Sports talk is frequently used as a common language but it’s far from universal. If you’re someone who doesn’t follow or even understand sports, you can find yourself at a disadvantage in common small-talk situations like in an elevator, waiting for a bus, sitting at a bar, or around the proverbial water cooler at work. Even if you are a sports fan, it’s impossible to watch everything and know everything. To help in these situations, we provide lines to use when engaged in a conversation about all of the high profile sporting events of the day, plus explanations of what they mean.
NFL Football
St. Louis Rams 13, Baltimore Ravens 16
Line: With wins like these, who needs losses?
What it means: You know the expression, “with friends like these, who needs enemies?” It’s a clever way of complaining that your friends are treating you as poorly as you’d expect from an enemy. Well, in this case, the Ravens win treated them as poorly or more poorly as almost any loss. The Ravens won the game but their starting running back broke his arm and their starting quarterback tore his ACL. Ouch.
Washington Redskins 16, Carolina Panthers 44
Line: I know the Redskins aren’t much, but this is still impressive. I think the Panthers are starting to convince me.
What it means: The Carolina Panthers are one of only two undefeated teams left in the NFL this season but because of their lack of well-known players and a schedule that’s matched them up with mostly bad teams, people haven’t yet really accepted that they are a truly great team. Despite the Redskins fitting the bill as yet another bad team, the way the Panthers dominated should convince some people.
Denver Broncos 17, Chicago Bears 15
Line: I’m not sure we’ll ever see Peyton Manning play again.
What it means: Although he didn’t play today, or perhaps especially because he didn’t play today, the biggest story of this game is Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning. He’s had a wonderful career but his play this year has been dreadful. He was finally pulled from a game last week and he sat this week out with a foot injury. The question is, with the Broncos looking better and playing more successfully without him, will he ever get back onto the field?
Dallas Cowboys 24, Miami Dolphins 14
Line: Tony Romo is still undefeated on the year…
What it means: The Cowboys won their first two games of the year before losing starting quarterback Tony Romo to a broken collar bone. He missed seven games. The Cowboys lost seven games. This week, he finally returned, and the Cowboys won again. They’re lucky that the division they play in has not great (or perhaps even good,) teams, and they still have a shot at making the playoffs. They’ll need to be almost perfect from now on though.
Oakland Raiders 13, Detroit Lions 18
Line: Now that’s the Raiders we all know and love. What the heck happened to them? Things seemed like they were going so well.
What it means: For all but a few years of my life, and certainly my football watching life, the Raiders have been a laughingstock. They’ve been consistently one of the worst teams in the league. Finally, they seemed like they were going to be a good team this year, maybe even one that would be close to making the playoffs. Now they’ve lost three straight games, including this one to the even sorrier, more laughingstocky Lions.
New York Jets 17, Houston Texans 24
Line: Sure, the Texans won, but aren’t these teams essentially the same? Good enough to make you sweat but not good enough to win the whole thing?
What it means: The New York Jets and Houston Texans are both 5-5 (five wins, five losses) and in quite similar situations. Both teams have assembled strong defenses and good “skill position” players (running backs, tight ends, and wide receivers.) The missing piece for both teams is the quarterback. Neither team has a very good quarterback and that holds them back. The only real difference is that the Texans are in a division with no great team this year while the Jets are in a division with the undefeated Patriots. That makes it a more fun time to be a Texans fan — there’s more hope.
Indianapolis Colts 24, Atlanta Falcons 21
Line: Forget about Tony Romo, you know who else is undefeated as a quarterback this year? Matt F. Hasselbeck!
What it means: When I first saw a stat posted by Matt Hasselbeck this year, I thought it was a mistake. There was no way that the 40 year old quarterback, who led the Seattle Seahawks to the Super Bowl in 2005, ten whole years ago, when he was already a veteran player, could still be in the league, could he? He is. And now he’s starting for the Indianapolis Colts thanks to a lacerated kidney to Andrew Luck. So far, the super-veteran is 3-0 and looking just fine in a Colts uniform. Hooray for old guys!
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 45, Philadelphia Eagles 17
Line: The Chip Kelly unemployment watch is officially on.
What it means: Chip Kelly, the coach and general manager of the Philadelphia Eagles, has been a polarizing figure throughout his entire NFL career. First the question was whether his college football system would work in the NFL. Then, once he had proven that it would basically work, the question became his increasingly weird personnel moves. His trades and free agent signings were so odd that some of his former players suggested they were racially motivated. Whatever the motivation, they don’t seem to have worked and soon, Kelly may be out of a job.
Kansas City Chiefs 33, San Diego Chargers 3
Line: The Chargers can’t get to Los Angeles soon enough.
What it means: The Chargers are one of three teams rumored to be moving to Los Angeles in the near future. The Chargers are the only of the three whose play this year seems affected by the rumors. The fans in San Diego are upset and the players seem to be too. Nothing is going right for this franchise, and losing 33 to 3 to the Chiefs isn’t going to help.
Green Bay Packers 30, Minnesota Vikings 13
Line: R-e-l-a-x r-e-d-u-x!
What it means: In the middle of last year’s NFL season, the Packers were struggling and their fan-base was in a state of worried excitement. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers told them to relax and actually spelled the word out for them. This year seems like a photocopy of the same scenario. The Packers had lost three games in a row before this one and put a serious fright into their fans. Rodgers didn’t tell them to relax this year but he might as well have. He was masterful in this victory.
San Francisco 49ers 13, Seattle Seahawks 29
Line: Unless you’re a fan of the Seahawks (or zombies,) this season is like a zombie movie. They just won’t die.
What it means: The Seahawks have been the most powerful team over the past two years, going to the Super Bowl in both seasons and winning once. This year, they’ve played poorly enough to be left for dead several times. But just like the bad guy in a zombie movie, they keep walking and moving toward their goal, which in this case is playoffs, not brains, but still.
Arizona Cardinals 34, Cincinnati Bengals 31
Line: Okay, the Bengals still didn’t win in primetime, but did they play well enough to banish the monkey?
What it means: Don’t worry, “banish the monkey” is not any kind of sports phrase that you should know. Here’s the deal. The Cincinnati Bengals have been a consistently excellent team over the past four years. Their only problem has been that they seem to have some kind of mental blocks in big games. They can’t seem to win in the playoffs or even at night in the regular season, when the games are on a bigger stage because they’re televised nationally. Last night was another opportunity to shed that reputation and they came very close to doing it. It’s not clear whether coming close against a very good team is enough to make them and their fans relax in the next big game.