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2016 NFL Divisional Preview: Kansas City at New England

The New England Patriots host the Kansas City Chiefs in the first of the four 2016 National Football League (NFL) Wild Card playoff games. This game is on Saturday, January 16, 2016 at 4:30 p.m. ET on CBS.

What’s the Plot?

The New England Patriots are the defending Super Bowl champions but they’re not at full strength. If they were, they would be a giant favorite to win this game. The team the Patriots started the year with looked very much like it could have gone undefeated and won another Super Bowl without too much trouble. Then the injuries started. The Patriots have lost more and more important players than most teams. One question, perhaps the main question coming into this game is: how many of those players will the Patriots have back and at full strength for this game? Those are actually two different questions. The Patriots are planning to have all three of their key pass catching players, wide receivers Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola and tight end Rob Gronkowski back as well as offensive lineman Sebastian Vollmer back for the game. But if you believe the news coming out of the New England camp, none of them will be at full strength. The Kansas City Chiefs are probably NOT listening to the word out of the New England Camp very much. Not only because the New England camp is notoriously tight-lipped and mendacious, but also because a team that has just won 11 games in a row doesn’t have to listen to anyone.The Chiefs are on quite a roll! Just last weekend, they went into Houston and absolutely smashed the Texans 30-0 in the first round of the playoffs. They’re doing it with smart offense and tough defense and for now, they seem unbeatable.

Who are the main characters on the Kansas City Chiefs?

Alex Smith — Quarterback Alex Smith was drafted number one overall by the San Francisco 49ers in 2005. His story has always been one of moderate success despite two great deficiencies: hand size and arm strength. The importance of arm strength is obvious — if your arm isn’t strong enough to throw the ball far down the field, it’s hard to be successful. When you watch Smith, compare his throws in your mind to others that you’ve seen. You might notice his throws looking not as snappy as other quarterbacks. More likely you can notice what you don’t see — the so-called “out pattern throws.” An out is when a wide receiver runs down the field and then perpendicularly to the sideline. The quarterback is expected to throw the ball before the wide receiver turns so it’s there for him to catch. It’s a difficult throw to make because, even more than the longer down-field throws, it has to be made with strength so defenders don’t have time to intercept it. Smith pretty much doesn’t even attempt these throws. What Smith does do, he does extremely well. He’s very athletic, able to avoid defenders trying to sack him and even to make longish dowfield scrambling runs at time. He rarely makes bad decisions that lead to interceptions or fumbles. He’s a solid but unspectacular dude.

Eric Berry — Safety Eric Berry was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma a little over a year ago. He got treatment and was back to playing shape by the time this season started. His play this season has been nothing short of inspiring. He’s back to what he was before the cancer, one of the best safeties in the league. Also, from his Wikipedia page, comes the odd but charming fact: “Berry suffers from equinophobia, a fear of horses, frequently brought on by the Kansas City Chiefs’ mascot, Warpaint. The fear was brought on after a traumatizing childhood event at a petting zoo where a horse bit him while his back was turned.”

Who are the main characters on the New England Patriots?

Bill Belichick — It all starts with coach Bill Belichick. Now the longest tenured coach in the league by far (Belichick started in New England in 2000, the next two coaches started at their jobs in 2003 and 2006!), depending on who you talk to, Belichick is thought of as either an evil genius or a benevolent one, but either way, he’s given a lot of the credit for the Patriots’ winning ways. He’s not a stereotypical football coach who screams and yells or tries to motivate his players. He doesn’t give memorable half-time speeches. He just tries (with his assistant coaches) to out-think, out-smart, and out-prepare the opposing team. Before every game, Belichick figures out what the other team is good at and what they’re bad at. Then he decides how to attack them where they’re weak and avoid falling prey to what they are good at. It seems simple, but most teams either can’t figure this out or are unable or unwilling to change what they do fast enough to adjust to their opponent.

Tom Brady — Quarterback Tom Brady is the other side of the New England Patriots coin. He’s been in New England just as long as Belichick and he gets almost as much credit. He’s widely considered one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play football. Even at age 38, he doesn’t seem to be noticeably slipping in any dimension of his game. Given the issues the Patriots have had this year with their offensive line, one of Brady’s most important qualities is his ability to anticipate what the defense is going to do, even before the play begins, and react quickly to what they actually do once the play starts. He rarely gets hit because he rarely holds onto the ball for more than a second or two. He gets it, and throws it, fast!

Rob Gronkowski — Tight end Rob Gronkowski provides an element of meat to balance Brady and Belichik’s cerebral natures. Gronkowski is a 6’6″ 265 lbs football monster. When he goes down the field to catch a pass, he often looks too big, too fast, and too skilled for the other team to have a chance at stopping him. He looks improbable, like the result of a cheat code in a video game. Then a defender hits him and every Patriots fan in the world gasps. Gronkowski’s one weakness is his health. He seems to always either be seriously injured, hobbled, or one hit away from being one of those things. Right now, reports say he’s suffering from knee and back injuries. Only time will tell if that’s true, but if it isn’t, watch out!

Who is going to win?

The Kansas City Chiefs are on an amazing run this year but the New England Patriots have been on amazing run now for more than a decade. The Chiefs are a team that’s succeeding despite some very obvious flaws, first among them their quarterback’s limited ability to make certain types of throws. The one person you don’t want to run into when your options are limited is Bill Belichick. Belichick is too good at finding and exploiting small flaws, much less giant obvious ones. The Patriots may not be able to overpower the Chiefs but over time, little by little as the game goes on, they’ll outsmart the Chiefs.

2016 NFL Wildcard Preview: Green Bay at Washington

The Washington Redskins host the Green Bay Packers in the last of the four 2016 National Football League (NFL) Wild Card playoff games. This game is on Sunday, January 10, 2016 at 4:40 p.m. ET on Fox.

What’s the Plot?

If you had asked a football fan who they thought would win between these two teams any time this season before about a month ago, or really anytime in the past twenty years before about a month ago, the answer would have been the same and it would have been confident: the Green Bay Packers. All of a sudden, it’s not so clear. The Packers have had profound trouble on offense in their last few games while the Washington Redskins have slowly but surely improved. It still feels wrong to say it, but this looks like the most evenly matched game of the weekend.

Who are the main characters on the Green Bay Packers?

Aaron Rodgers – Aaron Rodgers is generally thought of as the best quarterback alive. So why is he having so much trouble this year? One obvious answer is that he’s missing his best wide receiver, Jordy Nelson, who injured his knee before the season started and will not play until next year. That might explain it, and it certainly raises the general fan’s opinion of Jordy Nelson if it does, but it doesn’t seem like enough. How can the best quarterback of a generation be stymied by the loss of a single receiver? Watching Rodgers these days is like an optical illusion: because he’s been so good for so long, you expect to see him be remarkable but he persists in being pedestrian. It will be very interesting to see how he plays in this game.

