Dear Sports Fan

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Arizona Cardinals – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC West
• History – The Arizona Cardinals are the oldest continuously run professional football team in the United States. They were founded in 1898 on the South Side of Chicago. They were purchased in 1932 by successful and suspicious businessman, Charles Bidwill, who was rumored to have ties with Al Capone. The team is still in the Bidwill family (now thoroughly respectable) today. In 1960, the Bidwill family moved the team to St. Louis, where they played until 1988 when the family again moved the team, this time to Phoenix, Arizona.
• Championships – For as long as the Cardinals have played, they have a shockingly small number of championships. They claim to have won in 1925, although that fact is disputed hotly by whatever fans of the Pottsville Maroons there are left. The Cardinals won the NFL championship in 1947, well before the creation of the Super Bowl. In the Super Bowl era, the Cardinals have never won.
• Rivals – Throughout their history, the Cardinals have had many different rivalries. In Chicago, a city they shared with the Bears, those were their main rivals. While in St. Louis, the team played in what is now the NFC East division and the Cardinals developed rivalries with the Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, New York Giants, and Philadelphia Eagles. These days, the Cardinals play in the NFC West against the Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Rams, and San Francisco 49ers. The result is a team with many unfriendly match-ups but no real deep rivalries.

The Cardinals are a venerable laughingstock. They carry all the trappings of a traditional NFL powerhouse, they just don’t win like one. They’re not romantically cursed like some long-time losing baseball teams, they just don’t win. Their modern history has been exemplified by an angry coach, being on the losing end of one of the most exciting Super Bowls of all time, and completely failing since then to find a half-decent quarterback to complement the team’s excellent defense.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Arizona Cardinals?

Dick “Night Train” Lane was a Hall of Fame defensive back who played for the Cardinals from 1954 to 1959. Despite playing in an era with shorter seasons, he still holds the record for most interceptions in a season (14). His nickname comes from his habit of taking trains to away games because of a fear of flying. He was the last of jazz singer Dinah Washington’s seven husbands. Lane died in 2002 of a heart attack after several years of bad health due to knee injuries, CTE, and diabetes.

Pat Tillman played linebacker and defensive back for the Cardinals from 1998 to 2001. Instead of returning for the 2002 season, Tillman decided to join the army, where he and his brother (who gave up a potential professional baseball career to enlist) became Army Rangers. Tillman was killed in 2004. Thanks in part to Tillman’s celebrity, the details of his death were subject to a range of misdirection and cover up. Although originally announced as a victim of enemy fire, Tillman now appears to have been shot by members of his unit, possibly by accident but also possibly on purpose. In life, Tillman was committed to not having his decision to leave the NFL to join the army used for political purposes. In death, his story quite certainly became a subject of political and religious propaganda, despite his family’s best attempts to prevent it.

Where do the Arizona Cardinals play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Arizona Cardinals fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Got a droopy eye? Or a limp? Carrying a few extra pounds? You’re lucky you’re dating a Cardinals fan. Cardinals fans are among the best in the world at looking at something imperfect and seeing it as beautiful. They have to do it with their football team, why not with their date?

What will make a Arizona Cardinals fan squirm?

This one is easy. All you have to do is mention a decent quarterback’s name and even the most strong-willed Cardinals fan will begin to mutter to themselves and head to the library to learn ancient Macedonian conjuring spells.

Buy Arizona Cardinals Swag!

What do the Arizona Cardinals look like?

