Tag: precaps

2015 NFL Super Bowl Good Gop, Bad Cop Precap

All year, we’ve been bringing you previews of every NFL game thanks to our two football focused members of the police force. Well, some police force anyway, we’re not really sure what they do when they’re not arguing about football. We weren’t going to have them do a Super Bowl precap edition (mostly for contractual reasons, their rate goes up as the season goes along) but I happened to overhear them in the break room. I quickly turned my recorder on and later transcribed what I heard. Here it is.

Super Bowl XLIX

Sunday, February 1, at 6:30 p.m. ET, on NBC

New England Patriots vs.  Seattle Seahawks

Good cop: It’s the Super Bowl! All the excitement of the football season wrapped into a single game! I can’t wait!!

Bad cop: That’s just the thing. There are only two teams left. Football is at its best on Sundays when you can sit down on the couch and watch 28 teams play for ten hours straight without moving. In so many ways, the Super Bowl is a let down. There are only two teams, there’s only one game. Most likely, even if you’re a football fan, your team isn’t playing. No fantasy football.

Good cop: But this Super Bowl is the culmination of the whole year! And we’ve got the best two teams playing! The Patriots and Seahawks were the two teams with the best records in each of their conferences and now we get to see who’s better! It’s one of the most closely matched Super Bowls in history!!

Bad cop: Did you read Five Thirty Eight’s article headlined, “The Patriots And Seahawks Are The Best. This Could Be The Worst Super Bowl Ever?” All the most closely matched Super Bowls have resulted in not very good games.

Good cop: Come on! It’s such a small sample size! This is only the… uh… well… What does XLIX mean anyway?

Bad cop: It sounds like a diarrhea medicine to me.

Good cop: 49!! That’s what XLIX means!

Bad cop: Ugh. 49. Next year is going to be insufferably full of 50th anniversary nonsense. Still, it can’t possibly be more insufferable than the lead-up to this year’s Super Bowl. All this talk of deflated footballs and cheating. Makes me not want to even watch the game.

Good cop: No way! You’ve got to watch the game! For all the distractions, this is still one of the most exciting Super Bowls ever! Everything about it is compelling! From characters like New England coach Bill Belichick and Seattle coach Pete Carroll to the quarterbacks, Tom Brady and Russell Wilson, to the Seahawks near legendary defense to the excellent philosophical contrast in the game’s plot!

Bad cop: The problem is not really the game, it’s just that the Super Bowl always kind of stinks. Either you go to a party and it’s too distracting to watch the game or you sit at home and watch it yourself and feel left out. You can probably guess which one I do.

Good cop: Hey, you wanna come over? I’m just having a few people over! They’re all either football fans or openminded people who are curious about the game! Also, we’re following a bunch of Albert Burneko’s Super Bowl recipes!

Bad cop: Yeah, sure. I’ll come over at 5:30. I’ll bring some whine.

NFL Week 16 Good Cop, Bad Cop Precaps

The NFL season has started but how do you know which games to watch and which to skip? Ask our favorite police duo with their good cop, bad cop precaps of all the matchups in the National Football League this weekend. To see which games will be televised in your area, check out 506sports.com’s essential NFL maps.

Week 16

Saturday, December 20, at 4:30 p.m. ET

Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins

Good cop: NFL football on Saturday! How could it get any better than that!??

Bad cop: How? If it was up to me, I’d start by banishing the terrible, no-fun to watch Redskins. 

Saturday, December 20, at 8:30 p.m. ET

San Diego Chargers at San Francisco 49ers

Good cop: The Chargers have to win this game to stay in the playoff hunt! Phillip Rivers is going to come out firing!

Bad cop: When is Phillip Rivers not firing? He’s a quarterback, he throws the ball a lot. These teams have combined to win one out of their last six games. Not exactly what I want to do with my Saturday night.

Sunday, December 21, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans

Good cop: I know I sound like a broken record, but this game is basically a playoff game! Both teams need to win to give themselves a chance at the playoffs!