Eddie Lacy – If Rodgers is an illusion, Lacy is a conundrum. It’s difficult to explain such a talented runner having such an up-and-down season. He’s played great one game, poorly the next, and sometimes not at all. He’s been called overweight and unmotivated. Who knows what’s up with him off the field that might explain his performance this year. What we do know is how impactful he can be when he’s on. The Packers will do everything they can to get him on for this game.

Mike McCarthy – Mike McCarthy has been the coach of the Green Bay Packers for the last ten years. That’s a long time in football terms and it’s also Aaron Rodgers’ entire career. Despite having won a Super Bowl in 2010 and returned to the playoffs every year since then, McCarthy is not thought of as a great coach. My guess is that this is due to a combination of Rodgers getting the bulk of the credit and McCarthy making too many obvious time-management blunders at the end of games. In any event, despite the historic patience of the Green Bay organization, McCarthy could be in trouble if his team plays poorly in this game.

Who are the main characters on the Washington Redskins?

Kirk Cousins – Four years ago, the Washington Redskins traded a slew of draft picks to the St. Louis Rams in order to draft a quarterback high in the 2012 NFL draft. That quarterback was Robert Griffin III. Later on in the same draft, down in the fourth round, the team took another quarterback, Kirk Cousins. While RGIII has sputtered, Cousins has thrived. In this, his first full season starting, he led the team to a division title and what’s more important, he’s steadily improved throughout the year. Cousins could always make big plays but now he seems more able to avoid the big mistakes that plagued him earlier in his career.

DeSean Jackson – Wide Receiver DeSean Jackson is the most dangerous player on the field… for both teams. He’s a brash, big play receiver who sometimes has lapses in big moments. He has a history of celebrating touchdowns too early and dropping the ball before he actually scored. Just a few weeks ago, he was returning a punt and ran backwards about fifteen yards before fumbling the ball. For every one mistake he makes, he makes three or four great plays, but even so, fans of both teams will hold their breath when he has the ball.

Alfred Morris – The Washington Redskins featured running back will once again be the dependable Alfred Morris. On the field, Morris is a solid if unspectacular player but it’s hard not to love him for his off-field personality. He drives to work in the 25-year-old car he had before he was a professional football player. That is, he drives it when he’s not biking to work. He gets together before every home game to chat with a group of stadium ushers he’s friends with. He seems like a truly awesome dude.

Who is going to win?

Oh, I guess the Washington Redskins should win this game. They are definitely the team that has played better over the past four to six weeks. That said, it’s impossible for me to truly believe that a team whose quarterback is Kirk Cousins should really win over a team whose quarterback is Aaron Rodgers. When in doubt, go with the better quarterback, and Rodgers is the best. Green Bay will find a way to win.

2016 NFL Wildcard Preview: Seattle at Minnesota

The Minnesota Vikings host the Seattle Seahawks in the third of the four 2016 National Football League (NFL) Wild Card playoff games. This game is on Sunday, January 10, 2016 at 1 p.m. ET on NBC.

What’s the Plot?

By winning their last game of the season, the Minnesota Vikings clinched their division title and guaranteed that they would host their first playoff game. Hosting a game is usually good news for a team’s chances (home teams win 59% of the time in the regular season and 65% of the time in this round of the playoffs) and it’s always good news for the home fans who get to see a playoff game in person. In this case, there’s an enormous dose of negativity mixed in with that optimisim. To start with, the weather is supposed to be freezing. Actually, it’s supposed to be between 31 and 41 degrees below freezing with a steady 10-15 mph wind. That’s enough to bother even hearty Minnesotans! Perhaps even more importantly, winning the division matched the Vikings up with the Seattle Seahawks, a team no one wanted to play. The Seahawks have a lower seed because of a slow start to the year but they’re still the team that went to the last two Super Bowls and a frightening matchup.

Who are the main characters on the Seattle Seahawks?

Russell Wilson – After three years in the NFL, quarterback Russell Wilson had led his team to the playoffs in all three years and to the Super Bowl twice, winning once. That’s a heck of a record for any quarterback, especially one who was thought to be too small to be successful in the NFL. Despite that amazing start, it wasn’t until this season, his fourth in the league, that you started hearing people talk about Wilson as one of the best quarterbacks in the league. With injuries hampering the team’s running offense, it started to rely more heavily on Wilson and he did not dissapoint. It’s largely through his amazing improvisation and accurate passing that the Seahawks are back in the playoffs for the fourth straight year.

Marshawn Lynch – Running back Marshawn Lynch, known as Beast Mode for his brutally physical running style, has missed the last month and a half after having surgery on a sports hernia. A sports hernia is a significant tear in the abdominal wall and muscles and the surgery to repair it is pretty major. Lynch plans on being back for this game, but it’s an open question of how close to his normal self he’ll be able to be.

K.J. Wright/Bobby Wagner/Bruce Irving – Over the past few years, the Seahawks have been known for the strength of their defense. More specifically, they’ve been known for their strong secondary (nicknamed the Legion of Boom) and their aggressive pass rushing defensive line. In this game however, because the strenghts of their opponent are a strong running attack and a mobile quarterback, the most important part of the Seahawks defense may be their linebackers. In K.J. Wright, Bobby Wagner, and Bruce Irving, the Seahawks have three strong veteran linebackers. The outcome of this game is most likely to hinge on their success or failure.

Who are the main characters on the Minnesota Vikings?

Adrian Peterson – Running Back Adrian Peterson has been thought of as the best running back in the NFL since his rookie season in 2007. Even at age 30, (an age many running backs slow down at,) Peterson is still one of, if not the best running back in the league. He seems to get stronger throughout the game, running his best late in the fourth quarter when the defense starts to get seriously tired and sick of tackling him. Peterson has been a problematic figure to root for since his arrest last year for beating his young son.

Teddy Bridgewater – If Peterson is the past and present of the Minnesota Vikings, quarterback Teddy Bridgewater is the future. This is only Bridgewater’s second year in the league and the Vikings have seemed to be approaching his development slow and steady. Their approach is to run the ball, play good defense, and ask Bridgewater just not to lose the game. It will be interesting to see what happens if the Vikings get down by ten points. I believe that Bridgewater is capable of doing more than he’s been asked to do, but the proof is in the pudding. Let’s see it.

Who is going to win?

Of all four games this weekends, Seattle is the biggest favorite. I suppose that should make me think they’re going to win, but I don’t. I have a funny feeling that between the freezing cold, the early start time (noon in Minnesota will feel like 10 a.m. for the Seahawks), and the vagaries of the NFL, the Vikings will find a way to win. Also, I’ve been rooting against the Seahawks for no reason for the last several years and I’m not going to start now!