Team colors are Cardinal Red, white, black, and although it does not appear in their uniforms these days, yellow. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

A post about the 2015 Arizona Cardinals including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

St. Louis Rams – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC West
• History – The St. Louis Rams have a long and migratory history. They were established in 1936 in Cleveland Ohio, where their owners, a lawyer named Homer Marshman and a player/coach/owner Damon Wetzel decided to name them the Rams because they admired football players who came out of Fordham University in New York. Weird. Ten years later, the team moved to Los Angeles, where it would play until 1980 when it moved to nearby Anaheim. After another 14 years there, the team moved to its current location in St. Louis. These days there are rumors that the current owner, Stan Kroenke, wants to move the team back to Los Angeles.
• Championships – The Rams won two NFL championships in 1945 and 1951 before the merger between the NFL and AFL which ushered in the modern era of the league. They also won Super Bowl XXXIV in 1999. They are the only team to have won a championship in three different cities.
• Rivals – The San Francisco 49ers are the Rams primary rival, although it’s a slightly lopsided rivalry in terms of winning and primacy. The Rams might only be the 49ers third or fourth most hated rival and since 1980, the 49ers have won 46 of the 71 games the two have played. When the Rams moved to Anaheim, the Oakland Raiders moved to their old stadium in Los Angeles, so during that period those two teams were intense rivals.

The Rams rich history is obscured by the current long period of dismal play (1o years and counting now without a winning record) and by their itinerant past and uncertain future. Still, they have a lot to be proud of. They were the first team to televise their home games, starting in 1950. Two years earlier, they became the first team to put a design on their helmets — the unique ram-horn design which they still use today – and even cooler, it was designed by an active player on the team. They’re also notorious for fierce and tough defensive players. In the 1960s, their four-man defensive line was known as “The Fearsome Foursome” which is an awesome nickname, and in the 70s their defense was led by Jack Youngblood, who famously played through a broken leg, and Jack “Hacksaw” Reynolds whose nickname was Hacksaw! In the late 90s, early 2000s, the team had a brief resurgence with a very different style. Those teams, who won the Rams sole Super Bowl, played a wide open offensive passing game that got them the nickname, “The Greatest Show on Turf.”

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the St. Louis Rams?

Deacon Jones was the leader of the “Fearsome Foursome” defensive line that terrorized opponents in the 1960s. Jones was such a revolutionary defensive player that he actually coined one of the sport’s most important defensive terms, the sack. Here’s Jones on why he called tackling the quarterback a sack: “You take all the offensive linemen and put them in a burlap bag, and then you take a baseball bat and beat on the bag. You’re sacking them, you’re bagging them. And that’s what you’re doing with a quarterback.” One of the signature moves he used to get to quarterbacks was a giant, violent, open handed slap to the the head of the offensive lineman opposite. This was so effective that it was later banned.

Eric Dickerson played running back for the Rams for only a short time, from 1983 to 1987, but they were memorable years. During that period, he set NFL rushing records which still stand today. His regular season rushing records of 1,808 for a rookie and 2,105 have rarely been threatened since he set them and, given how pass-happy the NFL has become, probably won’t be for some time. Likewise, his rookie record of 18 rushing touchdowns. Dickerson is not always brought up when the subject of greatest running backs of all time comes up, but he should be.

Where do the St. Louis Rams play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a St. Louis Rams fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

They’re from St. Louis. Or Los Angeles. Or Anaheim. Basically no matter what era of Rams your date is a fan of, they’re probably harboring a fair amount of resentment or anticipated disappointment. Each move the Rams have made has hurt their fans and they’re all set up to make another one. If your date seems like an upbeat person, then they’ve done that despite of their team. That’s a good sign!

What will make a St. Louis Rams fan squirm?

You’ve got two options here. If the fan you’re trying to make squirm was a fan of the team in Los Angeles, then they’re probably in almost a constant state of squirm because they’re still mad that the team left the area to go to St. Louis in 1994. Of particular insult to Los Angeles/Anaheim Rams fans was the fact that the franchise kept its name and colors exactly the same after it moved. You can get them to squirm a little more by feigning ignorance of the team’s history before the St. Louis era. For newer Rams fans — ones that have only ever known the team in St. Louis — the easiest thing to do is to prey on the team’s decade-long streak without a winning season. Enjoy!

Buy St. Louis Rams Swag!

What do the St. Louis Rams look like?

