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One line to fool them all – 10.5.15

Sports talk is frequently used as a common language but it’s far from universal. If you’re someone who doesn’t follow or even understand sports, you can find yourself at a disadvantage in common small-talk situations like in an elevator, waiting for a bus, sitting at a bar, or around the proverbial water cooler at work. Even if you are a sports fan, it’s impossible to watch everything and know everything. To help in these situations, we provide lines to use when engaged in a conversation about all of the high profile sporting events of the day, plus explanations of what they mean.

NFL Football

New York Jets 27 vs. Miami Dolphins 14 in London

Line: The Philbin watch is on.

What it means: Joe Philbin is the Miami Dolphins head coach. Although by the time you’re reading this, he could be their former coach. Rumors were flying last week that if the Dolphins lost their game in London against the Jets, the team may fire Philbin. They lost. Fans are watching to see if he gets fired.

New York Giants 24 at Buffalo Bills 10

Line: Live by the Rex, die by the Rex.

What it means: When the Buffalo Bills got off to a hot start this season, new head coach Rex Ryan got a lot of the credit. He’s known for being a defensive mastermind and someone who players absolutely love playing for. His teams are also known for getting a little too amped up, which sometimes — maybe always — leads them into taking too many penalties and making other mistakes. That was the story today in the Bills game against the Giants. In the last two weeks, they’ve taken 31 penalties for 275 yards. Eeek.

Carolina Panthers 37 at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 23

Line: Pump the breaks on crowning the undefeated Panthers. Their opponents are a combined 3-12.

What it means: After four wins in the first four games of the season, Panthers fans are feeling pretty good about their team. As they should. But it’s not like they’ve played a very difficult schedule. The four teams they’ve played so far this year have won only three games combined and lost 12. So, perhaps we should wait and see for a few more weeks before we declare the Panthers to be a great team.

Oakland Raiders 20 at Chicago Bears 22

Line: There’s life in Chicago!

What it means: Bears fans weren’t expecting very much from their team this year, but after starting the season with three losses in three weeks, they were nearing a catatonic state. To have been beaten at home by the up-and-coming-but-still-lowly Oakland Raiders might have pushed some Bears fans over the edge. The Bears victory doesn’t suggest any sort of reawakening in Chicago, not even of a salvaging type, but it will provide some momentary solace.

Kansas City Chiefs 21 at Cincinnati Bengals 36

Line: Okay, now I’m convinced — Andy Dalton has turned the corner.

What it means: Bengals quarterback, Andy Dalton, has been known for playing well in the regular season and then terribly in the playoffs. That dichotomy is the primary factor in his being dismissed from any conversation about the best quarterbacks, or even the very, very good quarterbacks in the league. He won’t truly get a chance to change his reputation until he wins in the playoffs but his superb play in the first four games of this season, leading his team to an undefeated record, should make some impact.

Houston Texans 21 at Atlanta Falcons 48

Line: This never would have happened if J.J. Watt was alive.

What it means: J.J. Watt, the phenomenal Texans defensive lineman is, of course, alive. But it’s hard to believe that his team allowed 48 points, even to a high-powered offensive team like the Falcons. This game wasn’t even as close as the score suggests. The Texans scored all 21 of their points in the fourth quarter, when the game was already basically over.

Jacksonville Jaguars 13 at Indianapolis Colts 16

Line: 40 year-old Matt Hasselbeck lead the Colts to an overtime victory. There’s hope for us yet!

What it means: Colts fans could have been forgiven for feeling frightened by the prospect of playing a game without their star quarterback Andrew Luck. They shouldn’t have worried. 40 year-old backup quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who most people probably thought had been out of the league for a handful of years already, started the game and played well enough for the team to win in overtime.

Philadelphia Eagles 20 at Washington Redskins 23

Line: The whole NFC East is a mess. What a disaster.

What it means: The NFC East with these two teams, the New York Giants, and Dallas Cowboys, is the most famous and infamous division in football. With all four teams in major cities (and television markets) they draw the biggest audiences and attract the most attention. That’s why it’s a little funny and maybe a little schadenfreude-esque when the division is bad. This year, all four teams seem bad.

Cleveland Browns 27 at San Diego Chargers 30

Line: God hates Cleveland.

What it means: The Browns are the hard-luck story of the NFL. No matter what they do right, they seem to do something bigger and more important wrong. Today, it was an offside penalty in the last second that gave the Chargers a second chance to kick a game winning field goal after their first attempt missed. That’s real Cleveland Browns football!

Minnesota Vikings 20 at Denver Broncos 23

Line: These might be the two best defenses in the league.

What it means: Let everyone else talk about offensive stars like Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning and Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. You can show yourself to be a true football fan by pointing out that the Vikings defense intercepted Peyton Manning twice and the Broncos defense sacked Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater seven (that’s an absurdly high number of sacks) times!