2016 NFL Wildcard Preview: Pittsburgh at Cincinnati

The Cincinnati Bengals host the Pittsburgh Steelers in the second of the four 2016 National Football League (NFL) Wild Card playoff games. This game is on Saturday, January 9, 2016 at 8:15 p.m. ET on CBS.

What’s the Plot?

This game will be the third of the season between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cincinnati Bengals. This is possible because the two teams are in the same division, the AFC North, and so they always play twice during the regular season. The Bengals won the division and the Steelers qualified for the playoffs as a Wild Card. Luck has paired them together for a third time but the question is, who will it be lucky for? The last time the two teams played, both teams seemed at least as interested in being the more physical team as being the team that scored more points. I’d expect that element of physicality to continue in this game.

Who are the main characters on the Pittsburgh Steelers?

Ben Roethlisberger – At the start of this season, I described quarterback Ben Roethlisberger as “”Giant, raw, and talented in his first few years as a professional, Roethlisberger has evolved into a solid quarterback whose success seems inevitable and effortless.”” That’s pretty good! I’ll stick with it. This year has only confirmed that Roethlisberger’s success. Surrounded by talented wide receivers and leaned on even more heavily by his team in the absence of injured running back Le’Veon Bell, Roethlisberger has thrived.

Antonio Brown/Martavis Bryant/Marcus Wheaton – As I mentioned in the last paragraph, the Pittsburgh Steelers have one of the most talented trios of wide receivers in the league. Antonio Brown is the leader of the bunch. He’s an all-purpose brilliant wide receiver. He’s good at everything. You can throw him a short pass and expect him to run with the ball or send him deep and hurl the ball to him. He’s deceptively powerful, quick, and reliable. He’s even a dynamic punt returner. Alongside Brown are two young receivers whose ceilings seem limitless. Both Martavis Bryant and Marcus Wheaton are deep ball specialists. They can either run past their defenders or jump over them, but either way, when Roethlisberger drops back and winds up, the expectation is that one of these guys is going to do something spectacular. Bryant is the more exciting of the two — his nickname, “the alien,” nicely expresses how unusual his skills are.”

Who are the main characters on the Cincinnati Bengals?

Andy Dalton – Andy Dalton, the starting quarterback of the Cincinnati Bengals, has managed to be both surprisingly successful and surprisingly unsuccessful in his time in the NFL. This is his fifth year and in each of his four previous years, he’s helped his team make the playoffs. That’s a surprisingly successful record for any young quarterback, much less one who was drafted late in the second round. Unfortunately for Dalton, the Bengals have lost all four of the playoff games he’s been involved in, and in many of them, he’s played poorly. The question remains, which is the “real Dalton?” The guy who wins a lot in the regular season or the guy who always loses in the playoffs? This game may be a referrendum on that topic, but Dalton will have to play to make it so. He broke his thumb five weeks ago and as of now is not practicing. Whether he plays or whether it’s his backup, AJ McCarron, Dalton will be a big part of the story.

Giovani Bernard/Jeremy Hill – The Cincinnati Bengals have two very different players at running back. Giovani Bernard is quick, sudden, and small. Jeremy Hill is a battering ram. Which back the Bengals decide to use more often early in the game will give a good indication of how they think they can beat the Steelers. If Bernard is in, it’s a good bet the Bengals think they can outscore the Steelers by passing the ball. If Hill is in, the Bengals either think they can win by being more physical or they are scared of the Steelers and want to shorten the game (running takes more time off the clock than passing.)

Marvin Lewis – Marvin Lewis is the long-time head coach of the Cincinnati Bengals. Like his counterpart on the Steelers sideline, Mike Tomlin, Lewis has been the beneficiary of a very patient owner. He’s coached through good times and bad times. If the Bengals lose this game, particularly if Dalton plays and they lose, Lewis may finally find his job in serious jeopardy. It’s much harder to change quarterbacks than coaches and five consecutive playoff losses may be too much to take sitting down, even for a patient owner.

Who is going to win?

It’s hard for me to imagine the Pittsburgh Steelers losing this game. Their passing game is so good and so explosive that it should dominate this game. The Bengals will go into the game worried about how they are going to neutralize the Steelers passing on defense and keep up with them on offense. Add the fact that the Bengals will be going with either their backup quarterback or a newly healed Andy Dalton who hasn’t played in a month, and things don’t seem good for Cincinnati. Steelers win.

2016 NFL Wildcard Preview: Kansas City at Houston

The Houston Texans host the Kansas City Chiefs in the first of the four 2016 National Football League (NFL) Wild Card playoff games. This game is on Saturday, January 9, 2016 at 4:30 p.m. ET on ESPN or ABC if you’re in the Houston or Kansas City areas.

What’s the Plot?

The Kansas City Chiefs are an easy team to root for. Full of characters with obvious flaws but even more obvious redeeming characteristics, they came charging back from a bad start to the season, winning their last 10 games of the season to make the playoffs. The Houston Texans are by no means villains, but winning their sorry AFC South division with a 9-7 record doesn’t exactly inspire confidence or a strong desire to see them win in the playoffs. Both teams have close to extraordinary defenses that drag their more pedestrian offenses to success.
“Andy Reid – Head Coach Andy Reid looks like a giant walrus and coaches like one too. What does that mean? Is ‘walrus’ really a meaningful football term? No, it is not. Reid was the long-time coach of the Philadelphia Eagles where he presided over a consistently very good team that came just short of winning a Super Bowl. In Kansas City, he’s had his ups and downs but has mostly been very successful. His specialty is generating offense from teams without any super-stars. His tragic flaw is time management. Late in games, you can almost count on Reid to misuse his team’s timeouts. This is a very visible flaw which sometimes seems to cost his teams victories but realistically, it’s only a small part of coaching.

Who are the main characters on the Kansas City Chiefs?

Alex Smith — Quarterback Alex Smith was drafted number one overall by the San Francisco 49ers in 2005. His story has always been one of moderate success despite two great deficiencies: hand size and arm strength. The importance of arm strength is obvious — if your arm isn’t strong enough to throw the ball far down the field, it’s hard to be successful. When you watch Smith, compare his throws in your mind to others that you’ve seen. You might notice his throws looking not as snappy as other quarterbacks. More likely you can notice what you don’t see — the so-called “”out pattern throws.”” An out is when a wide receiver runs down the field and then perpendicularly to the sideline. The quarterback is expected to throw the ball before the wide receiver turns so it’s there for him to catch. It’s a difficult throw to make because, even more than the longer down-field throws, it has to be made with strength so defenders don’t have time to intercept it. Smith pretty much doesn’t even attempt these throws. What Smith does do, he does extremely well. He’s very athletic, able to avoid defenders trying to sack him and even to make longish dowfield scrambling runs at time. He rarely makes bad decisions that lead to interceptions or fumbles. He’s a solid but unspectacular dude.

Who are the main characters on the Houston Texans?

