Sports talk is frequently used as a common language but it’s far from universal. If you’re someone who doesn’t follow or even understand sports, you can find yourself at a disadvantage in common small-talk situations like in an elevator, waiting for a bus, sitting at a bar, or around the proverbial water cooler at work. Even if you are a sports fan, it’s impossible to watch everything and know everything. To help in these situations, we provide lines to use when engaged in a conversation about all of the high profile sporting events of the day, plus explanations of what they mean.
NFL Football
Detroit Lions 14, St. Louis Rams 21
Line: We’ve gotten to the point in the NFL season when there are games no one cares about, not even fans of the teams involved. This was one of them.
What it means: Okay, sure, maybe some of the fans of these teams cared about this game. Surely, the players and their families at least cared about getting through the game without injury. But with both teams either mathematically eliminated from playoff contention or all but, this was at its heart, an uninteresting affair.
Atlanta Falcons 0, Carolina Panthers 38
Line: Soul searching time for the Falcons.
What it means: The year started out so well for both of these teams, who play in the same division. After five weeks, both teams were undefeated. Heading into this game, the Panthers were still undefeated but the Falcons had lost all but one of the intervening games. That’s a bewildering fall from grace and being shut out by a division rival won’t help anything. It’s hard to think of anyone on the coaching or managerial staff whose job is or should be safe.
Washington Redskins 24, Chicago Bears 21
Line: And that’s why we still call it football. Two games in a row for the Bears.
What it means: The Chicago Bears have now lost two games in a row thanks in large part to their field goal kicker, Robbie Gould, missing two late-game field goals last week and this week. In this game, the Bears had a chance to tie the game in the last minute but couldn’t get it closer than the 32 yard line before turning to Gould to make a 50 yard field goal. That should be within his range, but he kicked it wide. This leaves Washington still in first place of their division and Chicago eliminated.
Buffalo Bills 20, Philadelphia Eagles 23
Line: Doesn’t it seem like Rex Ryan’s teams always kill themselves with penalties in big games?
What it means: This was a big game for both teams in terms of playoff positioning, but it was also an emotional game thanks to a blockbuster trade between the two teams during the offseason which left hard feelings on both sides. The Buffalo Bills coach, Rex Ryan, is said to believe in encouraging his players’ emotions. Sometimes this works well — it may give them confidence they wouldn’t otherwise have — but it can also backfire if the players get too emotional to play well. One sign of that is the total number of penalties the team takes. The Bills took 15 penalties, which is an enormous and damaging number, in this game.
San Francisco 49ers 10, Cleveland Browns 24
Line: Johnny Manziel, blah blah blah.
What it means: Television networks and other sports media outlets love to make a big deal about Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel, who has been in and out of the starting lineup as many times as he’s been in and out of trouble with his team and in and out of rehab. Alcoholism is no joke, but it’s also not a particularly compelling story, especially when tied to a team as bad as the Browns. Boring!
New Orleans Saints 24, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17
Line: Brees and Peyton playing out the string may still be better than the Buccaneers trying to make the playoffs.
What it means: This season will probably be the end of an era for the most successful coach/quarterback combination in New Orleans Saints history. Coach Sean Payton and quarterback Drew Brees have been together for a decade and were able to win a Super Bowl in their time in New Orleans. Now Brees is getting old and Peyton seems to have lost his edge. Most people expect Peyton to be fired or to leave voluntarily during the offseason. Brees may stay, but his time is certainly limited at this point. Still, for one day at least, the old guys had enough in their box of tricks to beat the up and coming Buccaneers. Tampa Bay’s playoff hopes were severely reduced by losing this game.
Seattle Seahawks 35, Baltimore Ravens 6
Line: It’s old hat by now, but the Seahawks are in the playoffs and you don’t want to see your team playing them.
What it means: After a 2-4 early season start, the Seahawks have only lost a single game. Thanks to this convincing win, they’ve clinched a spot in the playoffs. They’ll try to make the Super Bowl for the third straight year, something they’re giving every signal currently of being good enough to do. If you’re a fan of another team, the last thing you want to see is the Seahawks as your team’s opponent in the playoffs.
San Diego Chargers 3, Kansas City Chiefs 10
Line: The first chink in the Chiefs armor in many weeks. They almost let the Chargers tie this game in the last minute.
What it means: Like the Seahawks, the Chiefs have looked to be a team that started out slow but has been rounding into shape as one of the best teams in the league. There’s a cliche that suggests that it’s a good sign when a team wins despite not playing their best, but Chiefs fans would still like to have seen their team look more convincing. The Chargers are one of the most injured, and therefore worst teams in the league.
Indianapolis Colts 16, Jacksonville Jaguars 51
Line: It’s hard to say which division is worse, the AFC South or the NFC East. At 5-8, the Jags may still have a shot at the playoffs.
What it means: The best team in a division in each of the NFL’s eight divisions gets an automatic place in the playoffs. That makes it really noticeable when a division has four sub-par teams. That’s true for two divisions this year, the high-profile NFC East, and the division both these teams are in, the AFC South. If the Texans lose against the Patriots tonight, no team in the AFC South will have a winning record, and the 5-8 Jaguars will only be one game out of first place.
Tennessee Titans 8, New York Jets 30
Line: A win the Jets had to have, and had to have comfortably to feel good about.
What it means: The Jets are currently in the playoffs. They are one of three teams, along with the Steelers and Chiefs, to have an 8-5 record. Given how the Chiefs and Steelers are playing, the Jets may need to win all their remaining games to make the playoffs. That’s a big task, given their upcoming opponents, but their fans were given confidence by how easily the team beat the Titans today. A close win, while just as good for the quantifiable standings, would have felt qualitatively way, way worse.
Pittsburgh Steelers 33, Cincinnati Bengals 20
Line: The Bengals lost a whole lot more than just the game today.
What it means: In the first ten minutes of this game, the Cincinnati Bengals lost their starting tight end for the game with a concussion and their starting quarterback with a fractured thumb on his throwing hand. Losing to the Steelers is never fun, but the real panic among Bengals fans surrounds the loss of these two key players to injury.
Oakland Raiders 15, Denver Broncos 12
Line: Now the Broncos will really have a controversy on their hands.
What it means: As long as legendary quarterback Peyton Manning was injured OR the Broncos kept winning without him, the team was insulated from having a difficult and controversial decision to make. With this loss, the controversy will begin. Although privately, the Broncos probably still think that Brock Osweiler is a better fit (i.e. he takes orders from the coaches and doesn’t make as many brutal mistakes) for the team than Manning, it will be interesting to see how firmly they hold to that conviction.
Dallas Cowboys 7, Green Bay Packers 28
Line: I know I’ve said this about a dozen times before, but this time, I think the Cowboys season is really over.
What it means: The Cowboys inability to win football games this year has almost been matched by the inability of any of the other teams in their division to win. So much so, that each time we were ready to write the Cowboys off, they’d get some help in the standings from all the other teams losing as well. Now, finally, with the Cowboys two games back of the division lead with only two games to go, we can truly say that they’re done.
New England Patriots 27, Houston Texans 6
Line: It’s hard to believe that the NFL is improving on concussions when one of the quarterbacks in a nationally televised game gets obviously concussed, goes back in the game for two more possessions, fumbles twice, and only then is taken out of the game.
What it means: The NFL is supposed to have improved their ability to identify concussions and respond appropriately to them by getting the injured player out of the game and keeping him out. In this game, it was pretty obvious to television viewers that Texans quarterback Brian Hoyer was stunned after a hit. He went back into the game but kept messing things up (no surprise if he had actually injured his brain.)