Bad cop: No… it may be as single elimination as a playoff game but part of what makes playoff games fun is that they involve playoff teams. You know, like good teams… unlike this game.

Cleveland Browns at Carolina Panthers

Good cop: Will Cam Newton return two weeks after a serious car accident to help his Panthers drive to the playoffs?

Bad cop: I’m assuming that pun was unintended. Yes, Newton will play, no, even winning won’t give his team more than a fig-ment of a chance. Hahahaha.

Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears

Good cop: This game always makes me want to say, “oh my!” Never more than this week with the Lions in a tight race for the division lead with the Green Bay Packers!

Bad cop: Have you heard that the Bears are benching their quarterback, Jay Cutler, for this game? That’s the worst last ditch attempt I’ve ever seen of a coach to keep his job. Not going to work.

Green Bay Packers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Good cop: I! Uh! This! Um! Well, the Packers need to win this game! It’s important to them!

Bad cop: Oh, they’ll win the game. We just shouldn’t be forced to watch it.

Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers

Good cop: This is another one of those games that’s basically a playoff game! And this one, even you can’t argue against this, has two really exciting, competitive football teams!

Bad cop: They can be exciting and competitive or they can just fold like a tent. These teams are in the position they’re in because they’ve lost to Buccaneers, Browns, Jets, Titans, and Raiders. They don’t deserve to make the playoffs.

Minnesota Vikings at Miami Dolphins

Good cop: This game is all about the future! Both teams are led by young quarterbacks and are using this season as a launch pad for serious playoff runs next year!

Bad cop: It’s about the future? In that case, where is my jet pack?

New England Patriots at New York Jets

Good cop: Smart move by the NFL schedulers to put a fierce divisional rivalry like this at the end of the season! Even though the game doesn’t mean anything for making the playoffs, the Jets vs. Patriots games are always good!

Bad cop: In this case though, the Jets have an incentive to lose to get back into the hunt for the first overall draft pick next year. They should lose anyway but this consideration makes it so they really should lose.

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints

Good cop: Matt Ryan leads his high-flying Falcons into New Orleans still controlling their own playoff destiny with games against the two other teams contending for the NFC South title in the final two weeks of the season!

Bad cop: THEY ARE ALL BELOW .500. HOW CAN YOU GET EXCITED FOR THAT?

 

SUNDAY, December 14, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

New York Giants at St. Louis Rams

Good cop: With recent wins, these two teams have pulled themselves up out of the NFL cellar by their own bootstraps! They’re playing hard for their coaches and their jobs and that’s always worth watching!

Bad cop: Oh, I guess it’s worth watching. I prefer teams that are either great or pathetic. Mediocre doesn’t really do it for me.

Buffalo Bills at Oakland Raiders

Good cop: The Bills get rewarded for their season saving victory over the Packers last week with a sweet trip to Oakland! Take care of business there and they’ll put themselves in a better position to make the playoffs.

Bad cop: Not a good one though. They have the worst tie-breakers of the nine teams in their conference with eight or more wins. 

Indianapolis Colts at Dallas Cowboys

Good cop: Bright lights and big stars in this game with Andrew Luck sauntering into Dallas to play against Tony Romo, Dez Bryant, and DeMarco Murray!

Bad cop: For the last time, offenses don’t play against each other. Gah. These are the two most overblown and overrated teams in the league. Have fun with them before they go out in the first round of the playoffs.

SUNDAY, December 21, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals

Good cop: The Cardinals clinched a playoff spot last weekend but they’re very much a team in the process of adjusting and evolving! For the third time this year, they have to integrate a new starting quarterback!

Bad cop: Ryan Lindley against the Seattle Defense? Ouch.

MONDAY, December 22, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Denver Broncos at Cincinnati Bengals

Good cop: A primetime meeting of two playoff teams! It’s got talent and intrigue! Is Peyton Manning injured?

Bad cop: Is Andy Dalton still a starting quarterback in the NFL? Why?