J.J. Watt — Defensive end J.J. Watt is the best defensive player in the NFL. In his four years in the league before this one, he won the Defensive Player of the Year award twice. His team plays a 3-4 defense, which means that there are three players in the defensive line (at the start of each plays, the defensive line crouches directly opposite the offensive line) and four linebackers upright behind them. Most teams that play this formation expect the three linemen to battle their opposites to a standstill while the real pressure on the quarterback comes from linebackers. Watt is so dominant that he’s able to create pressure as one of the three linemen. Doing this is almost like giving his team an extra player to play with. Off the field, he’s in a trillion commercials, including that one for… a cell phone, I think, where he’s chopping wood in a forest.

Deandre Hopkins — Wide Receiver Deandre Hopkins is one of the best wide receivers in the league. This is an amazing feat because he’s not remarkably tall or unusually fast. He must be extraordinary at the less obvious skills for a wide receiver: running precise and deceptive routes, not foreshadowing the moment when he’s going to reach up and catch the ball, having precise control over his body, timing his jump perfectly so the ball reaches him at the apex of his leaping ability. Hopkins is a joy to watch… as long as you’re not rooting against him. ”

Who is going to win?

The Houston Texans were able to make the playoffs despite being forced to start four different quarterbacks during the season. Overcoming injuries to that many quarterbacks and still succeeding is a rare feat but overcoming an injury to the team’s starting left tackle is even more difficult. That’s what the Texans are facing after starting left tackle Duane Brown tore his quadriceps muscle in last week’s game. If you think it’s strange that an injury to a left tackle should be so much more damaging than one to a quarterback, you should read Michael Lewis’ book, The Blind Side. I’m a believer in the power of the left tackle, so I’ve got to believe that the Kansas City Chiefs will win this game.

What is an audible in football?

Dear Sports Fan,

What is an audible in football?

Thanks,
Ruben

Dear Ruben,

One of the things that separates football from most other sports is the degree to which its coaches control the action. Football stops and starts all the time, and each time it does, coaches on both sides have the opportunity to tell their players what to do. In the NFL, coaches are actually able to talk between plays through a microphone to one offensive player on their team and one defensive player. These players are identified by having a small green dot on their helmets. These messages from the coaches to their players are simple codes that refer to plays which the players have learned in practice. Each one is complex enough to tell each of the eleven players on offense or defense what to do during the upcoming play. All of this happens quickly, in ten to fifteen seconds, and then the two teams run to the line of scrimmage and set up opposite each other. Here’s where things get interesting and where the audibles come into play.

Once the two teams set up to run their plays, as pre-determined by their coaches, a new and vast array of information is available. The offense can see where the defense has lined up. The defense may be able to guess what the offense is going to do. The problem for football coaches is, at this point, they are no longer able to talk to anyone on the field. Some coaches, usually in college football, get around this by having their players set up, pause, and then look to the sidelines where the coach will be signaling a new play to them through some large visual code that is easily understood by them but complex enough to mean nothing to their opponents. Most coaches, especially at the professional level, simply trust a player on the field to decide whether to change the play or go with the original one. If a player on the field (always the quarterback on offense and often a linebacker on defense) decides to go with a new play, that play and the process of deciding to change the original call and communicate that decision is called an audible.

One common example of an audible that television commentators often talk about looks at the number of defensive players “in the box” or set up to defend a run. If there are a lot of defensive players “in the box” and the original play was a run, the quarterback may decide to audible to a pass play. If there are only a few and the original play was a pass, the quarterback may audible to a run. Usually the relevant numbers are five and eight. Five men in the box is an open invitation to run the ball. Eight players guarding the run is a tempting situation to audible to a pass play.

As you may have guessed from the word, audible, which also means something you can hear, the change to the original play call is usually accomplished by SHOUTING! The quarterback on offense or the designated player on defense will scream a new instruction to their teammates. This instruction, like the original play call, will be in code so the other team can’t figure out what it is. Screaming is the easiest way to perform an audible but it’s not always possible. Football crowds are wise to the advantages easy audibling gives an offense, so when the opposing team’s offense is on the field, especially during important third downs or at the end of games, the crowd will scream as loud as they can to make audible audibles impossible. When this happens, a team will revert to hand signals to communicate. Audibles are still possible but the chance of miscommunication is greater.

One amusing element of audibles is that quarterbacks will often scream fake audibles just to make the defense wonder whether the quarterback has seen something nifty and is changing the play to take advantage of it. This adds some of the chatter we often hear from quarterbacks, like Peyton Manning’s famous “OMAHA!” What’s a real audible call one game or series may be a fake one the next. If all this sounds confusing, it is! It’s just one of the small things that makes playing football such an intellectually as well as physically challenging feat. You can understand how football players might want to pause the game and just ask whether an audible is real or not. They don’t do that though, at least… almost never. A microphone at a recent NFL football game caught a Carolina Panther asking quarterback Cam Newton if the audible, “Even Janitor” was a real thing. This is what it sounded like:

Thanks for reading,
Ezra Fischer

One line to fool them all – 1.4.16

Sports talk is frequently used as a common language but it’s far from universal. If you’re someone who doesn’t follow or even understand sports, you can find yourself at a disadvantage in common small-talk situations like in an elevator, waiting for a bus, sitting at a bar, or around the proverbial water cooler at work. Even if you are a sports fan, it’s impossible to watch everything and know everything. To help in these situations, we provide lines to use when engaged in a conversation about all of the high profile sporting events of the day, plus explanations of what they mean.

NFL Football

Jacksonville Jaguars 6, Houston Texans 30

Line: If defense really wins championships, watch out for the Texans. Of course, if it’s actually quarterbacks…

What it means: There are two cliches about winning championships in football that seem to contradict each other. One school of thought suggests that the team with the best defense has the best chance of winning. Another school of thought is that the only thing that really matters is who has the best quarterback. The Texans have a great defense but not a great quarterback, so Texans fans are hoping the first school is correct.

Pittsburgh Steelers 28, Cleveland Browns 12

Line: The Steelers may have backed into the playoffs, but they’re still the scariest team in the AFC.

What it means: The Steelers needed help (in the form of another team losing) in order to even qualify for the playoffs today. They got that help and therefore just snuck into the playoffs as the last team to qualify. Don’t let that fool you though, they are one of the most dangerous teams because of their explosive offense. When their passing game gets going, they have the potential to simply score faster than other teams can keep up with.

New York Jets 17, Buffalo Bills 22

Line: Rex Ryan gets his revenge.

What it means: Buffalo Bills head coach, Rex Ryan, was head coach of the New York Jets for years before being fired last season. The fact that his new team had a chance to knock his old team out of the playoffs with a win today was almost too good to be true, plot-line-wise. This Jets loss seemed inevitable, not just because of the Rex Ryan factor but also because of the Jets long history of losing the most important football games in the most excruciating ways possible.

