Category: Football

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Cincinnati Bengals – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC North
• History – The Cincinnati Bengals were started in 1966 by an unhappy ex-head coach of the nearby Cleveland Browns. He pursued his revenge by starting a team in the same state as Cleveland and wearing the same exact shade of orange. From those inauspicious roots, the Bengals, one of the least successful and most dysfunctional teams in all of football, was born.
• Championships – The Bengals have never won a championship.
• Rivals – Born out of a rivalry with the Cleveland Browns, the Bengals continue to carry that grudge now that the teams play twice a year within the AFC North division. The Pittsburgh Steelers are the team’s other primary rival, even though they’ve had the losing end of the matchup 56 out of the 90 times the teams have played.

The Bengals are often referred to as the “Bungles” and, although that’s a bad joke, it’s not a bad description. The Bengals have been consistently bad throughout most of their history. They’ve made the Super Bowl twice, in 1991 and 1998 but lost both times to the San Francisco 49ers. From 1991 through 2008, the team only recorded a single winning season. The Bengals have been known for their unwillingness to spend money on players or player “luxuries” like decent practice fields and equipment. They also have a reputation for employing players who get into legal trouble. Basically, they’re a pretty giant pile of mess most of the time.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Cincinnati Bengals?

Anthony Munoz was drafted with the third overall pick of the 1980 draft. He played on the Bengals offensive line for his entire 13 season career and was one of the most popular and successful Bengals of his era. He was selected to 11 Pro Bowls in that time and was also a three time offensive lineman of the year and won both the Walter Peyton Man of the Year award and the Bart Starr Man of the Year award. He was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1998.

Paul Brown is the founding father of the Cincinnati Bengals. The former coach of the Cleveland Browns (who were named after him!), Brown was fired in 1963. By 1968 he had cofounded the Bengals and was firmly installed as their first head coach. He was an innovator in many aspects of the game. According to Wikipedia, he “was the first coach to use game film to scout opponents, hire a full-time staff of assistants, and test players on their knowledge of a playbook. He invented the modern face mask, the taxi squad and the draw play. He also played a role in breaking professional football’s color barrier, bringing some of the first African-Americans to play pro football in the modern era onto his teams.” Brown retired in 1975 and was succeeded in his ownership capacity by his son, Mike Brown, the current owner of the team.

Where do the Cincinnati Bengals play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Cincinnati Bengals fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date is either from Cincinnati or really, really has a thing for cat-print clothing. The first should be easy to check. The second… may require some undercover investigation…

What will make a Cincinnati Bengals fan squirm?

Claim that the Bengal’s chant, “Who Dey?” is derivative of the New Orleans Saints’ “Who Dat?” Shockingly it seems as though the two developed in a strange case of independent convergent linguistic evolution, but that doesn’t stop people from squabbling over who had it first.

Buy Cincinnati Bengals Swag!

What do the Cincinnati Bengals look like?

Team colors are black, orange, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Baltimore Ravens including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Baltimore Ravens – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC North
• History – The Baltimore Ravens have one of the most interesting creation stories in the NFL. After failing in several attempts to land an expansion franchise, the city convinced the owner of the Cleveland Browns to move his team to Baltimore for the 1996 season. Baltimore football fans felt understandably queasy about taking another city’s team, especially because so many of them were still angry that their original team had moved to Indianapolis in 1984. Cleveland residents were not so happy either. As part of a settlement with the NFL, the team moving to Baltimore promised to leave its name, colors, and its history in Cleveland and start anew in Baltimore. The NFL promised to replace the Browns in Cleveland within three years. So, the Ravens began in Baltimore with an already established set of players, but otherwise just like a new expansion team.
• Championships – The Ravens have won two Super Bowls, one in 2000 and one in 2012.
• Rivals – The Ravens rivalry with the Pittsburgh Steelers is the most physically intense rivalry of the 2000s. Games between the two teams feel viscerally different from the point of view of a spectator and I would imagine to the players as well.