Green Bay Packers 17 at San Francisco 49ers 3

Line: The Packers didn’t do much, but they didn’t need to do very much. The 49ers [your choice of derogatory but not vulgar or bigoted term]!

What it means: The Packers are a truly excellent team. The 49ers are not. There wasn’t much more too this game.

St. Louis Rams 24 at Arizona Cardinals 22

Line: If the Rams could play half as well against everyone else as they do within their division, they’d be a playoff team.

What it means: The Rams have a funny habit of playing much better against the other three teams in their division – the Cardinals, Seattle Seahawks, and San Francisco 49ers – than anyone else. So far this year, they’re 2-0 against the Seahawks and Cardinals – both of which are more well-regarded than the Rams – and 0-2 against everyone else. It’s a small sample size, but it continues a pattern from previous seasons.

Dallas Cowboys 20 at New Orleans Saints 26

Line: Brandon Weeden looked like Tony Romo but Drew Brees looked like Drew Brees. Advantage, Saints.

What it means: The Dallas Cowboys starting quarterback, Tony Romo, is out for the next month with a broken collarbone. Backup quarterback Brandon Weeden played so well at times in this game that you’d be forgiven for thinking he actually was Tony Romo. Alas for Cowboys fans, Saints quarterback Drew Brees, whose play this year had so far been below his own standards and who was suffering from a bruised rotator cuff, looked like his old self. This was an exciting game and it went into overtime where a long pass from Brees to running back C.J. Spiller, ended it decisively in favor of the Saints.

One line to fool them all – 9.28.15

NFL Football

Cincinnati Bengals 28 at Baltimore Ravens 24

Line: Win the Raven, nevermore.

What it means: The Baltimore Ravens were actually named after Edgar Allen Poe’s poem, The Raven. This may not completely excuse your mangling of Poe for the purpose of rubbing a little salt in your Baltimore fan friend’s wounds after the Ravens lost their third game in a row, but do it anyway. At 0-3, the playoffs seem like an unlikely possibility at this point for the Ravens, particularly because this most recent loss came at the hands of their divisional opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals, who are 3-0.

New Orleans Saints 22 at Carolina Panthers 27

Line: The Saints almost did it without Brees, but they didn’t quite have enough.

What it means: The New Orleans Saints were one of several teams facing an 0-3 start and one of a few teams playing without their starting quarterback. Virtually no one expected them to be able to play competitively with the Carolina Panthers, much less win, but they were surprisingly good. In the end, the Panthers, with their start quarterback Cam Newton who played extremely well, were too much for the Saints to contend with.

Oakland Raiders 27 at Cleveland Browns 20

Line: Let’s hold up on the parade for the Raiders – their wins have come against the 0-3 Ravens and 1-2 Browns.

What it means: Oakland Raiders fans and unaffiliated football observers might get excited by the Raiders first two-game win streak in more than three seasons. Although it’s never wrong to celebrate, it might be wrong to conclude that the Raiders are a good football team, because their two wins have come against teams that seem not to be very good themselves. With the pitiful Chicago Bears coming up for the Raiders next week, it might be another couple weeks before we find out more about how good the Raiders actually are.

Atlanta Falcons 39 at Dallas Cowboys 28

Line: Don’t think the lesson is that the Cowboys can score with Weeden. The lesson is that the Falcons can’t stop anyone.

What it means: After losing starting quarterback Tony Romo, to a broken collarbone last week, the Dallas Cowboys have been forced to go with backup quarterback Brandon Weeden this week and for the forceable future. Without Romo (and star wide receiver Dez Bryant) many feared the Cowboys wouldn’t have enough skill on offense to play competitively. Some Cowboys fans might be comforted by having watched the team score 28 points in today’s losing effort, but I think that’s more of a reflection of how bad the Falcons defense is than anything about the Cowboys offense with Weeden.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9 at Houston Texans 19

Line: Neither of these teams is going anywhere this season but the Bucs are traveling nowhere faster.

What it means: In honor of Yogi Berra, who died this week, that’s my best Berra-esque comment about this game. The Buccaneers are worse than the Texans but both teams are bad enough that casual fans can stop paying them any attention.

San Diego Chargers 14 at Minnesota Vikings 31

Line: I wonder how much of the Charger’s issue this year is Los Angeles hanging over their heads?

What it means: The San Diego Chargers are one of a few teams that are rumored to be candidates for relocation to Los Angeles after this season. A move could be distracting to any team, but particularly one whose veteran quarterback has vocally opposed the move in the press. Connecting the team’s slow start to the relocation issue is not obvious, so get some football knowledge points by suggesting its possibility.