New England Patriots 10, Miami Dolphins 20

Line: It’s hard to tell whether the Patriots didn’t care about this game or did care but couldn’t get anything going.

What it means: After starting the year 10-0, the Patriots lost four of their final six games. The team looked oddly out of it today but it was hard to tell if they were dispassionate or impotent. If they were dispassionate, it’s because the only thing they had to win today was the first overall seed in the playoffs, which they might not care about. If they were impotent, it’s because they’re still missing two of their top wide receivers and the bulk of their offensive line.

Tennessee Titans 24, Indianapolis Colts 30

Line: Too little, too late for the Colts. And probably their coach and general manager.

What it means: The Colts were supposed to win their division this year and content for the Super Bowl. Instead, their season was an unmitigated disaster, and even the major injury that their star quarterback, Andrew Luck suffered, doesn’t seem like it will help their coaching staff and front office keep their jobs. Expect word of their firings to come out soon.

Baltimore Ravens 16, Cincinnati Bengals 24

Line: Great win, but will Dalton be back for next week?

What it means: The Bengals, once a laughingstock, have turned into a model of consistency. This will be their fifth straight trip to the playoffs. Surprisingly, the biggest concern for Bengals fans is not that they’ve lost their first game in the playoffs in each of the previous four years. Instead, they are worried about the thumb of their starting quarterback Andy Dalton. Dalton fractured that thumb four weeks ago and the team was surely hoping to snag a first round bye to give him another week to heal. That won’t be the case, so he’ll either need to press that thumb into early action or the team will be stuck with their back-up quarterback A.J. McCarron.

Washington Redskins 34, Dallas Cowboys 23

Line: Why not?

What it means: The Redskins didn’t need to win this game — it had no bearing on their playoff positioning at all. If you’re a true Washington player or fan, there’s never a bad time to beat up on your arch-enemies, the Cowboys, especially when they’re down as far as they were this season.

New Orleans Saints 20, Atlanta Falcons 17

Line: These teams are going to look different next year.

What it means: Both of these teams disappointed their fans this year. More importantly, perhaps, they both disappointed their owners. It’s a good bet that at least one and maybe both of their coaches will get fired in the next few days. Lost of players, including long-time and beloved Saints quarterback Drew Brees, could also be on their way out.

Detroit Lions 24, Chicago Bears 20

Line: This game was so meaningless, I heard a rumor that the Red Zone channel didn’t even bother to show its scores.

What it means: The Red Zone channel is an NFL product that’s sole stated purpose is to show every score of every game every Sunday. For them to ignore a game would be a nearly unthinkable statement about how meaningless the game was. I doubt it actually happened, but just that the rumor exists is enough to describe this game.

Philadelphia Eagles 35, New York Giants 30

Line: Bad team that fires its coach beats bad team whose coach is about to resign?

What it means: The Eagles made headlines last week when they fired their coach and general manager, Chip Kelly. Kelly has been one of the most controversial figures in the league over the past three years, coming in as a college offensive savant, and leaving as a bumbling coach and inscrutable general manager. The Giants coach, Tom Coughlin, will go down as one of the franchise’s best ever, having won two Super Bowls during his tenure. Still, it’s possible that tenure is over after a very rough season. He probably won’t get fired but he might retire. He is almost 70.

St. Louis Rams 16, San Francisco 49ers 19

Line: Dysfunctional beats boring, I guess.

What it means: The 49ers have been a dysfunctional organization for the past two years, thanks to power struggles between their old coach, Jim Harbaugh and General Manager Trent Baalke, a bizarre head coaching hire, Jim Tomsula, and a mid-season quarterback change. The Rams haven’t been dysfunctional, but their coach, Jeff Fisher, guarantees that they’ll be boring. They believe in running the ball and playing solid defense and not much else. There’s little to no creativity in the way they play, and the results show that.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10, Carolina Panthers 38

Line: 15-1 and the 1 seed and somehow the Panthers still feel underrated.

What it means: The Carolina Panthers will end the season with the best record in the entire league. Their quarterback, Cam Newton, is the favorite to win the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award. Still, somehow, despite all of that success, their name doesn’t come up in discussions of Super Bowl favorites nearly as much as you’d think it would.

Oakland Raiders 17, Kansas City Chiefs 23

Line: It ended up not mattering, but the Chiefs still have to feel good going into the playoffs with 10 straight wins.

What it means: The Chiefs were hoping that this win would let them leapfrog the Denver Broncos into a higher playoff seed. Unfortunately for the Chiefs, the Broncos also won, so that won’t happen. Seeding aside, there’s no team that should feel more confident heading into the playoffs than the Chiefs, who completed a near-miraculous recovery from a poor start and the loss of their best offensive player to win their last 10 games and make the playoffs.

San Diego Chargers 20, Denver Broncos 27

Line: Manning’s back. Which makes me wonder, was this whole thing a ploy to get him rested coming into the playoffs?

What it means: The Denver Broncos clinched the top overall seed in the AFC by winning this game. They also reignited a quarterback controversy by replacing quarterback Brock Osweiler with future Hall-of-Fame quarterback Peyton Manning after halftime. Manning was himself replaced by Osweiler earlier in the season and the Broncos had more or less convinced everyone that they were happy to go with the younger Osweiler for the rest of the season. Now it seems like Manning will start their first playoff game. It’s an odd situation and choice that makes me wonder if the Broncos planned to go back to Manning all along.

Seattle Seahawks 36, Arizona Cardinals 6

Line: The Seahawks should change their name to The Walking Dead. Or Mark Twain.

What it means: We all should have known better than to declare the reign of the Seahawks over after only six games. When they were 2-4, we piled on and said (and wrote) that they were not a great team anymore. That was a mistake! Now they look just as good as ever and I would not be surprised to see them make the Super Bowl again, for the third straight year. Oh, and the references? The Walking Dead is a zombie show, where dead bodies come back to life. Mark Twain is often quoted for his line about how the news of his death was “greatly exaggerated.”

Minnesota Vikings 20, Green Bay Packers 13

Line: Congratulations Vikings, your reward is to play Seattle next week.

What it means: This is sarcastic. By winning this game, the Vikings won their division and secured themselves a higher seed in the playoffs and a home game in the first round. Unfortunately for them, it also means that their first round opponent will be the Seattle Seahawks, who look like one of the best teams in the league. They’re certainly more dangerous than the Washington Redskins, who the Packers now get to play in the first round. Sometimes a win is a loss and a loss is, well, at least a good thing.

One line to fool them all – 12.28.15

NFL Football

Indianapolis Colts 18, Miami Dolphins 12

Line: I hope the Colts don’t make the playoffs, but I feel awfully good for Frank Gore.