The Ravens have a very distinct image. They’re loud, aggressive, and physical. Like the Chicago Bears, their teams lean towards great defenses that can carry mediocre offenses deep into the playoffs. Unlike the Bears though, the formula has worked for the Ravens, twice in their short history. The Ravens are known throughout the league as being very smart operators from a management and player development standpoint. When they reach a point at which other teams would have to go through several years of losing while they rebuild their rosters, the Ravens seem to be able to reload quickly and keep winning. After three losing seasons to start the team’s time in Baltimore, they only had another three in the next fifteen years.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Baltimore Ravens?

Ray Lewis was the face of the Ravens franchise and the heart of their defense for most of his 17-year career with the Baltimore Ravens. Lewis was a brilliant middle linebacker and a charismatic leader. During the prime of his career, from 1998 to 2001, the Ravens had a streak of 51 games in which they didn’t allow a single player from an opposing team to rush for 100 yards. Lewis’ career was marred by an indictment for murder in 2000. The charges against Lewis were eventually dropped to a lower offense after he agreed to testify against two other people accused of the crime. Lewis’ public image took a hit but bounced back a few years later. Lewis is once again a very popular figure and a big part of ESPN’s NFL coverage.

Jonathan Ogden was drafted as the fourth overall pick by the Ravens in their inaugural 1996 draft. It was a great pick for the team. One of the tallest players in NFL history, the 6’9″ and 345 pound Ogden manned the left side of Baltimore’s offensive line for the next twelve years. An almost impossibly good player, starting in 1997, Ogden was voted into the Pro Bowl every year until he retired in 2007. He was elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2013 and became the first honoree to have played his entire career with the Ravens.

Where do the Baltimore Ravens play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Baltimore Ravens fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date will tell you exactly what he or she thinks of those new pants you’re wearing. Ravens fans don’t hold back easily or often.

What will make a Baltimore Ravens fan squirm?

Last year’s controversy over Ray Rice will make most Ravens fans squirm in their seats. Through no fault of their own, they rooted for him for years and years, and that doesn’t feel good retroactively.

Buy Baltimore Ravens Swag!

What do the Baltimore Ravens look like?

Team colors are purple, black, metallic gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

A post about the 2015 Baltimore Ravens including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Minnesota Vikings – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC North
• History – The Minnesota Vikings were almost a founding member of the upstart American Football League before the NFL pounced on them and made them an offer they couldn’t refuse to become the league’s 14th franchise in 1961. Since then, they’ve managed to be very good (they have the third highest winning percentage in the NFL since 1961) without being very successful.
• Championships – The won an NFL championship in 1969, the last year before the AFL merged with the NFL. Since then, they’ve been to the playoffs 25 times and the Super Bowl four times without ever winning another championship.
• Rivals – The Vikings may be the new kid on the block in the NFC North with the Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions, and Chicago Bears, but that hasn’t stopped them from developing violent rivalries with all three.

The Vikings are the most successful failures in the NFL. Only the Buffalo Bills, with their four straight Super Bowl appearances (but no wins), rival the Vikings in pathos. They Vikings are almost always good, often very good, but always frustrating to their fans. They are a colorful team in terms of personality and uniform. Their name reflects the Scandinavian heritage of many people in the Minnesota area and their mascot is currently a dude named Joseph Juranitch who holds the World Record for fastest beard shaving with an ax.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Minnesota Vikings?

Fran Tarkenton is a rare character. His Wikipedia page lists him as a football quarterback, television personality, and computer software executive. Tarkenton’s first game was the Vikings first game in 1961. He threw for four touchdowns. Rare for his time (and his race, but that’s another story with a long and racially complicated history) Tarkenton would frequently run with the ball which got him some great nicknames: “The Mad Scrambler,” “Frantic Fran,” and “Scramblin’ Fran” and a lot of bruises. He played for the Vikings from 1961 to 1966 and then, after a one year stay with the New York Giants, from 1972 to 1978. When he retired, he held most major quarterback records. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1986.

Randy Moss was a phenomenal wide receiver who burst onto the NFL scene in 1998 after a productive and controversial college career at Marshall University. He was the subject of a compelling documentary called Rand University which I wrote about in 2014. Moss’ time with the Vikings, from 1998 to 2004 were the highlight of his career (plus one ridiculous season with the New England Patriots in 2007) and brought a lot of casual fans into football and made a lot of football fans root for the Vikings. For those of us where were teenagers at the peak of Moss’ talents, he will always be the greatest receiver ever in our minds.