Jacksonville Jaguars 17 at New England Patriots 51

Line: The way the Patriots are playing, bye week can’t come soon enough for the rest of the league.

What it means: During an NFL season, each team gets one week off. That week, called a bye week, is next week for the New England Patriots. This will come as a relief to the other teams in the league, because the Patriots have been unbelievably good so far this year, winning their first three games easily and scoring 119 points (which is a lot!)

Philadelphia Eagles 24 at New York Jets 17

Line: This game is the classic lesson about jumping to conclusions after the first two weeks.

What it means: Coming into this game, the Philadelphia Eagles were 0-2 and people were already talking about firing the coach. The New York Jets were 2-0 and some of their fans might have quietly Googled this year’s Super Bowl, just to see where it was… just in case. After today’s game, both sides are quietly moderating their early conclusions about their teams.

Pittsburgh Steelers 12 at St. Louis Rams 6

Line: What’s the latest on Big Ben’s knee?

What it means: The Pittsburgh Steelers lost their quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger (nicknamed Big Ben after because of his stature and the existence of the British clock, Big Ben), to a knee injury during this game. The injury happened when a defensive player tripped and slid into Roethlisberger’s legs. There was immediate speculation that Roethlisberger could have a serious injury, which might force him to miss the rest of the season. Although the next round of rumors was more positive, we won’t know for sure until the results of the inevitable MRI are leaked/shared tomorrow.

Indianapolis Colts 35 at Tennessee Titans 33

Line: Eh. I’m not impressed. Win or not, needing heroics to beat the Titans does not show the Colts in a positive light.

What it means: The Indianapolis Colts have been one of the biggest disappointments so far this year. They avoided a 0-3 start by beating the Tennessee Titans, but if quarterback Andrew Luck and the rest of his team want to restore confidence of their being a clear playoff team, they’ll have to beat a stronger team than the Titans. As disheartening as this weekend’s loss must be for the Titans, this season is all about the development of rookie quarterback Marcus Mariota, and he continued his promising start in this game.

San Francisco 49ers 7 at Arizona Cardinals 47

Line: We have our answer now, the 49ers are terrible.

What it means: The San Francisco 49ers were expected to be awful this year. Then they won their first game in convincing fashion. That confused most people’s ideas about what kind of team they were going to be this year. Even after a loss last week, people weren’t sure. Now, they are. The 49ers are bad, bad, bad.

Buffalo Bills 41 at Miami Dolphins 14

Line: Is there a more disappointing free agent signing than Ndamukong Suh?

What it means: Coming off a promising season last year, the Miami Dolphins made one of the biggest splashes during the offseason by agreeing to a contract with Ndamukong Suh, the controversial but undeniably talented defensive lineman. So far this season, he’s been a bust in Miami. The Dolphins can’t seem to stop anyone on defense, certainly not the Bills today.

Chicago Bears 0 at Seattle Seahawks 26

Line: Oh well. I was cracking up when it was 3-0 halfway through the second quarter, but eventually all good things must come to an end.

What it means: Unless you are a Seattle Seahawks fan, the prospect of a 0-2 Chicago Bears team, playing without their starting quarterback and best wide receiver, coming into Seattle and defeating the desperate 0-2 Seahawks was a hysterically funny one. The Seahawks are a brash bunch whose success over the past few seasons has engendered a lot of envy, so the longer it seemed possible they would fall to 0-3 at the hands of the hapless Bears, the funnier it was.

Denver Broncos 24 at Detroit Lions 12

Line: It may not be pretty, but so far it’s working for the Broncos.

What it means: The Denver Broncos may be the most criticized 3-0 team ever. The problem so far has been that their legendary but ancient quarterback, Peyton Manning, has not looked half as good as he has for the entirety of his career. Despite much hemming and hawing about his age and health, my theory is that this has more to do with he and his new coach, Gary Kubiak, feeling each other out. In this game, the Broncos played most of their offensive plays from a formation called the pistol, which was new to both Manning and Kubiak. As the result shows, their experimentation seems to be leading somewhere good.

One line to fool them all – 9.21.15

NFL Football

New England Patriots 40 at Buffalo Bills 32

Line: TYROD TAYLOR IS GOD.

What it means: That Buffalo Bills quarterback Tyrod Taylor, who wasn’t particularly memorable as a quarterback in college, and who was the backup quarterback in Baltimore for his entire career until this year, has played much better than expected so far this year. In this game, he helped the Bills score three straight touchdowns in the fourth quarter. Despite losing to their rivals in this game, Bills fans are pretty pumped about Taylor.

Tennessee Titans 14 at Cleveland Browns 28

Line: I guess Mariota isn’t the next coming of Marino.