What it means: Many years ago, Frank Gore was a star running back for the University of Miami Hurricanes college football team. Today, in what was likely one of his last games in South Florida, he scored two touchdowns and helped push his team to victory. Their win means that they have not been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. I happen to think that the Colts don’t really deserve to make the playoffs this year, but I’m still happy to see Gore play well in such an emotional game.

Chicago Bears 26, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21

Line: Hard to believe that after 15 games, the Bears are still a complete mystery. Are they good? Are they bad? Huh?

What it means: Normally, you can peg how good an NFL team is after about four or five games. This year’s Bears team is as confusing as any team I remember. They’ve won six games and lost nine, but they also seem to have had terrible luck. Are they a talented team that caught some bad breaks? Or are they dysfunctional to the core? We may never know.

Cleveland Browns 13, Kansas City Chiefs 17

Line: The Chiefs have actually clinched a playoff spot while the Broncos haven’t. How weird is that?

What it means: Although the Chiefs are behind the Denver Broncos in the standings for their four team division, thanks to the vagaries of the NFL’s tie-breaking procedures, they are guaranteed a spot in the post season but the Broncos, (who are ahead of them in the standings, for god’s sake,) are not. I guess that’s because, even if the Chiefs lose all their remaining games, the worst they could be is tied for the last wild card spot, and they would then win the tie-breaker against whoever is tied with them while the Broncos, in the same situation, might lose the tie-breaker. It’s a weird situation that will probably resolve itself on Monday night when the Broncos play the Bengals.

New England Patriots 20, New York Jets 26

Line: You think the Patriots threw this game?

What it means: Controversy and conspiracy theories always seem to surround the New England Patriots. The idea that they intentionally lost this game to the Jets is absurd, but the loss may be beneficial. The Jets win, coupled with a loss by the Pittsburgh Steelers, may end up costing the Steelers a playoff spot. The Steelers have been the team in the Patriots’ conference that people believe is the most threatening to the Patriots…

Dallas Cowboys 6, Buffalo Bills 16

Line: Think the Cowboys wish they still had Weeden?

What it means: This is a little foreshadowing. Read on to the Texans vs. Titans game to learn more about Brandon Weeden. For now, it’s enough to know that he’s a quarterback who played well today, which is something the Cowboys didn’t have and desperately needed.

Carolina Panthers 13, Atlanta Falcons 20

Line: The Champagne corks will be popping in Miami.

What it means: The 1972 Miami Dolphins are the only team in history to go throughout an entire NFL season undefeated and win the Super Bowl. So, some obnoxious members of their team ostentatiously drink champagne each year when the last undefeated team in the league, in this case the Carolina Panthers, loses. At least they’re enjoying themselves. Unless the Champagne is only metaphorical. Please tell me it’s physical. Please?

San Francisco 49ers 17, Detroit Lions 32

Line: Maybe Blaine Gabbert is not the answer.

What it means: The San Francisco 49ers entered this season with Colin Kaepernick as their starting quarterback. Although there were some questions swirling around him, Kaepernick was still the young phenom who had led the team to the Super Bowl only a couple years ago. Certainly, he would be their leader for the next decade. Not so fast. By midseason, he was gone, and in his place played Blaine Gabbert, a former first round pick of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Things started out well for him, and some 49ers fans may have hoped their team had stumbled into something good. Now it looks like maybe Gabbert isn’t the answer at quarterback either.

Houston Texans 34, Tennessee Titans 6

Line: Brandon Weeden!!!

What it means: The Texans starting quarterback in this game was Brandon Weeden. Why is that something to holler about? Well, he’s starting for his second team this year after the Dallas Cowboys fired him just a few weeks ago. This is a rarity in the NFL and honestly, as much as people like to make fun of Weeden (mostly because his name is Weeden but also because he failed spectacularly as a young player,) it’s impressive that he could learn another team’s offense and the language they use for their plays in mid-season. He played extremely well in this game and it’s lucky for the Texans that he did, because a loss would have had disastrous consequences for their playoff hopes. As it is, they should win their division and make the playoffs.

Pittsburgh Steelers 17, Baltimore Ravens 20

Line: Never turn your back on a rival.

What it means: The Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens have had the fiercest rivalry over the past fifteen years. Games between them are always hard-hitting and often close affairs. If any one shouldn’t have been, it was this one. The Steelers came into it as one of the hottest teams in the league, while the Ravens were a mess, starting their third quarterback of the year and without their best running back or wide receiver. As you can tell from the score, things didn’t go as planned for the Steelers. They can still make the playoffs, but they’ll need help. The Ravens, on the other hand, will be laughing all throughout the offseason.

Jacksonville Jaguars 27, New Orleans Saints 38

Line: If Drew Brees is going out, he’s going out with a bang, not a whimper.

What it means: Quarterback Drew Brees has been the most visible player for the New Orleans Saints for the last decade. He led the team to a Super Bowl win and is said to have embraced and been embraced by the city like few other sports figures. There are rumors that this may be his last season with the team. If that’s true, this was his last game in New Orleans. Suffering from a foot injury that would have kept most players out of the game, he played and dominated. My guess is that he was trying to make a statement to management, reminding them what they’d be losing if they get rid of him.

St. Louis Rams 23, Seattle Seahawks 17

Line: The Seahawks too? So much for momentum.

What it means: Like the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Seahawks were one of the hottest teams in the league before this game. After a disappointing loss to a divisional opponent, the Seahawks are also not assured a playoff spot. They’re more likely to make it than the Steelers, but the loss is equally surprising, even if the consequences are less likely to come to fruition.

Green Bay Packers 8, Arizona Cardinals 38

Line: Anyone feel like betting against the Cardinals in the playoffs? As long as Carson Palmer is upright? I didn’t think so.

What it means: The Arizona Cardinals have a rare combination of excellent offense and excellent defense. Most great teams are noticeably better on one side of the ball than the other but the Cardinals are balanced and magnificent. They’ve had the potential to be this good for the last couple years, but each time, quarterback Carson Palmer has gone down with an injury and everything has unraveled. As long as Palmer is healthy, this team will be a force to reckon with, probably deep into the playoffs.

New York Giants 17, Minnesota Vikings 49

Line: This is what happens when a team that cares plays a team that doesn’t.

What it means: The New York Giants knew coming into this game that they had already been eliminated from the playoffs. The Minnesota Vikings knew that they a win would help their playoff positioning. Despite being professionals, motivation matters. As is often the case, the motivated team destroyed the unmotivated one.

One line to fool them all – 12.21.15

NFL Football

Kansas City Chiefs 34, Baltimore Ravens 14

Line: I guess everyone likes Jamaal Charles too much to say it, but this team is experiencing a classic Ewing Theory season.

What it means: The Ewing Theory is a creation of sports columnist Bill Simmons. His idea is that when a team loses its best player, they sometimes counter-intuitively play better than when they had him or her. In the case of the Chiefs, they had won only one game and lost four when their star running back, Jamaal Charles, was lost for the season to an injury. Since then, they’ve only lost one game and won seven!