Where do the Minnesota Vikings play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Minnesota Vikings fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date is a football fan who wears purple proudly. You may associate purple with Prince but Prince associates purple with the Vikings. He’s a giant fan. Is your date a Prince fan in addition to being a Vikings fan? If so, he or she might be a keeper.

What will make a Minnesota Vikings fan squirm?

No Super Bowl wins? 25 playoff appearances since 1970? Four Super Bowl appearances? And no wins?

Buy Minnesota Vikings Swag!

What do the Minnesota Vikings look like?

Team colors are purple, gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Minnesota Vikings including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Green Bay Packers – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC North
• History – The Green Bay Packers are the third oldest team in the NFL, having been founded in 1919. Back then, having a team in a small, industrial town like Green Bay, and naming it after the local industry, was not so unusual. For the team to have survived to today in almost that exact form is astounding. The Packers have never moved and have never been renamed and they are among the most popular NFL teams in the country despite having one of the smallest local markets. Part of their secret has been consistent winning, almost throughout their 96 year history. The team is also unique among American professional sporting franchises in its ownership structure. It is communally owned by over 360,000 people although only a very small percentage of those carry any decision making privileges.
• Championships – The Packers can lay claim to being the winningest team in NFL history. They won nine NFL championships before the Super Bowl era and four Super Bowls including the first two in 1967 and 1968, one in 1997 and one in 2011.
• Rivals – The Packers are part of the oldest rivalry in the NFL, with the Bears starting in 1921 and the longest continuously running with the Lions, starting in 1930. They’re also rivals with the Minnesota Vikings.

The Green Bay Packers are most dominant team in NFL history. They are like the New York Yankees in baseball, the Boston Celtics in basketball, or the Montreal Canadiens in hockey. If you love history and nostalgia and knowing about the days of yore, you’ll love the Packers. Their stadium, Lambeau field, is hallowed ground within the NFL community. Because of its setting and unique ownership, the team is more integrated into its city and surrounding area than any other team. People pass Packers season tickets down from generation to generation. Even spots on the waiting list will be inherited as a prized possession! The Packers players show their dedication to their fans by leaping (called the Lambeau Leap) into the crowd after scoring touchdowns.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Green Bay Packers?

Vince Lombardi is the most famous coach in NFL history. Although he only coached the Packers for seven years, from 1959 to 1967, during those years, he made quite a name for himself. His teams won five NFL championships in those seven years, including three straight in 1965, 1966, and 1966. Lombardi was determinedly liberal on issues of race and sexual preference. He only booked his teams to stay in hotels that allowed white and black players to stay and was comfortable with and encouraging to gay players and co-workers in his organization. As a show of respect and sincere widespread fondness towards Lombardi, the NFL named its championship trophy for him in 1971 following his death at the age of 57.

Bart Starr had two stints with the Packers, first as their championship winning quarterback from 1956 to 1971 and then as a lackluster head coach from 1975 to 1983. Starr is regarded with an odd mix of reverence and dismissal. He is considered to have been a great leader on the field more than a great player. That’s perhaps why the NFL award named after him is given each year to a player with “outstanding character.”

Brett Favre was the charismatic quarterback who led the Green Bay Packers from 1992 to 2007. In that time, he won three straight NFL MVP awards, a Super Bowl, and set a record for consecutive games played, 297 (or 321 if you count playoff games) which may never be broken. He was as headstrong as he was strong armed, and was known almost as much for his wild mistakes as his brilliant successes. He had a desultory end to his career, playing with moderate success for the New York Jets and Minnesota Vikings and being the perpetrator of an early sexting harassment situation. As time passes, he is slowly regaining respect in the public sphere and will be eligible for induction into the Hall of Fame in 2016.

Where do the Green Bay Packers play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Green Bay Packers fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

He or she is used to winning but not unreasonably so. They love tradition, but not at the expense of winning, and will be willing to be flexible when push comes to shove. If you don’t mind their habit of wearing a giant, yellow, plastic block of cheese on their heads, they might be perfect for you!

