The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps.
Week 15
Sunday, December 14, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Green Bay Packers at Buffalo Bills
Good cop: The Buffalo fans are consistently among the best in the league! They’re going to find a way to help their team in this must-win game against the mighty Packers!
Bad cop: How? What if one of them transformed the world into a cartoon and then the other 71,856 threw banana peels at Aaron Rodgers? That might work. Maybe.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Baltimore Ravens
Good cop: What luck for the Ravens who are fighting for a playoff spot and their division lead! They play the woeful Jaguars while the Browns and Bengals play each other and the Steelers play the dangerous Falcons!
Bad cop: The “dangerous falcons?” You must be mistaken — the Steelers are playing the Atlanta Falcons football team, not a flock of predatory birds. The football team is not dangerous.
Cleveland Browns at Cincinnati Bengals
Good cop: Finally! Finally, we’ll get to see the most talked about rookie quarterback, Johnny Manziel, start a game for the Cleveland Browns!
Bad cop: Yes… Manziel is so exciting that his coaches waited until their team was basically eliminated from playoff contention to start him. Exciting like a rusty roller coaster is exciting.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers
Good cop: With their quarterback sidelined after a scary looking car accident that luckily ended with only a couple small broken bones in his back, the Panthers turn to journeyman Derek Anderson who beat the Buccaneers earlier this year! Even at 4-8-1, the Panthers’ playoff hopes are still alive!
Bad cop: The only small broken bones are ones other people have. The only hope the Panthers have for the playoffs are mathematical.
Houston Texans at Indianapolis Colts
Good cop: The Texans are only game out of a wild card spot and I think this is the week they finally break through their division rivals, Indianapolis Colts! If anyone can outsmart and outbeard Andrew Luck, it’s the Texans erudite wildman Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick!
Bad cop: I don’t care about all that. When it’s December and cold, windy, and snowing across larger parts of the United States, the last thing I want to watch is a mediocre football game inside a dome. I want weather.
Oakland Raiders at Kansas City Chiefs
Good cop: Just a month ago, the Chiefs were 7-3 and looked like they could stroll into the playoffs this year! Then they played the winless Raiders on Thursday, lost, lost their next two games, and are on the outside looking in! That Raiders loss really derailed their season and I’m interested to see them get their revenge!
Bad cop: “My name is Alex Smith, you defeated my football team, prepare to lose.” Not exactly the thing legends
Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots
Good cop: It’s another divisional revenge game! The Patriots don’t really need to win this game, but that’s never stopped Brady and Bellichick for looking to destroy a team that beat them the last time they played!
Bad cop: Brady, Bellichick, Brady, Bellichick. I’m getting bored with those two. Can we swap them out for the characters from True Detective? Then you’d have an interesting football team — okay Gronkowski, on this play I want you to run a flat circle and then I’ll throw you the ball…
Washington Redskins at New York Giants
Good cop: HEY! After this game, we’ll only have to se– I mean get to see these teams two more times!
Bad cop: [quietly nods]
Pittsburgh Steelers at Atlanta Falcons
Good cop: Ben Roethlisberger has thrown for six touchdowns in two games this year! I expect he’ll come close to that again this Sunday against the Falcons “pass defense!”
Bad cop: [quietly nods proudly]
SUNDAY, December 14, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
Denver Broncos at San Diego Chargers
Good cop: Doesn’t it seem like the Broncos always have to go through the Chargers on their way through the playoffs?!!
Bad cop: Yep — and they always beat them, every time, so where’s the drama?
New York Jets at Tennessee Titans
Good cop: It’s the only head to head matchup this week among the five teams tied at the bottom of the schedule at 2-11! Whoever wins this game gets bragging rights!
Bad cop: And loses an important chance to grab the first overall draft pick next year.
Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions
Good cop: Don’t sleep on the Vikings! They’ve won their last two games and are sneaking closer and closer to .500! Not bad for quarterback Teddy Bridgewater’s first year!
Bad cop: I would never sleep on a Viking. Too spiky.
San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks
Good cop: A rematch of the Thanksgiving night game! A rematch of last year’s NFC Championship!
Bad cop: Since last year’s NFC Championship, the 49ers are 7-6. Since Thanksgiving, they’ve lost to the Raiders. Not interested.
SUNDAY, December 14, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles
Good cop: I’m basically speechless! A division rivalry! Both teams are 9-4! Drama! Action!
Bad cop: Expectations lead to disappointment.
MONDAY, December 15, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
New Orleans Saints at Chicago Bears
Good cop: It’s a matchup between two of the most surprising teams of the season!
Bad cop: Yep — even I have been surprised at how terrible these teams are.