nerves of Washington fans. No need to be nervous anymore, their season is over.
Line: I think we can safely say that the Redskins season is a loss.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

New York Giants 0, at Philadelphia Eagles 27

Hasn’t it seemed like a disproportionate number of prime-time games have been blow outs? It seems that way to me. The Eagles jumped the Giants early by scoring fast and knocking Giants Quarterback Eli Manning down even faster. They never looked back except to chuckle at their struggling rivals.
Line: That wasn’t even fun to watch.

Monday, October 13

  1. Cardinals walk off with a homer and a win — The St. Louis Cardinals won the second game of their best-four-out-of-seven series 5-4 against the San Francisco Giants on a walk-off home run in the bottom of the ninth inning. The game was close throughout but Cardinals fans had to be fearing the worst when the Giants tied the game in the top of the ninth inning. Their fear of losing a second straight game to the Giants was ameliorated when Kolten Wong blasted the ball 370 feet and out of the ballpark.
    Line: The line between being down two games to zero and being tied one to one is so thin.
    What’s Next: Game three is on Fox Sports 1 at 4:00 Tuesday, October 14.
  2. Fascinating day, boring night in the NFL — There were gobs of excellent football games yesterday. The Panthers and Bengals played to an unusual 37-37 tie. The Packers eeked by the Dolphins on a late touchdown drive. The Titans hit a last second field goal to keep the Jaguars winless for the season. The Chargers sneaked by the unexpectedly feisty Raiders. The day’s titanic game between the Cowboys and Seahawks lived up to expectations. But the prime-time game between the Giants and Eagles was b-o-r-i-n-g! Brush up on all the games with our Week Six NFL One Liners.
    Line: The NFL was exciting all day but then it turned into a pumpkin at night.

NFL Week 6 Good Cop, Bad Cop Precaps

The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the Week 6 matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps. If you’re worried about watching too much football or if you’re negotiating for a little break during the weekend, read our weekly feature, Do Not Watch This Game.

Week 5

Sunday, October 12, at 1:00 p.m. ET

New England Patriots at Buffalo Bills

Good cop: The Bills always play the Patriots tough! It’s their downtrodden but tough Upstate New York personality!

Bad cop: You’re saying one team always loses and you want me to watch?

Baltimore Ravens at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Good cop: I admire the Bucs spirit! After a thwacking on national TV, they’ve come back to play two great games in a row! I expect three!

Bad cop: Games down in Florida depress me once it’s October. Football is a fall sport. It should be chilly.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cleveland Browns

Good cop: The Browns have been good this year but beating the Steelers would make them great!

Bad cop: Cleveland Browns = Charlie Brown. Pittsburgh Steelers = Lucy pulling the ball away.

Carolina Panthers at Cincinnati Bengals

Good cop: Two cats enter, only one will leave!

Bad cop: Two exposed, under-achieving teams enter. Both will leave.

Denver Broncos at New York Jets

Good cop: It’s the offensive brilliance of Peyton Manning against the defensive scheming of Rex Ryan! A chess game extraordinaire!

Bad cop: The only scheming Rex Ryan is doing is how he can keep his job for one more week.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings

Good cop: The NFC North division is wide open! This game between the Lions and the Vikings might be the difference between playoffs and bust!

Bad cop:  Hmm. The Vikings without Adrian Peterson versus the Lions without Calvin Johnson. I think I’m going to do some vacuuming instead.

Green Bay Packers at Miami Dolphins

Good cop: Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers has been on fire the last couple weeks! Can the aquatic Dolphins quench his flame?

Bad cop: Fire? Flame? Has my wit scorched you?

Jacksonville Jaguars at Tennessee Titans

Good cop: This might be the Jaguars best chance to win a game this season!

Bad cop: This might be the Jaguars best chance to win a game this season.

SUNDAY, October 12, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders

Good cop: I’m always interested when two teams from the same state play each other! 

Bad cop: San Diego is over 500 miles from Oakland. The Chargers are about 500 times better than the Raiders.