What will make a Green Bay Packers fan squirm?

Packers fans are understandably uncomfortable with how things ended with Brett Favre. Some will take the team’s side and say that Favre was at fault. Others criticize the team and say that the organization was too quick to move on from a beloved employee like Favre. Despite the success of quarterback Aaron Rodgers who took over for Favre, many Packers fans will still cringe if you bring up the team’s split with Favre.

Buy Green Bay Packers Swag!

What do the Green Bay Packers look like?

Team colors are dark green, gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Green Bay Packers including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Detroit Lions – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC North
• History – The Detroit Lions played as the Portsmouth Spartans from Portsmouth, Ohio, for four years from 1930 to 1934 when the team was purchased by a group from Detroit and moved to the city. There the team was renamed the Lions to fit with the city’s baseball team, the Tigers.
• Championships – Despite having played in the NFL since 1930, the Lions do not have a tradition of success. Although they won four NFL championships, one in 1935 and three in the 1950s, they have never even been to a Super Bowl.
• Rivals – The Lions maintain rivalries with each of their divisional opponents, the Chicago Bears, the Green Bay Packers, and the Minnesota Vikings — and despite the Lions losing ways, each rivalry has something special to it. The Lions and Packers have the longest running continuous rivalry, having played at least once every year since 1930.

The Detroit Lions are the NFL’s version of the Washington Generals. Unlike the Generals, who are professional stooges to the Harlem Globetrotters, the Lions are actually trying to win. In their long history, they’ve never had a sustained period of extraordinary success. They have had sparkling individual players but have never been able to put all the pieces together to make, much less win, a modern NFL Championship.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Detroit Lions?

Barry Sanders was every kid’s favorite running back in the mid-1990s. Drafted in 1989 with the third overall pick by the Detroit Lions, Sanders was a pint-sized running back (only 5’8) with moves to spare. He would spend much of the game getting tackled right at the line of scrimmage by the giant defensive players out to get him, only to fake everyone out on one run and score a highlight-reel worthy long touchdown. He was elusive and resilient on the field but an enigma off the field. Never one for putting himself in the spotlight, he stunned the world when he announced he was retiring in 1989 by faxing a letter to his local newspaper. Sanders was a Pro Bowl honoree in all of his ten seasons with the team and was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2004.

Calvin Johnson has continued the trend of quiet Lions superstars into the 2000s. An immensely talented wide receiver, unlike many of his positional peers, Johnson lets his play speak for him. His nickname is Megatron which nicely relates the type of robotic dominance that Johnson has had over the league since he was drafted number two overall in 2007 by the Lions.

Where do the Detroit Lions play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Detroit Lions fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date loves lost causes. Time to celebrate!

What will make a Detroit Lions fan squirm?

At this point, Lions fans are so used to losing that the easiest way to get them to squirm is to be really, really positive about their team. The more hopeful things you say, the more squirming you’ll see.

Buy Detroit Lions Swag!

What do the Detroit Lions look like?

Team colors are Honolulu Blue, silver, black, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Detroit Lions including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Chicago Bears – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – National Football Conference (NFC)
• Division – NFC North
• History – The Chicago Bears history began in 1919, 180 miles out of Chicago in the town of Decatur as the Decatur Staleys, named after the A. E. Staley “food starch” company. They are one of two original NFL franchises that still exist today. By 1921, the team had moved to Chicago, and in 1922 had changed its name to the Bears. The team was an almost immediate success and had fewer than 10 losing seasons from its inception until 1970.
• Championships – The Bears have won nine championships but only one counts as a Super Bowl victory. That one, in 1985, is much prized by contemporary Bears fans, whose memories of the seven NFL championships the team won from 1921 to 1946 are non-existent or fading, and whose memories of the winning team in 1963 are probably not that much better.
• Rivals – The Bears are part of the longest running rivalry in the NFL with the Green Bay Packers. The two teams began playing in 1921 and have played over 190 games. It’s also been remarkably even — as of the start of the 2015 season, the Bears have the edge 93-91-6. They still play in the same division, along with the Bears other two rivals, the Detroit Lions and Minnesota Vikings. Those rivalries are not as old but they are plenty deep.