What it means: Marcus Mariota is the rookie quarterback of the Tennessee Titans. Last week, he was nearly perfect, passing for four touchdowns and no interceptions. This had Titans fans thinking they might have a new all-time great to root for, someone like the beloved Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marion, who played for the Dolphins in the 1980s and early 1990s. The story was different for Mariota and the Titans this weekend as they lost to the unremarkable Cleveland Browns.

Houston Texans 17 at Carolina Panthers 24

Line: In a game between two teams built on defense, go with the team that has a quarterback.

What it means: The Houston Texans and the Carolina Panthers are both examples of a relatively rare type of team in the NFL – those that emphasize defense more than offense. The biggest difference between the two teams is that the Panthers have an extremely talented and well established quarterback in Cam Newton, and the Texans have already switched between seemingly equally bad options at starting quarterback and this is only Week Two of the NFL season.

Arizona Cardinals 48 at Chicago Bears 23

Line: They are who we thought they were! And we didn’t let them off the hook.

What it means: This refers to a legendary rant from former Cardinals coach, Dennis Green, after his team lost to a Bears team. He had felt that the then undefeated Bears were beatable and his team was well on their way to proving him right before messing everything up and losing the game. This game was the polar opposite. Everyone thought the Bears were going to be terrible this year. Then they played reasonably well in a Week One loss. Not to worry, the Cardinals traveled to Chicago this weekend and showed everyone that they were right in dismissing the Bears.

San Diego Chargers 19 at Cincinnati Bengals 24

Line: Wake me up when Dalton does this in the playoffs.

What it means: Andy Dalton, the quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals, has a reputation for winning during the regular season but losing during the playoffs because… well… that’s all he’s done so far in his career. In his four years as the Bengals quarterback, he’s won an average of 10 games per season (that’s very good) but lost in the first round of the playoffs each year. Even though past events don’t predict future results, it’s hard not to feel slightly bored by the Bengals consistently disappointing seasons.

Detroit Lions 16 at Minnesota Vikings 26

Line: I have no idea what happened in Week One, but the Vikings look good.

What it means: The Minnesota Vikings were many people’s pick to be the young, up-and-coming team this year. Then they went into San Francisco for their first game and played horribly. This week, they looked just like the team many people thought they would be.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 26 at New Orleans Saints 19

Line: It really looks like it’s over in New Orleans, doesn’t it.

What it means: Starting the season after Hurricane Katrina, quarterback Drew Brees, coach Sean Peyton, and the whole Saints franchise have had a magical decade. Behind a prolific offense, they won the Super Bowl after the 2009 season. After two straight losses to start this season, including this weekend’s dreadful loss versus divisional opponent Tampa Bay, who themselves were coming off an embarrassing loss, Saints fans have to be worried that their run has come to an end.

Atlanta Falcons 24 at New York Giants 20

Line: Ooooph. I can’t wait to see the New York Post’s headline after this one.

What it means: For the second week in a row, the New York Giants lost a game that they seemed to have comfortably won. This time, they were up 20-10 over the Falcons in the fourth quarter. The New York Post enjoys nothing more than when a New York team loses in ignominious fashion so that they can make fun of them, usually with a giant (get it) bad pun on their back page.

San Francisco 49ers 18 at Pittsburgh Steelers 43

Line: I wouldn’t take too much from this game. The 49ers were on short rest and had to fly east for an early game while the Steelers had 10 days to prepare.

What it means: There are a few scheduling quirks that people who follow football think are significant to the outcome of games. Nearly every one of them was present in this game and they were all slanted against the 49ers. Since the 49ers played last Monday night, they had one fewer day to prepare for this game than is normally the case. The Steelers, on the other hand, having played the previous Thursday, had an extra three days. Lastly, people believe that west coast teams have trouble playing on the east coast when the game begins at 1 p.m. because the players’ internal clocks still think it’s 10 a.m. – time for pancakes, not football.

St. Louis Rams 10 at Washington Redskins 24

Line: Classic let-down by the Rams after their big Week One victory over the Seahawks.

What it means: Despite football being a job, people still think that football teams are driven by emotion roughly the way high-school sports teams are. Win a big and emotional game in one week, like the St. Louis Rams against the Seattle Seahawks last week, and people expect to see an emotional let-down, often accompanied by a loss in the following week. The fact that the Rams lost this week to a team most people feel they should have beaten lends credence to that line of thought.

Baltimore Ravens 33 at Oakland Raiders 37

Line: I think the Cowboys vs. Eagles game went through some kind of worm-hole and came out in Oakland. With different teams.

What it means: Everyone, including Las Vegas bookmakers, expected the game between the Dallas Cowboys and Philadelphia Eagles to be an exciting, high-scoring game. Instead, that game was relatively boring and ugly while this game, which most people thought was going to be a pedestrian Ravens win, turned into the best game of the day.

