On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
Week 1
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, AT 1:00 P.M. ET
Buffalo Bills 23, at Chicago Bears 20
Overtime games are relatively rare in the NFL but this was one of two in the first week of the season. The Bears don’t often get the benefit of the doubt from the sports media and they certainly won’t after a first game like this one.
Line: Let’s not overreact to the first week. I still think the Bears are good and the Bills are not.
Cincinnati Bengals 23, at Baltimore Ravens 16
The ugliest win of the day, the Bengals didn’t impress anyone and the Ravens impressed even less. Bengals scored five field goals before winning the game on a long pass to their best player, A. J. Green.
Line: If there was such a thing as an immoral victory in football, this would be it.
Cleveland Browns 27, at Pittsburgh Steelers 30
Half way through this game, when the Steelers were up 27 to 3, you thought the story for the next week was going to be when Browns’ backup rookie quarterback, Johhny Manziel was going to take over for the starter Brian Hoyer. Even after the frantic comeback attempt came up short, you feel as though the Browns and the rest of us will be saved from that nuisance for another week or two at least.
Line: Cleveland is cursed.
Washington Redskins 6, at Houston Texans 17
Last year was the season from hell for the Houston Texans and the Washington Redskins. Today made it seem like Houston is on its way up while Washington is still descending. Dante would be pleased.
Line: Washington quarterback RGIII may never again be as good as he was his rookie year.
Jacksonville Jaguars 17, at Philadelphia Eagles 34
The heavily favored Eagles didn’t start scoring until the second half. Luckily once they started, they didn’t stop until they had 34 points.
Line: Shaky start for the Eagles, let’s watch them next week to see if this was an anomaly or a warning sign.
Tennessee Titans 26, at Kansas City Chiefs 10
There’s a math thing called regression which is all the rage in football. It just means that things that have been improbably good or bad are likely to return to being average. The Chiefs were improbably good last year so everyone expected them to be predictably average this year. They were.
Line: The Chiefs season is all about regression to the mean, baby.
New England Patriots 20, at Miami Dolphins 33
Huh? What? The Patriots have won their first game every season since 2003 and dominated their division during that same period. When they were up 20-10, everything made sense. Losing 33 to 20? It’s like the earth tilting in a different direction.
Line: If the Dolphins can stay healthy, they might be able to challenge the Patriots for the division title this year.
Minnesota Vikings 34, at St. Louis Rams 6
Coming into the game, both starting quarterbacks felt equally shaky. After a bad first half from Rams starter, Shaun Hill, he was either injured badly enough or benched in lieu of the unknown Austin Davis. The Vikings and quarterback Matt Cassel looked great but against the shaky Rams, who knows how good they really are.
Line: The Rams might not win a game this year.
New Orleans Saints 34, at Atlanta Falcons 37
The second overtime game of the day, this was a back-and-forth, all offense, all excitement all the time, nail-biter of a game. The Falcons offense looked unstoppable and the Saints offense looked, well, unstoppable. Honestly, neither team really stopped the other. That’s why the score was so high!
Line: Oh shucks, you know me, some people like all that scoring but I prefer a lower-scoring, old-school football game.
Oakland Raiders 14, at New York Jets 19
The Jets won this matchup between two teams not expected to win many games this year. Then again, the Jets are designed to win low-scoring, ugly games like this one, so maybe they’re better than we think.
Line: The decisive story of this game was the teams’ abilities to rush the football. The Jets rushed for 212 yards. The Raiders, only 13.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, AT 4:25 P.M. ET
Carolina Panthers 20, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 14
Even with star quarterback Cam Newton sitting on the sidelines because of a rib injury, the Carolina Panthers had enough to beat the Buccaneers behind veteran backup Derek Anderson.
Line: Derek Anderson! That guy is terrible!
San Francisco 49ers 28, at Dallas Cowboys 17
The Forty Niners went up 28 to 3 in the first half and never looked back. Actually, they did look back and laughed sardonically at the Cowboys’ frantic attempt to catch up.
Line: Tony Romo [the Cowboys quarterback] was terrible!
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Indianapolis Colts 24, at Denver Broncos 31
It’s probably no coincidence that, in a game whose plot was defined as being “Peyton Manning’s old team against Peyton Manning’s new team,” the team with Peyton Manning actually playing for them, won. He is still one of the best quarterbacks in the world although his opponent and successor in Indianapolis, Andrew Luck is not so shabby himself. Luck led his team on a second half comeback that just fell short of success.
Line: Peyton Manning is so good, it’s almost not fun to watch. He makes football seem like a surgical procedure.
Yesterday — Wednesday, September 10