The Chicago Bears are a legendary team in reality and in… ahem… legend. As one of the oldest teams in the league, the Bears carry with them a mystique of traditional greatness strongly associated with rough, defensive football. This strength can also be interpreted as a weakness, and indeed, the team’s inability or unwillingness to acquire or develop a great quarterback and a high-scoring offense is a major reason for their long championship drought. Their most brilliant stretch of play came in the mid-1980s and came thanks to an overwhelmingly good defense. It was around this time that the Bears entered the national vernacular (or at least my family’s) thanks to this wonderful SNL skit. Of course, when it comes to comedy, unintentional is often better than intentional. Here’s a totally unironic Chicago Bears fight song performed by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. In all honesty though, that song is a great example of how the Bears celebrate their legacy as one of the oldest and most historic teams in the league and it’s pretty cool.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Chicago Bears?

Mike Ditka has been the key character in almost all Bears related dramas since the Bears drafted him fifth overall in the 1961 NFL draft to play tight end. The tight end position was at the cusp of a revolution and Ditka was on the barricades, leading the way. He helped transform the position from being primarily a blocking position to a hybrid blocking and catching one. In his five years with the Bears, he earned Pro Bowl honors each year and was part of the team that won the NFL championship in 1963. In 1982, he returned to the Bears as head coach after several years as an assistant coach in Dallas. He coached the Bears for 11 seasons and led them to their only Super Bowl victory. His hardened demeanor, brusque attitude, and military mustache became emblematic of the Bears during his time as coach. He was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1988 and is a frequent presence on NFL television today.

Walter Payton, known by his nickname, “Sweetness,” is considered one the best and definitely one of football’s favorite running backs of all time. After a wonderful college career at the historically Black college, Jackson State, Payton was drafted fourth overall by the Bears in the 1975 NFL Draft. In 1977 he rushed for 275 yards in a single game (during which he had the flu and a 101° fever). This record would stand for 23 years until it was broken in 2000. His running style, while elegant, was the opposite of his nickname. Payton was a tough, physical runner, whose policy was to seek contact rather than avoid it and who had celebrated touchdowns by simply handing the ball to a referee. Payton famously did not score a touchdown in the Bears Super Bowl win despite the team scoring 46 points, including one touchdown from a defensive player on an offensive rushing play that would ordinarily have gone to Payton. Payton was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1993 and died in 1999 at the age of 45.

Where do the Chicago Bears play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Chicago Bears fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date is about to order a Polish sausage. She hates offense and would be as happy to tackle you as kiss you. Nah, just kidding, those are stereotypes too gross even for this joking segment. Your date has a love/hate relationship with tradition. She loves the Bears and a lot of what loving the Bears is about is honoring the past and respecting tradition, but after 30 years of the Bears way not working… maybe it’s time for a change?

What will make a Chicago Bears fan squirm?

Jay Cutler, the Bears current quarterback, makes all Bears fans squirm, all the time. Say his name or place pictures of him in unexpected places.

Buy Chicago Bears Swag!

What do the Chicago Bears look like?

Team colors are dark navy, orange, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Chicago Bears including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Tennessee Titans – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC South
• History – The Tennessee Titans played for the first 36 years of their existence as the Houston Oilers, first in the American Football League (AFL) and then in the NFL. The team moved to Tennessee in 1997 where it played as the Tennessee Oilers for two years before changing its name to the Titans.
• Championships – The Titans franchise claims two AFL championships from 1960 and 1961.
• Rivals – The Titans maintain a rivalry with the team that took their place in Houston, the Houston Texans, and their divisional opponents, the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Nostalgia is a strange beast. It’s very likely that we’d regard the old Houston Oilers differently if the team hadn’t moved to Tennessee, but once they did, the Oilers became a focus of a great many fond memories. The Titans have always lived in the shadow cast by the memory of the Oilers and despite being supported well by fans in the area, it will probably take a Super Bowl win for them to finally step into the spotlight as the Titans.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Tennessee Titans?