Team colors are Millenium Blue, New Century Gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

 

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 St. Louis Rams including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

San Francisco 49ers – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC West
• History – As befitting a team named for a gold rush which brought thousands of pioneers to the West Coast, the San Francisco 49ers are pioneers themselves. Founded in 1946, the 49ers were the first professional football team in the western united states. They joined the NFL in 1957. In 1977 the team was sold to Edward J. Bartolo Jr. whose family still owns the team (along with the Yorks) today. Soon after the team changed hands, they launched themselves into a period of 18 years from 1981 to 1998 during which they won fewer than 63% of their games only once and won five Super Bowls and revolutionized how football is played.
• Championships – The San Francisco 49ers have won five championships during an 18-year period of sustained excellence: 1981, 1984, 1988, 1989, and 1994.
• Rivals – As you might expect from a team that won so much for so long, the 49ers have a lot of rivals. Some are against other traditionally strong teams like the New York Giants, Dallas Cowboys, and Green Bay Packers. Others are against current divisional or geographic rivals, like the Oakland Raiders, the Seattle Seahawks, and the St. Louis Rams.

The San Francisco 49ers are members of a small circle of football teams that feel like football royalty. Especially for people whose formative football years fell between 1981 and 1998, the 49ers are synonymous with amazing coaching, great quarterbacking, and perennial winning.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the San Francisco 49ers?

Bill Walsh was the head coach of the San Francisco 49ers from 1979 to 1988. Under his guidance, the team won its first three Super Bowls and went a combined 92-59-1. Football can be read as a conflict between rational, innovative intellect and brute strength and tradition. If you choose to read it that way, there’s no stronger argument for the first approach than Bill Walsh. His key innovation was to realize that short passes move the ball farther down the field than the average run play but if done by a well practiced offense, are not significantly more risky. That’s a massive simplification and, because this practice has, since the time of Walsh, become fairly routine under the name of “West Coast offense,” it may seem unexciting. At the time, it was a tactical breakthrough of Gaussian proportions. Walsh died in 2007.

Joe Montana was the first professional quarterback to benefit from Walsh’s innovative offense. It’s possible that no one has executed it better since Montana. Nicknamed “Joe Cool” and “The Comeback Kid” because of his penchant for playing well when the stakes were the highest, Montana ended his career with 31 wins when his team entered the fourth quarter of a game trailing. That’s 16% of his games! A seemingly unspectacular athlete, he was drafted in the third round of the 1975 NFL draft. He won a fourth Super Bowl in 1989 and picked up his third NFL MVP award in that game as well. [Editor’s note: I believe this was the first football game I ever watched.] Montana is widely thought of as one of the top quarterbacks in NFL history and still revered to this day.

Jerry Rice is the greatest wide receiver in NFL history. Small for a wide receiver, Rice made his plays by being more precise than everyone else and by barely ever dropping a ball that came his way. His style was perfect for the Bill Walsh/Joe Montana 49ers West Coast offense. Rice claims that his strong and reliable hands were developed as a kid when he and his brother would throw bricks two stories up at building sites to help out his father who was a mason. One of the unique aspects of Rice’s career is that he played so long that he was still actively playing in what people would otherwise have thought of as the “post-Jerry Rice era.” He retired in 2005 after 20 years in the NFL. He still owns virtually every receiving record worth having.

Where do the San Francisco 49ers play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a San Francisco 49ers fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Did your date just order the lobster? Don’t be surprised. 49ers fans are used to the best that life has to offer. Sure, they went through more than a decade of uninspiring teams, but their team never lost the sense of greatness that its colors and logo carry around.

What will make a San Francisco 49ers fan squirm?

Refer to the team as the “Santa Clara 49ers.” In 2014 the team moved from its traditional home within San Francisco city limits out to a new stadium in nearby Santa Clara. This was so antithetical to many local fans and politicians that a lawsuit or evan law change barring the team from using the “San Francisco” moniker was threatened before eventually being dropped.

Buy San Francisco 49ers Swag!

What do the San Francisco 49ers look like?