Chicago Bears at Atlanta Falcons

Good cop: These teams are like mirror images of each other! Good quarterbacks, great wide receivers, mediocre defenses!

Bad cop: Always the best men, never the grooms.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks

Good cop: This is a colossal matchup of titans! Two of the best teams in the league this year! This could be an NFC Championship game preview!

Bad cop: Did you say Titans? Have I already said how bad the Titans are? I have nothing bad to say about these two teams. Let’s move on.

Washington Redskins at Arizona Cardinals

Good cop: After burying their season and waving it goodbye, Washington has a sliver of life left if they can beat the Cardinals.

Bad cop: Washington, led by their second string quarterback, visits Arizona, led by their third stringer. The only interest I have in this game is what would happen if these quarterbacks got injured.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles

Good cop: An NFC East battle! A tri-state area struggle! Both teams with winning records! Who could ask for anything more?

Bad cop: All I have to say is that this game doesn’t lend itself to themed cuisine very well.

MONDAY, October 13, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams

Good cop: The Rams may not be great but their defense always puts up a good fight against San Francisco! 

Bad cop: Do not watch this game.

Thursday, October 9

  1. Finally a good Thursday Night NFL Football Game — Thursday Night National Football League games have been taking heat in the media lately. It’s one thing that we all sort of know they’re cruel and unusual for players who get only three days to heal their bodies between a Sunday game and having to play again Thursday. It’s another thing that they’re not fun to watch. Every Thursday game this year had been a blow-out. That’s when the complaints really heated up. The game last night between the Indianapolis Colts and the Houston Texans looked like it was going to follow suit after the Colts went up 24-0 in the first half. “Here we go again, another blow out” people were saying all over the world. The Texans came back to make it interesting though and had the ball, down only five points, with two minutes to go. After their quarterback fumbled, the game was over and the comeback attempt had come up short.
    Line: At least it wasn’t another boring Thursday Night game like it looked like it was going to be.
  2. Hockey’s back again — Last night was the second night in the National Hockey League season but the first for many teams. There were twelve games played last night and if you were a fan of one of the teams playing their first game, you were excited about the start of the season.
    Line: I know it sounds wimpy but I just want my team to get through the first week with no major injuries. Seems like players are falling like leaves this year.
  3. International soccer? — It’s not the world cup but the countries of Europe are playing each other in games to qualify for the next European Championships. Some games, like England’s 5-0 win over San Marino are mismatches in size and power, but others like Russia and Sweden playing to a 1-1 draw are exciting and even rivalries. The most interesting game was Slovakia’s 2-1 win over Spain, whose World Cup swoon now looks more like the end of an era than a glitch in the matrix.
    Line: Every “golden generation” of soccer players comes to an end. Looks like Spain’s generation is at its end now.

Do Not Watch This Game 10.10.14 Weekend Edition

For sports fans, the weekend is a cornucopia of wonderful games to watch. This is particularly true in the fall with its traditional pattern of College Football on Saturday and NFL Football on Sunday and Monday. As the parent, child, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband, wife, roommate, or best friend of a sports fan, this can be a challenge. It must be true that some games are more important to watch than others but it’s hard to know which is which. As a sports fan, the power of habit and hundreds of thousands of marketing dollars get in the way of remembering to take a break from sports and do something with your parent, child, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband, wife, roommate, or best friend. To aid all of us in this, and just because it’s fun, I’m going to write a weekly post highlighting a single game that is ideal for skipping. Use this to help tell yourself or someone else: “Do not watch this game!”

Monday, 8:30 p.m. ET, NFL Football, St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49ers. It’s on ESPN but do not watch this game!

This looks like it should be a good game. Both teams are in the NFC West, which was, by consensus, thought of as the best division in the NFL after last season. Last year, the four teams in the division combined for a 42-22 record last year and if you exclude the games they played against one another, that record improves to 30-10. The 49ers made it to the semifinals last year where they lost to division rival and eventual champion, Seattle. The fourth member of the division, the Arizona Cardinals, just barely missed out on the playoffs but had a 10-6 record. The Rams were the only team in the division last year not to make the playoffs and to have a losing record at 7-9 but we’re widely said to have been “stronger” than their record.