Dallas Cowboys 20 at Philadelphia Eagles 10

Line: I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but I feel bad for Cowboys fans.

What it means: The Dallas Cowboys have won both their games so far this year, but things are distinctly gloomy for their fans. Their star wide receiver broke a bone in his foot during their first game and their quarterback broke his collar bone in this one. It’s hard to imagine they’ll win many of their next eight games or so, while their two best offensive players are out.

Seattle Seahawks 17 at Green Bay Packers 27

Line: I’m glad Green Bay got some small measure of revenge.

What it means: The Green Bay Packers played the Seattle Seahawks in last year’s NFC Championship. Win, and they would have gone to the Super Bowl. They were winning for most of the game but then collapsed in the fourth quarter and lost in heart-breaking fashion. Winning this game was a small measure of revenge for the Packers. It will make them feel better but not good.

Reflections on USA vs. Germany from Montreal

Last night, I had the distinct pleasure of being at the semifinals of the women’s World Cup in Montreal. A friend, Amshula, and I were part of the giant, pro-America, 51,000 person crowd in Montreal’s Olympic Stadium that witnessed a great soccer game between Germany and the United States, the first and second ranked teams in the world. Here are my reflections on the game.

Fourteen year-old girls are the best fans in the world. They launched the Beatles and dozens of derivative groups to world stardom. On Tuesday night, they were a big part of why the United States women’s national soccer team beat Germany 2-0 to advance to the 2015 women’s World Cup Finals. One of the big advantages that women’s soccer has over men’s is that they have, at least for now, a near monopoly on the 10 to 17 year-old female demographic. These are virtually perfect fans. They come out in droves, they bring their friends and families, they can scream like banshees, and because so many of them have played soccer for so much of their lives, they are highly intelligent fans. The crowd in Montreal’s Olympic Stadium wasn’t exclusively made up of tween girls but it was led by them.

As a man in my thirties, I was a part of a small minority for whom their was one enormous benefit. Almost uniquely in the history of live sporting events, there were virtually no lines for beer and the men’s bathroom. Unfortunately, hot dogs are age and gender agnostic, so it was impossible to acquire one.

Another unique aspect of the game (at least for me) was that my cellphone didn’t work. There was no wifi in Olympic stadium and I hadn’t bothered adding an international data plan to my cell service before the trip (What? Canada is a different country?) So, I couldn’t check Twitter, Fancred, and Facebook before and during the game. I wasn’t getting alternating irate and exuberant text messages from my friends and family. This left me feeling a little bit disconnected but it also gave me space to focus in on the game and just the game. I was totally present in the moment.

The only time I really missed my phone was before the start of the game when I was anxiously wanting to know who would be in the starting lineup for the U.S. team and I couldn’t tap my Twitter sources to find out. As I wrote in my preview to the game, Jill Ellis, the U.S. coach, had a real lineup dilemma on her hands. I had basically convinced myself that if she went back to the personnel of the team’s first four games, we would lose to Germany, but it seemed inconceivable that she would have the chutzpah to bench Lauren Holiday and Megan Rapinoe whose suspensions in the previous game gave birth to a more successful lineup. Ellis, I thought, was stuck between a rock and a hard place. When the lineups were announced by a PA announcer in the stadium and those two players were called out as being starters, my heart dropped. Before it hit bottom, as I continued to listen, I realized that I had also heard the names of three other midfielders: Morgan Brian, Tobin Heath, and the indomitable Carli Lloyd. My heart started to rise again. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Coach Ellis had found a third option: play five midfielders and only one striker. I didn’t know if it would work, but at least I didn’t feel sure it wouldn’t. Watching at home, or with a cell phone, I would have had this tactical choice teased by people in the know before the lineups were announced and instant-analyzed right after. In the stadium, I had to figure it out on my own.

The first half was a nerve-jangling 45 minutes of amazing soccer. The two teams seemed almost perfectly matched with Germany perhaps carrying a slight edge in terms of possession but the United States creating the better scoring attempts. We probably should have scored. Alex Morgan, the sole striker, had a few chances that someone with better scoring touch would have put in. At halftime, I felt honored to be there, witnessing such a great game in person but I couldn’t shake the creeping feeling that this was exactly the type of game that Germany wins. They get outplayed but hang around, keeping the game close until something, usually a penalty kick, puts them over the top. If it happened to poor, valiant France in the quarterfinals, it could happen to us.

My worst fears seemed to be moments away from being realized when Germany won a penalty kick near the 60 minute mark after a Julie Johnston foul. Olympic Stadium is an enormous place. It holds over 60,000 people and it looks like it once seated more. The current layout is a horse-shoe in three tiers, with the open side closed off by a wall with a scoreboard and jumbotron. Near where the wall begins, you can see what looks to be the original, stone bench seating that may once have circled the entire field. The result of this renovation, is that one side of the field is relatively quiet, with fans only on the sides of the field, while the other is a cacophonous riot with fans screaming from all directions. The United States began by defending the quiet side of the field which means they were defending the loud side in the second half when the penalty kick was called. This small logistical fact may have saved the game.