Houston Texans 16, Indianapolis Colts 10

Line: What a year for Brandon Weeden!

What it means: Brandon Weeden was once a high draft pick of the Cleveland Browns. He was a disaster there and slunk away to fulfill his destiny as a player obviously not good enough to be a starter — being a backup quarterback. He started this year on the Dallas Cowboys and took over for them when their starting quarterback, Tony Romo, broke his collarbone. After a few games of seeing Weeden as a starter, the Cowboys realized what the Browns had and cut him. Just a few weeks later, when the Houston Texans needed a backup quarterback, they signed Weeden (maybe just because he was in the neighborhood?) When their starting quarterback in this game, T.J. Yates, injured his knee, in came Brandon Weeden to lead the Texans to a major victory. With only two games to go, Weeden and his new team are a game ahead of the other teams for the lead in their division. He could get to the playoffs… if he doesn’t get cut first.

Tennessee Titans 16, New England Patriots 33

Line: Looks like the Patriots won their scrimmage pretty easily.

What it means: This wasn’t a very competitive game. The Patriots are one of the NFL’s top five teams and the Titans are easily one of the league’s worst.

Buffalo Bills 25, Washington Redskins 35

Line: This game wasn’t as close as the score would suggest.

What it means: How can the score of a game, which is measured primarily by score, be deceptive? Well, in this case, Washington was up 28-3, a near unassailable lead, before they let their opponent score their first touchdown of the game. The Bills got a few more scores late in the game, but only after the result was basically a fait accompli.

Chicago Bears 17, Minnesota Vikings 38

Line: Uh… According to one way of looking at things,Teddy Bridgewater had the best game a quarterback has had since 1964.

What it means: An NFL employee named Randall Liu noted today that the quarterback of the Vikings, Teddy Bridgewater was the first quarterback since 1964 to complete 85% of his passes, pass for four touchdowns, run for one, and avoid throwing any interceptions. Realistically, it’s the running for one that makes this such a rare feat — quarterbacks don’t usually run for touchdowns — but that doesn’t lessen the impact. Bridgewater had a hell of a day!

Carolina Panthers 38, New York Giants 35

Line: What is it with the Giants and undefeated teams?? I guess they’ll win the Super Bowl now.

What it means: In 2007, the New England Patriots were 15-0 going into their last regular season game, which happened to be against the New York Giants. Although the Patriots won, 38-35, the Giants gave them a much tougher game than expected. Both teams made the playoffs and eventually met in the Super Bowl, where the Giants upset the Patriots. The Panthers were undefeated coming into this game, and remain undefeated after winning it. Still, there’s something eerily similar about the scenario, right down to the score…

Atlanta Falcons 23, Jacksonville Jaguars 17

Line: Somehow this one loss for the Jaguars sucks as much for them as the previous six did for the Falcons.

What it means: The NFL gives an automatic playoff spot to the team in each four-team division that ends the year with the best record. The Falcons are in the same division as the undefeated Carolina Panthers, so you felt they were fated not to win the division even before they lost six games in a row. The Jaguars, even though they have a worse record overall than the Falcons, were still in contention for winning their division before this game. That’s why losing this game hurt Jaguars fans so badly.

Green Bay Packers 30, Oakland Raiders 20

Line: Not a bad football game, for one played in the shower.

What it means: Rain doesn’t normally effect the play of professional football players. Usually, only a few inches of snow on the field or high winds have a noticeable effect. This was an exception. Judging only from what I could see on television, there seemed to be a perpetual fine drizzle that soaked the field and the football, and made it very difficult for anyone on either team to do what they were trying to do. In the end, the more experienced team won.

Cleveland Browns 13, Seattle Seahawks 30

Line: Who let the Seahawks find a way to claim that they’re under-appreciated again this year?

What it means: One of the favorite motivating tactics for sports team is to claim that “nobody believes in us.” For some reason, this seems to be an extremely effective message to rally around. It also helps that virtually every team can claim it’s true — all they have to do is find a few newspaper columnists or bloggers to latch onto. The Seahawks ought to have been the exception to this rule, having been to two straight Super Bowls and won one of them. Who would be crazy enough not to believe that they can do it again? Thanks to a very slow start, they suckered a few critics in (myself included) and now they have the high ground of external disbelief.

Cincinnati Bengals 24, San Francisco 49ers 14

Line: No Dalton, no Eifert, no problem.

What it means: The Cincinnati Bengals were having a dream season, winning most of their games and seeming like a shoe-in for the playoffs, before last week. Then, in the span of a few minutes, they lost their starting quarterback, Andy Dalton, to a fractured thumb, and one of their best pass catchers, Tyler Eifert, to a concussion. It may catch up to them, but it didn’t in this game against the 49ers. The Bengals won easily and clinched a spot in the playoffs.

Denver Broncos 27, Pittsburgh Steelers 34

Line: Can we see this game again in three weeks?

What it means: This was one of the best games of the year — a back and forth game played with skill and nerve by both team’s offensive and defensive units. There is a chance that these two teams could meet in the first round of the playoffs, three weeks from now. If they do, it would be a wonderful encore to a wonderful game.

Miami Dolphins 14, San Diego Chargers 30

Line: Good to see Rivers and the Chargers go out with a win, if this really is the end.

What it means: The San Diego Chargers are one of three teams rumored to be moving to Los Angeles next year. If they do move, this game will be their last in San Diego. Things haven’t been good or fun for the Chargers and their fans this year, but they’ve had a good run with quarterback Phillip Rivers over the past eleven seasons. Although he’s never been able to lead the team to a Super Bowl, it certainly hasn’t been from a lack of effort or skill. I’m glad Rivers and company were able to give the home fans one last thing to cheer about while they were busy protesting the team’s impending move.

Arizona Cardinals 40, Philadelphia Eagles 17

Line: Hope you had David Johnson on your fantasy team… or at least weren’t going against him.

What it means: Week 15, the current week of the NFL season, is also usually the finals or semifinals of most fantasy football leagues. Why do the fantasy football playoffs fall before the NFL playoffs? Read this. Cardinals rookie running back, David Johnson, swung a lot of important fantasy matches with his outsized real life contribution to the Cardinals win: 187 yards rushing, 42 yards receiving, and three touchdowns. In most scoring systems, that’s close to 40 points — four times an acceptable day for a running back and twice a very good day. That’s enough to swing most fantasy playoff games he was involved in.

One line to fool them all – 12.14.15

NFL Football

Detroit Lions 14, St. Louis Rams 21

Line: We’ve gotten to the point in the NFL season when there are games no one cares about, not even fans of the teams involved. This was one of them.

What it means: Okay, sure, maybe some of the fans of these teams cared about this game. Surely, the players and their families at least cared about getting through the game without injury. But with both teams either mathematically eliminated from playoff contention or all but, this was at its heart, an uninteresting affair.