Warren Moon was quarterback of the Houston Oilers from 1984 to 1993. As was the case for many black quarterbacks in those days, Moon had to take a circuitous route to NFL success. Faced with the prospect of going to a major football college but having to change positions, Moon decided to continue playing quarterback and go to a lesser known school, West Los Angeles College, where he set records. Undrafted by the NFL, Moon went to play in the Canadian Football League for the Edmonton Eskimos for six years and won five Grey Cups (the CFL version of the Super Bowl.) Finally, the NFL and the Houston Oilers came calling and Moon had his shot. By 1989, he was the highest paid player in the league. He had an extremely successful career although he never reached the pinnacle of success in the NFL that he had in the CFL. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2006.

Steve McNair took a similar path to NFL stardom, although he skipped the Canadian track. The University of Florida offered him a full scholarship to play football but wanted him to switch from his preferred position of quarterback to running back. McNair declined and went to Alcorn State University, which plays in college football’s second division. After a remarkable career in college, McNair was drafted by the Houston Oilers with the third overall pick of the 1995 draft (showing that there had been some progress for black quarterbacks since Moon). He led the team for the next 11 seasons and bridged the gap between Houston and Tennessee. He was the team’s starting quarterback during their one Super Bowl appearance in the 1999 season. He was murdered in 2009 by his mistress.

Where do the Tennessee Titans play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Tennessee Titans fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

He or she is someone who holds back judgement until they get to know something or someone pretty well. That’s a good quality, especially since you ran out without noticing that stain on your shirt.

What will make a Tennessee Titans fan squirm?

Insist that the “Music City Miracle” was an illegal forward pass.

Buy Tennessee Titans Swag!

What do the Tennessee Titans look like?

Team colors are Titans Blue, navy, red, white, and silver. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Tennessee Titans including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Jacksonville Jaguars – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC South
• History – The Jacksonville Jaguars were a surprise choice to join the Carolina Panthers as expansion teams for the 1995 season. The first set of expansion teams in 20 years, Jacksonville was thought to be the least likely of the four or five cities vying for a team. The team’s miraculous nature continued early on with trips to the playoffs in four consecutive years starting with their second season in 1996. Since 2000, the miracles went dry and the team has been among the worst in the league.
• Championships – The Jaguars have never won a championship.
• Rivals – The Jaguars fiercest on-field rivalry is with the Tennessee Titans, fellow members of the AFC South. Their fiercest off-field rivalry is with the Carolina Panthers, who came into the league at the same time the Jaguars did. The drawing of a jaguar in the team’s logo has a teal tongue (the color of the Panthers) to show how the Jaguars will kill and eat the Panthers franchise.

The Jaguars came out of the gate fast and were almost instantly a more than respectable NFL franchise. That type of success was virtually unprecedented for an expansion team and it certainly seems like whatever deal with whatever entity or deity the Jaguars made to achieve it has backfired over the past fifteen years. Since 2000 the Jaguars have sunk into the deepest despair possible and their team frequently tops lists of teams rumored to be moving to Los Angeles or even London. The words most commonly used in association with the team these days are “futility” and “dismal.”

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Jacksonville Jaguars?

Shahid Khan purchased the Jacksonville Jaguars in January, 2012 for an estimated $760 million. That’s not peanuts, but it’s also not pie for the naturalized Pakistani-American Khan whose net worth is around $4.6 billion. He also owns the British Premier League soccer team, Fulham F.C. Khan is a rare example of the American Dream at work. Having started working at an automotive parts company while in college, he eventually rose to start his own similar company which eventually purchased and consolidated the original one. The resulting company, Flex-N-Gate manufactures bumpers for the vast majority of cars in the market. Khan is the first ethnic minority to own an NFL team.

Where do the Jacksonville Jaguars play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Jacksonville Jaguars fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date has a well-practiced ability to roll with the punches. Once you’re in a relationship with them, they’ll be there for you no matter what happens in your life.

What will make a Jacksonville Jaguars fan squirm?

Even with a bunch of other teams rumored to be potentially moving to L.A. or elsewhere, Jags fans are more worried than most. Casually mention how interesting you think it would be for the Jaguars to move to London.