When the ref motioned towards the penalty spot, signaling for a penalty kick, the crowd jumped to its feet and started screaming. It screamed while a series of U.S. players, first captain Carli Lloyd and then veteran midfielder Megan Rapinoe approached the ref to argue the call, or maybe to exchange stock tips, who knows. It kept screaming while Celia Sasic placed the ball onto the turf to her liking and prepared to take the biggest penalty kick of her life. For some reason, goalie Hope Solo took her sweet time getting ready to defend the kick. She walked around. She drank some water. She squirted water on the ground. Then she set up five feet off the goal line. The ref motioned her back. She stepped back a foot. The ref motioned her back again. We might never know why Solo did that. Maybe she was nervous. More likely, she understood the drama of the moment and the effect that 50,000 screaming American fans could have on a German player preparing to take a penalty kick that felt like it would decide her country’s fate. If Solo was playing to the crowd, we knew our role. We screamed. And Sasic missed. Wide left. We’ll never know what would have happened if she had made that kick. Maybe the U.S. team would have had enough to come back and score their two goals anyway, but I doubt it, just like I doubt that she would ever have missed if the kick had been on the other side of the field; the quiet side.

The missed Germany penalty kick seemed to give new life to the U.S. team and from then on, things started happening fast. The teams exchanged possession and offensive forays into opposing territory. Then, Alex Morgan, making her ten thousandth run behind the German defense, was fouled in the box. Penalty kick, U.S. There’s no way we could miss this. Not after Sasic missed hers – not with Carli Lloyd at the spot. No way. No!! She didn’t miss! GOOOAAAL!! Pandemonium in the stands. Not the drunken pandemonium of an adult male dominated crowd but pandemonium nonetheless. Despite everything, all of my foreboding feelings about the game, Germany’s skill and penchant for stealing games, the U.S. was up 1-0 with 20 minutes to go. Holding on to a one goal lead for 20 minutes after a five-plus game shutout streak shouldn’t be too hard, right? It felt hard.

Germany, to their credit, threw everything it had at the U.S. defense but nothing worked. One could say it wasn’t their night. Or you could say that the U.S. back four: Meghan Klingenberg, Julie Johnston, Becky Sauerbrunn, and Ali Krieger are superheroes who absolutely, incontrovertibly deserve their own Hollywood epic. Then, just when the crowd was beginning to look at the clock and will it to move faster, super-sub Kelley O’Hara, who had an immediate physical impact on the game when she checked in, knocked in a pass resulting from a ridiculously skilled Carli Lloyd run in the box. 2-0 USA. More pandemonium, this time with a sense of victory and finality.

The rest of the time flew by, with the team playing defense, the crowd screaming, and the German team desperately trying to claw their way back into the game. Abby Wambach, who drew a standing ovation along with chants of “Abby, Abby” just by warming up, came into the game in the surprise role of a midfielder to provide some extra physicality. (Note: I see now that her sub was actually made before the O’Hara goal.) The crowd’s adulation was a fitting tribute to Wambach’s long and insanely decorated service to the country’s national team but it was smart for Ellis to use her in a reserve role. Wambach’s speed was never her forte but now, at thirty five, and with the game moving faster and faster, it’s a flaw that could have proven fatal earlier in the game.

There was a strange moment in stoppage time when the ref blew her whistle to allow a final U.S. sub to come onto the field. The crowd and at least the German team thought she was signalling the end of the game. The crowd roared. The German players fell to the ground in exhaustion and defeat, only to have to rise again and play out the last minute or two of the game. What a strange thing to have to do – to experience the end and then be forced to go on, all the while knowing that, down two goals with mere moments left, defeat is inevitable.

When the end finally came, the player I was watching was center back Julie Johnston. When the whistle blew, she instantly physically transformed from a young woman in the prime of her powers to a tired, elderly lady. She stumbled, she stooped, she limped like every muscle, every bone, every joint in her body hurt. She was totally drained. When Megan Rapinoe sprinted up from behind to envelop her in a tackle/hug/sandwich with goalie Hope Solo, I was actually concerned for Johnston’s well-being. What an amazing reminder of just how much effort these women put into each game.