So, why wouldn’t this game be appointment television? Well, for one, things change fast in the NFL. The teams aren’t as strong as they were last year. The Rams lost their starting quarterback to a season ending injury in the pre-season. They’re playing pretty well on offense behind first-time starter Austin Davis but their defense has basically collapsed. They are allowing an average of almost 30 points per game which is third worst in the league. This won’t help make the game more exciting because even last year, games between these two teams weren’t that close. The 49ers beat the Rams by 10 and 24 points last year.

Last, and this is oddly important to me and other sports fans, this game just doesn’t have many potentially fun story-lines regardless of its outcome. A 49ers victory would engender basically no story at all. They are expected to win. A Rams win would only fuel the prevailing “What’s wrong with the 49ers?” story which, so far, has been answered with a chorus of “they hate their coach.” Teams hate their coaches all the time, it’s not that interesting.

Alternate: If you or the sports fan in your life is a fan of one of these two teams, then this isn’t a good game to skip. Instead, skip the CBS early game at 1:00 on Sunday afternoon between the Denver Broncos and the New York Jets unless you enjoy watching a finely tuned piece of machinery cut through a confused mess.

Cue Cards 10-9-14

Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.

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Yesterday —  Wednesday, October 8

  1. Hockey opens with four games — The NHL season started yesterday with four carefully chosen games. Two games were in Canada between Canadian teams and two were in the United States between American teams. Two were in the East, two were in the West. All the teams involved were good teams from markets that support them well.
    1. The Boston Bruins beat the Philadelphia Flyers 2-1.
      Line: The Bruins are definitely the best team in the East and it’s probably not that close.
    2. The Montreal Canadiens beat the Toronto Maple Leafs 4-3.
      Line: Not that one game matters that much, but this result matches the tradition of these two teams that goes back at least fifty years. Canadiens win, Leafs lose.
    3. The San Jose Sharks beat the L.A. Kings 4-0.
      Line: After a humiliating loss to the Kings in last year’s playoffs, the Sharks show some pride in winning this game.
    4. The Vancouver Canucks beat the Calgary Flames 2-0.
      Line: Hard to find a second good team in Western Canada for the Canucks to play. The only other choices, Calgary and Winnipeg, are likely to be among the worst teams in the league.
  2. Everyone else breathed — No games for the NFL or MLB yesterday. The stretched-out football weekend starts tonight with a game between the Indianapolis Colts and the Houston Texans. The two Championship Series’ in the baseball playoffs start on Friday and Saturday.

Cue Cards 10-8-14

Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.

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Yesterday —  Tuesday, October 7

  1. Good bye Washington — The San Francisco Giants beat the Washington Nationals 3-2 to win game four of their series and advance to the next round. The Nationals were said to have the best five pitcher rotation in the league, and they might have, but scoring nine runs in four games was just not enough to beat the Giants.
    Line: It wasn’t Washington’s pitching that mattered in the end because their hitting was so bad.
    What’s Next: The Nationals clean out their lockers and go home. The Giants advance to the National League Championships (the semifinals) which begin on Saturday.
  2. Another home run, another victory — One swing of the bat was enough to lift the St. Louis Cardinals over the Los Angeles Dodgers. Matt Adams hit a three run home run in the seventh inning and the Cardinals beat the Dodgers 3-2. The most gossip-worthy plot point of this game was the Dodgers’ manager’s decision to bench young star Yasiel Puig who had not been playing well. It’s never clear in hindsight whether it was a good move or not (the Dodgers could have lost more decisively if their manager hadn’t done that) but because sports is so results oriented, I’m sure the manager will be a much criticized man today.
    Line: I don’t think I would bench my star in an elimination game no matter how poorly he was playing.
    What’s Next: The Cardinals move on to play the Giants in the NLCS which starts on Saturday.