Team colors are red, gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

 

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 San Francisco 49ers including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Seattle Seahawks – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC West
• History – The Seattle Seahawks were an expansion team added to the NFL in 1974 as part of a two team expansion of the league from 26 to 28 teams. Expansions teams are able to stock their team with players by drafting unprotected players from other teams’ rosters. The Seahawks first owner was Lloyd W. Nordstrom of Nordstrom’s clothing store. The team played its first season as part of the NFC West division before being moved to the AFC West where it played until shifting back to the NFC West in 2002. In the mid-1990s, the team was in bankruptcy and almost relocated to California before being purchased by Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft.
• Championships – One, during the 2013 season, when they beat the Denver Broncos 43-8.
• Rivals – The San Francisco 49ers, who are in the same division and the closest team to the Seahawks geographically.

The Seahawks are a little bit different. They’re wacky, they’re innovative, they’re colorful, they’re unique. They are the league’s only team in the Pacific Northwest, an area that seems to have its own particular and somewhat separate culture from the rest of the country. They are the only team to have advanced to the conference finals in both conferences. They wear teal and neon green. Their fans are extremely vocal in support of their team. They’ve set World Records for stadium noise levels and actually caused a recordable seismic event during one memorable touchdown run. Owned by a co-founder of Microsoft, the Seahawks are on the edge of technology use in football, and during the administration of their current coach, Pete Carroll, at the forefront of a new coaching philosophy. The Seahawks are an exciting, trend-setting team.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Seattle Seahawks?

Pete Carroll is the current coach of the Seahawks and one of the most interesting figures in the league. In my profile of Carroll before the Superbowl XLIX in February, 2015, I wrote, “Pete Carroll is relentlessly laid back. He is an aggressive play-caller (which got him the moniker as “Big Ball’s Pete” at USC) who relies heavily on his players’ instincts and talent to win games… If there is a single theme that runs throughout everything Carroll believes in and does as a football coach, it is positive energy.” Carroll will need all the positivity he can muster during the 2015 after a heartbreaking loss in the Super Bowl, which most people blame Carroll’s last second choice to throw a pass instead of run the ball on the goal line.

Jim Zorn was the quarterback of the Seahawks from 1976 through 1983. He wasn’t the best quarterback in the league but his character so perfectly aligned with that of the Seahawks that he became a notable part of the team’s history. A left-handed quarterback, Zorn subsisted on improvisation and canny to make his way in the league. After his playing career, Zorn became a coach, and eventually moved from quarterbacks coach in Seattle to become the head coach of the Washington Redskins in 2008. During that period, Elizabeth Merrill wrote a wonderful profile of Zorn for ESPN. In it, Zorn’s wife describes him: “You cannot put him into a box,” she says. “He just won’t fit in. He squishes out all over the sides.” That’s Zorn and that’s the Seahawks.

Steve Largent is a hall of fame wide receiver who played his entire career for the Seahawks from 1976 to 1989. At the time of his retirement, he was the single most accomplished pass catcher in NFL history. As someone who explained crossing the picket line to become a scab during the 1982 NFL player strike by siting religious text, it’s no surprise that he went into politics after his playing career. He was a four-term Congressperson in Oklahoma and lost in a closely contested gubernatorial election in 2002.

Where do the Seattle Seahawks play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Seattle Seahawks fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

With the recent success of the team, there are a lot of people across the country who have become new Seahawks fans. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s great for people to get interested in a sport and choose a team to follow. Front-running as a personality trait through… well, it should make you think twice about getting into a long-term relationship with that person. When things get tough, will they stick with you? When age starts to line your face and wrinkle your skin, are they going to move on to someone new? I’d be wary of bandwagon Seahawks fans. On the other hand, someone who as rooted for the Seahawks their whole life may be pleasantly quirky and quite loyal.

What will make a Seattle Seahawks fan squirm?

Right now, the best thing you can do is to strategically use the word “run.” Particularly in phrases like — “are you sure you don’t want to just run to the store to get it?”  I think you might regret it if you didn’t run there right now.” Or even, “you know what’s the best feeling in the world? Just running. I love running. I run whenever I possibly can. It’s never let me down.”