In what may be an interesting coda, it was only after Amshula and I escaped the stadium through a subway full of gleeful American fans and glum German ones, after we found ourselves some tacos to inhale, after we got back to the wifi-friendly confines of our hotel, and after I read about the game in articles by people who had access to television coverage and instant replays that I learned that the Romanian ref, Teodora Albon, had apparently helped the U.S. cause with a couple of very important bad calls. From within the partisan crowd, I didn’t think Julie Johnston deserved a red card for her foul in the box. Frankly, we didn’t even think it was a foul! Nor could we see that the foul on Alex Morgan was just outside the box and therefore not really deserving of a penalty kick. All we knew was that we hated the ref when she called fouls against the United States and loved her when she called fouls for us. Live sports in person — there’s nothing like it.

2015 NFL Divisional One Liners

On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:

Divisional Weekend

Saturday, January 10, at 4:35 p.m. ET, on NBC

Baltimore Ravens 31, at New England Patriots 35

This was the best played game of the weekend. Like predicted pretty much everywhere, the Ravens were completely unintimidated by playing against New England in New England, and started out the game with two quick touchdowns. New England responded nicely though, and for most of the game, the teams went back and forth scoring touchdowns against each other. In the second half, the Patriots broke out a few tricky strategies that worked well against the physical Ravens defense. On one play, quarterback Tom Brady threw the ball backwards to wide receiver Julian Edelman, who, because it had been a backwards pass, was allowed to pass the ball all the way down the field to fellow wide receiver Danny Amendola for a touchdown. The other tricky thing the Patriots did a few times was use four offensive lineman, one fewer than normal, which seemed to totally befuddle the Ravens. In the end, the Patriots scored just a little more than the Ravens and won the game 35-31.
Line: Those tricky Patriots flat out outsmarted the Ravens.

Saturday, January 10, at 8:15 p.m. ET on Fox

Carolina Panthers 17 at Seattle Seahawks 31

I fell asleep on the couch at halftime of this game and probably so did you. We didn’t miss much as the second half went exactly how everyone expected it to go. Seattle, playing at home and close to full strength, was simply a superior football team. This is no surprise. The Panthers only won seven games out of 16 this season and made it to the playoffs only because of a wrinkle in NFL rules. Seattle easily put them in their place… on the couch with us, snoozing away.
Line: I fell asleep. No great loss.

Sunday, January 11, at 1:05 p.m. ET on Fox

Dallas Cowboys 21, at Green Bay Packers 26

The most highly anticipated game of the weekend did not disappoint in the drama department. One of the stories all week leading up to the game was Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers and his partially torn calf muscle. Sure enough, he looked pretty gimpy out there. He normally is a graceful and powerful player when he runs with the ball but in this game, he was limping around. You could tell he had to rely on arm-strength to throw the ball because he couldn’t step into his throws the way he’s used to. Luckily, he’s got more arm strength than a 10 normal people (or 15 bloggers) and he was able to compensate. The biggest moment of the game was a controversial call in the fourth quarter that pretty much ended the game for the Cowboys. The Cowboys had the ball but it was fourth down (last chance!) and they had to move the ball two yards to get another set of downs. Instead of trying to get two yards, quarterback Tony Romo threw the ball way down the field, where wide receiver Dez Bryant leapt high, high in the air, snagged the ball, and reached for the end zone as he fell. It was an incredible play, and the refs on the field called it a complete pass but not a touchdown. After reviewing the tape, the refs reversed themselves and declared the Bryant had actually been unable to hold onto the ball all the way to the ground. The pass didn’t count, Green Bay got the ball, and Dallas never had another chance. This was a true reversal in fortunes from last week when many people thought that Dallas had unfairly been aided by a bad call against their opponents in that game, the Detroit Lions.
Line: Live by the refs, die by the refs.

Sunday, January 11, at 4:40 p.m. ET on CBS

Indianapolis Colts 24, at Denver Broncos 13

This was the only real let-down of the weekend. We billed this game in our preview as the “Peyton Manning bowl.” Manning, the legendary quarterback of the Denver Broncos, was the centerpiece of most people’s interest in the game but once the game actually started, we pretty quickly saw that he was playing terribly. At one point in the second half, the had only completed something like 9 of the 23 or 24 passes he had attempted. That’s not a good average and for him, it’s an unusual disaster. The game went Indianapolis’ way and you never felt like Denver could catch up. It’s a disappointment for Denver Broncos fans and it may be Peyton Manning’s last game. He’s said he was planning on playing next year but he isn’t sure.
Line: If this was Peyton Manning’s last game, it wasn’t a very good way to go out.

Week 16 NFL One Liners

Week 16

Saturday, December 20, at 4:30 p.m. ET

Philadelphia Eagles 24, at Washington Redskins 27

All the Eagles had to do to keep themselves in the playoff hunt and put the pressure on their rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, was beat the dysfunctional 3-11 Washington Redskins. Could they? No.
Line: Heartbreak in Philadelphia; confusion in Washington D.C.