Atlanta Falcons 0, Carolina Panthers 38

Line: Soul searching time for the Falcons.

What it means: The year started out so well for both of these teams, who play in the same division. After five weeks, both teams were undefeated. Heading into this game, the Panthers were still undefeated but the Falcons had lost all but one of the intervening games. That’s a bewildering fall from grace and being shut out by a division rival won’t help anything. It’s hard to think of anyone on the coaching or managerial staff whose job is or should be safe.

Washington Redskins 24, Chicago Bears 21

Line: And that’s why we still call it football. Two games in a row for the Bears.

What it means: The Chicago Bears have now lost two games in a row thanks in large part to their field goal kicker, Robbie Gould, missing two late-game field goals last week and this week. In this game, the Bears had a chance to tie the game in the last minute but couldn’t get it closer than the 32 yard line before turning to Gould to make a 50 yard field goal. That should be within his range, but he kicked it wide. This leaves Washington still in first place of their division and Chicago eliminated.

Buffalo Bills 20, Philadelphia Eagles 23

Line: Doesn’t it seem like Rex Ryan’s teams always kill themselves with penalties in big games?

What it means: This was a big game for both teams in terms of playoff positioning, but it was also an emotional game thanks to a blockbuster trade between the two teams during the offseason which left hard feelings on both sides. The Buffalo Bills coach, Rex Ryan, is said to believe in encouraging his players’ emotions. Sometimes this works well — it may give them confidence they wouldn’t otherwise have — but it can also backfire if the players get too emotional to play well. One sign of that is the total number of penalties the team takes. The Bills took 15 penalties, which is an enormous and damaging number, in this game.

San Francisco 49ers 10, Cleveland Browns 24

Line: Johnny Manziel, blah blah blah.

What it means: Television networks and other sports media outlets love to make a big deal about Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel, who has been in and out of the starting lineup as many times as he’s been in and out of trouble with his team and in and out of rehab. Alcoholism is no joke, but it’s also not a particularly compelling story, especially when tied to a team as bad as the Browns. Boring!

New Orleans Saints 24, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17

Line: Brees and Peyton playing out the string may still be better than the Buccaneers trying to make the playoffs.

What it means: This season will probably be the end of an era for the most successful coach/quarterback combination in New Orleans Saints history. Coach Sean Payton and quarterback Drew Brees have been together for a decade and were able to win a Super Bowl in their time in New Orleans. Now Brees is getting old and Peyton seems to have lost his edge. Most people expect Peyton to be fired or to leave voluntarily during the offseason. Brees may stay, but his time is certainly limited at this point. Still, for one day at least, the old guys had enough in their box of tricks to beat the up and coming Buccaneers. Tampa Bay’s playoff hopes were severely reduced by losing this game.

Seattle Seahawks 35, Baltimore Ravens 6

Line: It’s old hat by now, but the Seahawks are in the playoffs and you don’t want to see your team playing them.

What it means: After a 2-4 early season start, the Seahawks have only lost a single game. Thanks to this convincing win, they’ve clinched a spot in the playoffs. They’ll try to make the Super Bowl for the third straight year, something they’re giving every signal currently of being good enough to do. If you’re a fan of another team, the last thing you want to see is the Seahawks as your team’s opponent in the playoffs.

San Diego Chargers 3, Kansas City Chiefs 10

Line: The first chink in the Chiefs armor in many weeks. They almost let the Chargers tie this game in the last minute.

What it means: Like the Seahawks, the Chiefs have looked to be a team that started out slow but has been rounding into shape as one of the best teams in the league. There’s a cliche that suggests that it’s a good sign when a team wins despite not playing their best, but Chiefs fans would still like to have seen their team look more convincing. The Chargers are one of the most injured, and therefore worst teams in the league.

Indianapolis Colts 16, Jacksonville Jaguars 51

Line: It’s hard to say which division is worse, the AFC South or the NFC East. At 5-8, the Jags may still have a shot at the playoffs.

What it means: The best team in a division in each of the NFL’s eight divisions gets an automatic place in the playoffs. That makes it really noticeable when a division has four sub-par teams. That’s true for two divisions this year, the high-profile NFC East, and the division both these teams are in, the AFC South. If the Texans lose against the Patriots tonight, no team in the AFC South will have a winning record, and the 5-8 Jaguars will only be one game out of first place.

Tennessee Titans 8, New York Jets 30

Line: A win the Jets had to have, and had to have comfortably to feel good about.

What it means: The Jets are currently in the playoffs. They are one of three teams, along with the Steelers and Chiefs, to have an 8-5 record. Given how the Chiefs and Steelers are playing, the Jets may need to win all their remaining games to make the playoffs. That’s a big task, given their upcoming opponents, but their fans were given confidence by how easily the team beat the Titans today. A close win, while just as good for the quantifiable standings, would have felt qualitatively way, way worse.

Pittsburgh Steelers 33, Cincinnati Bengals 20

Line: The Bengals lost a whole lot more than just the game today.

What it means: In the first ten minutes of this game, the Cincinnati Bengals lost their starting tight end for the game with a concussion and their starting quarterback with a fractured thumb on his throwing hand. Losing to the Steelers is never fun, but the real panic among Bengals fans surrounds the loss of these two key players to injury.

Oakland Raiders 15, Denver Broncos 12

Line: Now the Broncos will really have a controversy on their hands.

What it means: As long as legendary quarterback Peyton Manning was injured OR the Broncos kept winning without him, the team was insulated from having a difficult and controversial decision to make. With this loss, the controversy will begin. Although privately, the Broncos probably still think that Brock Osweiler is a better fit (i.e. he takes orders from the coaches and doesn’t make as many brutal mistakes) for the team than Manning, it will be interesting to see how firmly they hold to that conviction.

Dallas Cowboys 7, Green Bay Packers 28

Line: I know I’ve said this about a dozen times before, but this time, I think the Cowboys season is really over.

What it means: The Cowboys inability to win football games this year has almost been matched by the inability of any of the other teams in their division to win. So much so, that each time we were ready to write the Cowboys off, they’d get some help in the standings from all the other teams losing as well. Now, finally, with the Cowboys two games back of the division lead with only two games to go, we can truly say that they’re done.

New England Patriots 27, Houston Texans 6

Line: It’s hard to believe that the NFL is improving on concussions when one of the quarterbacks in a nationally televised game gets obviously concussed, goes back in the game for two more possessions, fumbles twice, and only then is taken out of the game.

What it means: The NFL is supposed to have improved their ability to identify concussions and respond appropriately to them by getting the injured player out of the game and keeping him out. In this game, it was pretty obvious to television viewers that Texans quarterback Brian Hoyer was stunned after a hit. He went back into the game but kept messing things up (no surprise if he had actually injured his brain.)