Buy Jacksonville Jaguars Swag!

What do the Jacksonville Jaguars look like?

Team colors are black, teal, gold, and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Jacksonville Jaguars including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Indianapolis Colts – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC South
• History – The Indianapolis Colts are a team with a split history. They played in Baltimore as the Baltimore Colts from 1953 to 1983 before moving to Indianapolis. The move was (and is) a source of great controversy. Although the team had been one of the strongest in the league during the 1960s and early 1970s, the late 1970s and early 1980s were bad for the Colts. That set the context for a conflict between the owner of the Colts, who wanted Baltimore to fund a new stadium, and the city and its people, who did not want to fund a stadium but also didn’t want to lose their team to another city. It’s impossible to say who fired the first shot, but in the winter of 1983-84, the owner of the Colts and Baltimore engaged in a war to see which could happen first — moving the team to another city or the passing of a law that would enable the city to seize the team based on eminent domain. The Colts owner won and on March 29, 1984, moving vans literally moved the team out to Indianapolis under cover of darkness. By morning, nothing of the team would be left in Baltimore. Indianapolis, whose residents cannot be blamed for how they acquired their team, have embraced the team magnificently and it has thrived since moving there.
• Championships – The Colts won two NFL championships in Baltimore in 1958 and 1959 during the pre-Super Bowl era, one Super Bowl in Baltimore in 1970 and one Super Bowl in Indianapolis in 2006.
• Rivals – The Colts major rival is the New England Patriots. This rivalry has thrived despite the teams being in different divisions since 2002. Since the late 1990s, the two teams have been consistently at the top of the AFC and often perceive each other as the biggest challenge in making the Super Bowl.

The Indianapolis Colts have a proud history which traces back to their Baltimore past, even if the move was divisive. Their simple, elegant, blue and white uniforms have barely changed since the 1950s. They are a largely stable organization that has had incredible luck (no pun intended) and skill in transitioning from one franchise quarterback to the next. They play in a dome, which lends itself to offense and passing oriented football.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Indianapolis Colts?

Jim Irsay is the current owner of the Indianapolis Colts. He inherited the team from his father, who purchased the Colts when Jim was 12. After college, Jim went to work for his father and the Colts and has been there ever since. He became General Manager and Vice President a month after the team left Baltimore (perhaps his Dad was protecting him from having to be involved with that ugly chapter) and he took over completely in 1995 when his father suffered a stroke. Not everything has gone smoothly for Irsay though. After his father’s death, he had a legal battle with his stepmother for control of the team. He also struggles with addiction and has had several high profile lapses leading to stints in rehab and temporary bans from the NFL.

Johnny Unitas/Peyton Manning/Andrew Luck are the three great quarterbacks in Colts history. Unitas played for the Colts from 1956 to 1972. He was a prodigious passer, setting records left and right and helping to cement the dominance of the pass in the modern era of the NFL. He led the Colts do a sudden death victory in the 1958 NFL Championship game, which is often referred to as the “greatest game ever played.” Later in his career, he was knocked out of the Colts first Super Bowl victory during the 1970 season, but not before throwing a record setting 75-yard touchdown pass. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1979. When the Colts moved to Baltimore, he was so outraged that he refused to have anything to do with them and started lobbying the NFL to return to Baltimore. This didn’t stop Peyton Manning, the quarterbacking savant the Colts drafted number one overall in the 1998 NFL draft, from paying tribute to Unitas at every chance he got. Although Manning struggled in his first season with the Colts, by his second season, he had earned his first of fourteen Pro Bowl honors in sixteen years. Manning led the team to a 13-3 record and a division title. Over the next 11 seasons, the Colts would be under .500 only once, win seven division titles, and a Super Bowl. Manning would set all kinds of quarterbacking records while also playing as a modern-day version of Unitas, who called all his own plays. When Manning missed the 2011 season with an injury, the team went 2-14, the worst record in the league. This earned them another first overall draft pick, which they used on Andrew Luck, a quarterback from Stanford. Manning moved on to Denver and Luck took over the team. So far, he’s been great and it looks like the Colts have picked themselves another winner at quarterback.