When fantasy football gets real

Fantasy football is so commonplace that we never stop to think about how funny it is. Luckily two NFL players recognized the humor for us…

Fantasy football has become such a popular game that it’s become quite commonplace. We rarely stop to think about how weird it all is. Millions of people play a game based on the statistics generated from hundreds of people playing a different game. That’s weird! It’s especially weird for the couple hundred people who are notable enough football players that their names and statistics are the ones being used in fantasy football. Two NFL players made news recently by playing with the comical boundary between fantasy and reality this past week.

Glenn Davis of the USA Today reported that New York Giants Tight End Larry Donnell lost his fantasy football game last week because he chose to start 49ers Tight End Vernon Davis over himself! Little did he know that he was going to catch three touchdowns in the Giants game versus Washington while Davis was going to leave his game against Philadelphia early with an injured back. Whoops! As a fantasy owner, it’s comforting to know that even the player involved has no idea before the game whether or not he’s going to do better than another player.

Barry Petchesky of Deadspin reported recently on another NFL player having fun with fantasy. San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Stevie Johnson has been perpetrating a running joke on his twitter feed. He pretends that he is fielding a “Fantasy Work team” and his twitter followers reply with clever reasons to be included on or excluded from his team. It’s an incredibly clever gag. Here are a few of my favorites:

Johnson himself continues to be a surprisingly useful fantasy player himself. In the past three weeks he’s had one game with 100 yards receiving and two other games with a touchdown. As good as he is at football, he’s probably even better to have in a fantasy good-natured-comedy league!

Cue Cards 10-7-14

Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.

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Yesterday —  Monday, October 6

  1. Cardinals over Dodgers — We’ve written a lot about the bunt in the last few days because the Royals have been using it so effectively in this year’s playoffs. Think of the Cardinals as the anti-Royals, if only in this game. They beat the Dodgers 3-1 thanks to two home runs from Matt Carpenter and Kolton Wong.
    Line: Talk all you want about bunts but you can score in one fell-swoop with home runs.
    What’s Next: The Cardinals now lead the best-three-out-of-five series two to one. Game four is today at 5 p.m. ET on Fox Sports 1.
  2. Nationals over Giants — The Washington Nationals avoided a 3-0 sweep by winning 4-1 over the San Francisco Giants. The biggest play of the game came when the Nationals were able to score two runs on a wild throw by Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner.
    Line: Sometimes, in the playoffs, a little bit of luck is all you need to turn things around.
    What’s Next: The Giants still lead the series two games to one. Game four is tonight at 9 p.m. ET on Fox Sports 1.
  3. Washington loses to Seattle — Washington put up more resistance than expected in Monday’s featured NFL game but still lost 27-17. Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson was the star of the game, throwing for 200 yards and running for 122. That’s roughly the production you’d expect out of your starting quarterback and your starting running back.
    Line: It’s hard to talk about moral victories when your team is 1-4 but Washington actually looked pretty good.

Cue Cards 10-6-14

Cue Cards is a series designed to assist with the common small talk about high-profile recent sporting events that is so omnipresent in the workplace, the bar, and other social settings.

clapperboard
Yesterday —  Sunday, October 5

  1. Two baseball sweeps — The Kansas City Royals and Baltimore Orioles both won games yesterday to complete three straight out of five game sweeps of their American League division series. In case you need to check quickly, this is how the Major League baseball playoffs work. The Royals beat the Los Angeles Angels 8-3 and the Orioles beat the Detroit Tigers 2-1.
    Line: I guess in this case, having the early series be a best three out of five instead of four out of seven was the right choice. Both teams won convincingly in sweeps.
    What’s Next: The Royals and the Orioles get a little rest before their series starts on Friday. That’s because the four teams in the National League, the Cardinals, Dodgers, Nationals, and Giants are still playing their divisional series. The National League divisional series continue today.
  2. An exciting day in the NFL — The NFL had its customary slate of games yesterday but they were more closely contested than most weekends. There were two overtime games and another won in the last second. All the recaps you want or need can be found in our NFL One Liners column.
    Line: Football overtime isn’t as good as hockey or baseball overtime but it’s still unusual and exciting.
    What’s Next: Monday night football is lined up to be a clunker. It’s a good chance to do something else!