Saturday, December 20, at 8:30 p.m. ET

San Diego Chargers 38, at San Francisco 49ers 35

Down 28-7 at halftime, the San Diego Chargers came all the way back in the second half to force overtime and eventually win the game. This win knocked San Francisco officially out of the playoffs and launched the Chargers into a wildcard spot.
Line: That Saturday night game was exciting and important!

Sunday, December 21, at 1:00 p.m. ET

Baltimore Ravens 13, at Houston Texans 25

Ravens fans had to feel like they had won the lottery before this game because they knew their defense would be facing the seemingly exploitable Texans quarterback, Case Keenum, who was winless in eight starts last year. Now they’ve got to be stunned and disappointed after their team was the one that got exploited.
Line: Case was on the case. (Or some other horrible “case” pun.)

Cleveland Browns 13, at Carolina Panthers 17

Playing quarterback in the NFL is a tough job, even for tough people. Browns quarterback, Johnny Manziel, found that out the hard way after he was knocked out of the game early on with a hamstring injury. Panthers quarterback, Cam Newton, already knows the deal — he played two weeks after suffering broken bones in his back during a car accident.
Line: The Panthers are somehow favored to make the playoffs despite a record of six wins, eight losses, and one tie.

Detroit Lions 30, at Chicago Bears 14

Sometimes a team that has absolutely no hope is the dangerous kind of team to play against. That team in this game was the Chicago Bears who benched their franchise quarterback, Jay Cutler, and played better than they have in weeks but not quite well enough to beat the Lions.
Line: The Bears made Jay Cutler look like he was part of the problem by playing well in this game.

Green Bay Packers 20, at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3

The story of this game was the several fans who were hospitalized after the game because they had been struck by lightening!
Line: Getting hit by lightening is incredibly unlikely, but not as unlikely as it would have been for Tampa Bay to beat the Packers.

Kansas City Chiefs 12, at Pittsburgh Steelers 20

The Steelers guaranteed themselves a playoff spot with this win and the Chiefs guaranteed themselves another week of angst before almost definitely missing out on the playoffs themselves.
Line: The Steelers are quietly becoming a popular team to talk about as having a shot to make it to the Super Bowl.

Minnesota Vikings 35, at Miami Dolphins 37

The future seems bright for both these teams after a back and forth offensive game ended with the Dolphins ahead but only barely on the scoreboard.
Line: If I were a Vikings or a Dolphins fan, I think I’d be reasonably happy with my team this year.

New England Patriots 17, at New York Jets 16

I wouldn’t put it past Patriots coach, Bill Bellichick, to have instructed his team to troll their rivals, the Jets, by making them think they had a chance to win, only to steal it away from them. That said, I think the Jets just get excited to play the Patriots and play much better against them than any other team.
Line: What, you didn’t think the Patriots were actually going to lose to the Jets, did you?

Atlanta Falcons 30, at New Orleans Saints 14

The Falcons’ victory over the Saints eliminates the Saints from playoff contention, gives the Falcons a chance to make the playoffs if they win their next game, and guarantees that the winner of their division will have a losing record.
Line: What a travesty. Also… it’s pretty exciting!

SUNDAY, December 14, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET

New York Giants 37, at St. Louis Rams 27

Odell Beckham Jr., a wide receiver on the Giants, is having one of the best debut seasons of anyone, football player or not, in recent memory. He also absolutely crushed my friend Alex in our fantasy football league’s championship game.
Line: Odell Beckham Jr. is the truth.

Buffalo Bills 24, at Oakland Raiders 26

Don’t cry for me, Buffalo. I don’t actually know what that reference means, but it seems like it would be either appropriate or ironic for fans of the Buffalo Bills. The Bills were expected to beat the Raiders, who are among the worst five teams in the league, to stay in the playoff hunt, but they couldn’t get it done.
Line: Oh Buffalo, so sad!

Indianapolis Colts 7, at Dallas Cowboys 42

Sometimes the story of a game can be predicted, almost before the game, from the relative need of each team to win. The Cowboys needed to win to guarantee their spot in the playoffs. The Colts couldn’t change their playoff positioning with a win at all. Q.E.D., the Cowboys won.
Line: It’s hard to win a game if you don’t need to.

SUNDAY, December 21, AT 8:30 P.M. ET

Seattle Seahawks 35, at Arizona Cardinals 6

The Cardinals proved that, no matter how valiantly you try, you can’t beat a good team without even a half-decent quarterback. It’s lucky for the Cardinals that they’ve already clinched a playoff spot and hopefully their second string quarterback will be healthy by then. Meanwhile, the Seahawks look unbeatable, just like last year.
Line: This game showed why there were rumors last week about Kurt Warner coming out of his five years of retirement to play quarterback for the Cardinals.