Where do the Indianapolis Colts play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Indianapolis Colts fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date is spoiled rotten by the Colts success at quarterback. If you claim to be good at something (go-cart racing, sautéing spinach, surgery) you better be really good at it or your date will not be impressed.

What will make a Indianapolis Colts fan squirm?

Sympathetically remark that it’s a surprising shame that the Colts only won a single Super Bowl in the Manning era — that with all the success the team had, it would have been nice to win at least two.

Buy Indianapolis Colts Swag!

What do the Indianapolis Colts look like?

Team colors are royal blue and white. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Indianapolis Colts including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.

One of the most disconcerting aspects of traveling to a country whose language you don’t know is how the most commonplace things become indecipherable. Ask a stranger for directions and she may think to explain tricky vocabulary but she’ll almost never think to describe whether the place she just referred to is a city, train station, library, cafe, or all of the above. The same is true for sports natives. A thoughtful sports fan should be willing and able to explain a rule, but he’ll almost never think of explaining who a particular team is, what sport they play, or the team’s history and characteristics. In this series, we’ll do just that — describe what is unique about each sports team.

Houston Texans – the basics

• Sport – Football
• League – National Football League (NFL)
• Conference – American Football Conference (AFC)
• Division – AFC South
• History – The Houston Texans are the newest team in the NFL, having been created as an expansion team in 2002, but their name evokes the NFL’s distant past. The Kansas City Chiefs were briefly known as the Texans (and played in Dallas) at the start of their history. The Houston Texans are also not the first team from the NFL to call Houston its home. From 1960 to 1996 the Houston Oilers were a much beloved team, first in the American Football League and later in the NFL. In 1997 they were moved to Tennessee by their owner and Houston had to go without professional football until the Texans started up in 2002.
• Championships – The Texans have never won a championship.
• Rivals – Rivalries take time to develop and the Texans don’t have a long history. That said, the Texans have a couple obvious teams with real rivalry potential: the Tennessee Titans who were once the Houston Oilers, and who now play in the same division as the Texans; the Dallas Cowboys who have always dominated the Texas region in terms of fans. They have also developed a kind of one-sided rivalry with the Indianapolis Colts who have been the power in the AFC South division for most on the Texans existence.

The Houston Texans are a classic expansion franchise. Having to create a team from scratch while all your opponents are building off of foundations (albeit ones of differing strengths) is difficult. It took the Texans eight tries to finally win more than they lost during a regular season. They did that for the first time in 2009. In 2011 they won their division for the first time and even won a game in the playoffs before being eliminated. They repeated that feat in 2012 but were not able to sustain the success after that. These days the Texans have hope but not assurance that they’ll succeed.

Here is the their winning percentage in each season since their inception:

Who are some notable players or figures from the Houston Texans?

J.J. Watt is the most dominant defensive player in the NFL and he plays for the Houston Texans. 6’5″ and almost 300 pounds with freakishly long arms and giant hands, Watt is an intimidating presence on the defensive line for the Texans. He was drafted 11th overall by the Texans in 2011 and has won NFL defensive player of the year twice in his four years of play. His dominance is so profound, he makes it seem like the Texans have an extra player on the field when he is playing.

Where do the Houston Texans play?

The blind date test

Imagine you’re about to go on a blind date and all you know about the person is that he or she is a Houston Texans fan. Here’s what you can guess about that person. Remember that all fans are unique. We bear no responsibility for any misunderstandings we engender. Trust but verify.

Your date is future oriented and very good at imagining a time when things will be, not just better, but actually good. Give them a little to work with, and they’ll be creating images in their mind of a white picket fence, 2.3 children, and a golden retriever.

What will make a Houston Texans fan squirm?

The best would be for you to live in or around Houston and tell them you’re a Dallas Cowboys or Indianapolis Colts fan but you’ll “switch to the Texans once they get good.”

Buy Houston Texans Swag!

What do the Houston Texans look like?

Team colors are Deep Steel Blue, Battle Red, and Liberty White. Their current uniforms look like this.

Current and recent teams

Coming soon — a post about the 2015 Houston Texans including an overview of their most interesting characters as well as what fans expect from the team this year.