Buy Seattle Seahawks Swag!

What do the Seattle Seahawks look like?

Team colors are College Navy, Action Green, Wolf Grey. Their current uniforms look like this.

 

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Seattle Seahawks including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

Bonus podcast!

I recorded a podcast with a Seahawks fan (and a Chiefs fan.) Enjoy!

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

San Diego Chargers – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC West
• History – The San Diego Chargers came out of the gate swinging, winning division titles in five of the first six years of their existence. They played their first year in Los Angeles before moving down the coast to San Diego. Almost as soon as the team joined the NFL in 1970, things went south for them, and they went a combined 37-70-4 (37 wins, 70 losses, and a remarkable four ties) over the next eight years. They have had three resurgences since then, one in the late 1970s and early 1980s, one in the mid 1990s and one in the mid-2000s, the end of which, the team may still be in. For a celebrity tie-in, the team was originally owned by Barron Hilton, son of Hilton Hotels founder Conrad Hilton and also the grandfather of Paris Hilton.
• Championships – None. The Chargers did win an AFC championship before the league merged with the NFL in 1963.
• Rivals – None. The Chargers don’t get along very well with the other three teams in the division, the Denver Broncos, Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders, but none rise to the level of true rivalry.

The Chargers have often been an exciting team throughout their history. In 1979, they became the first NFL team to pass more than they ran. They are known for having talented players, coaches, and general managers, and then failing despite of all that. Chargers fans have a little bit of a chip on their shoulder because they’re often overlooked by the success or flashiness of other teams in their division. One of thirteen teams to never win a championship, Chargers fans are still waiting for that magical moment.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the San Diego Chargers?

Junior Seau is the person historians or epic poets will focus on when the tragic history of the NFL is written. Born and raised in San Diego, he was drafted by his home town team in 1990. He quickly became a fan favorite, team leader, and one of the best linebackers in the league. He played for the Chargers for 13 seasons before finishing his career with two stints for the Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots. At no time, regardless of what other team he played for, was he associated with any team more closely than with the Chargers. He was a Charger for life. Unfortunately, his life was far too short. In 2012, at the age of 43, Seau killed himself by shooting himself in the chest. His family donated his brain to a lab studying Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain condition that has been linked to football. His family has opted out of the NFL concussion settlement and is suing the league individually. Seau remains a fan favorite. His number was retired by the team in 2012 and he was elected to the NFL Hall of Fame in 2015.

Dan Fouts typifies the San Diego Chargers. He was a revolutionary player who set passing records galore during his 15 year career with the team. He set the record for most passing yards in a season in three consecutive years in 1979, 1980, and again in 1981. In 1982, he set a record for highest average passing yards per game. He was a six-time Pro Bowl quarterback and was elected into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1993. You probably can already hear the “but” coming. During Fouts’ term as quarterback of the Chargers, they never made it to a Super Bowl, much less won one. Today Fouts is a football commentator on CBS.

Where do the San Diego Chargers play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a San Diego Chargers fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Imagine that the date is going really well. You’ve hit it off wonderfully. Your stories are making him or her laugh, his or hers are giving you a great view into the kind of person they are, and it’s all good. If you’re sitting across the table from a true Chargers fan, they’re going to be absolutely, 100% convinced that something is about to go terribly wrong. It’s been bred into them from watching the Chargers, a team whose most famous play might be the “Immaculate Deception” when they lost a game because a fumble rolled forward into the endzone. This is a team which in recent years always seems to find a way to impress early in the season and then fall apart as the season goes on. They make the playoffs… only to fail in them. Be kind, reassure your date that they don’t share the fate of their favorite football team.

What will make a San Diego Chargers fan squirm?

I probably demonstrated this to you above in this post when I claimed that the Chargers don’t have any real rivals. Do that and add in that the team might move to Los Angeles and you’re guaranteed to make a San Diego Chargers fan squirm.

Buy San Diego Swag!

What do the San Diego Chargers look like?

Team colors are navy blue, powder blue, gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

 

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 San Diego Chargers including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.